Zen & The Fear of Rejection
Hello Gang,
Has there ever been the fear of rejection discussed on this forum? If so, let me know. I am fascinated with the concept of how the ego plays these records between our ears. The messages the records play sound like discouraging, fear based and irrational things. Before I began meditating seriously these records took control of my life. If say for example, I asked a girl out on a date, she would reject me. The memory of her rejecting me would replay itself over and over.
The effect is usually the same with any negative situation, like having a regression about being abused, or teased by someone. Experiencing this mind state is the reason I would take long warm showers. The warm showers were comforting so I built an unconcious habit of using comfort to cope with stress. I built up enough resistance to use meditation as a coping mechanism to deal with regressions and anxiety. There is a level of neurosis that can build up to deal with difficult situations. Since I work with the public as a cashier, their words effect me more than they know. I don't understand how come I am sensitive to what another person says or does that makes me feel bad.
It's the tiny things. People who laugh at me, the tone of someone's voice, the stomping on baseboards, repetitive conversations, accused or being scolded constantly. The Buddha advises not to take anyone's 'gifts' that cause harm. At work where I am bullied the most peoples comments and rude behaviour echo in my mind constantly. I cannot figure out for the life of me how to detach myself from hearing the negative things my ego says. I will think about what they said constantly. I will hide it until it is safe to cry in private. This has happened all too often lately.
The good news is that two customers who harassed me need to write an apology letter to me or face consequences. I like to tinker with the concept of resistance to doing things that I'm afraid of. I'll do anything: cold showers, waking up early, ask that girl out, perform on stage, talk to a stranger, or pet someone's dog. Tonight I asked a girl out from the theatre group I perform with. She rejected me, then the painful side effects started, so I needed to cope by using the computer. I started fearing that she won't want to speak to me again, I'm a loser, she might think I'm creepy. I started rationalizing 'okay, if I see her again I'll have two options: a) I can be non-challante and see if she comes around b) I can try to initiate conversations, but that will seem needy. There is the desire to be someone else that girls feel attracted to so I can succeed in that area of life. Who else can I be, but me?
The feeling I experience before asking for a phone number is like my ego wants to fight against the decision to ask someone for their personal information. After being rejected, the centre of my back feels tense and I'm cringing. There was a TEDx Talk I watched to help me understand what was going on. This is called 100 Days of Getting Rejected. A man with delusions of grandeur sets out on a quest to see if he could: a) get donuts made in the olympic symbol shape b) teach a university course c) take a random girl out to dinner. What he learned was how rejection is nessicary for society to advance. How you can use rejection to your personal advantage. I'll post the link down below in case your curious to watch.
My question of the day, how do you improve upon this setback I described? Does this sound familiar?
Has there ever been the fear of rejection discussed on this forum? If so, let me know. I am fascinated with the concept of how the ego plays these records between our ears. The messages the records play sound like discouraging, fear based and irrational things. Before I began meditating seriously these records took control of my life. If say for example, I asked a girl out on a date, she would reject me. The memory of her rejecting me would replay itself over and over.
The effect is usually the same with any negative situation, like having a regression about being abused, or teased by someone. Experiencing this mind state is the reason I would take long warm showers. The warm showers were comforting so I built an unconcious habit of using comfort to cope with stress. I built up enough resistance to use meditation as a coping mechanism to deal with regressions and anxiety. There is a level of neurosis that can build up to deal with difficult situations. Since I work with the public as a cashier, their words effect me more than they know. I don't understand how come I am sensitive to what another person says or does that makes me feel bad.
It's the tiny things. People who laugh at me, the tone of someone's voice, the stomping on baseboards, repetitive conversations, accused or being scolded constantly. The Buddha advises not to take anyone's 'gifts' that cause harm. At work where I am bullied the most peoples comments and rude behaviour echo in my mind constantly. I cannot figure out for the life of me how to detach myself from hearing the negative things my ego says. I will think about what they said constantly. I will hide it until it is safe to cry in private. This has happened all too often lately.
The good news is that two customers who harassed me need to write an apology letter to me or face consequences. I like to tinker with the concept of resistance to doing things that I'm afraid of. I'll do anything: cold showers, waking up early, ask that girl out, perform on stage, talk to a stranger, or pet someone's dog. Tonight I asked a girl out from the theatre group I perform with. She rejected me, then the painful side effects started, so I needed to cope by using the computer. I started fearing that she won't want to speak to me again, I'm a loser, she might think I'm creepy. I started rationalizing 'okay, if I see her again I'll have two options: a) I can be non-challante and see if she comes around b) I can try to initiate conversations, but that will seem needy. There is the desire to be someone else that girls feel attracted to so I can succeed in that area of life. Who else can I be, but me?
The feeling I experience before asking for a phone number is like my ego wants to fight against the decision to ask someone for their personal information. After being rejected, the centre of my back feels tense and I'm cringing. There was a TEDx Talk I watched to help me understand what was going on. This is called 100 Days of Getting Rejected. A man with delusions of grandeur sets out on a quest to see if he could: a) get donuts made in the olympic symbol shape b) teach a university course c) take a random girl out to dinner. What he learned was how rejection is nessicary for society to advance. How you can use rejection to your personal advantage. I'll post the link down below in case your curious to watch.
My question of the day, how do you improve upon this setback I described? Does this sound familiar?
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