Zen & The Fear of Rejection

[alan.r]

To Jakuden and Jika,

I like both of your posts because you're talking about "acceptance" and what that really means. I hope it's alright if I add to this a little. You both seem to be talking about the situation like this: when a person is being annoying, I need to be accepting of that person and not judge, and then this will lead you to a more contented, peaceful place. But to me that has "acceptance" only going one way. To me, we're not going through the world and looking at it and going "I accept that, I accept this, I accept that too." We are looking at ourselves. Can I accept my frustration? Can I accept that I'm feeling annoyed? How do I let that energy move in my body and mind? Acceptance is not out there; it is right here, this body and mind. My acceptance or non-acceptance of those annoying ladies is only my acceptance or non-acceptance of myself, my mind, in that moment. I ask myself: who is annoying you?

To Beakon, I'd say that you shouldn't worry about trying to figure out how to deal with rejection. That seems to me to be the wrong starting place. You should be thinking about what you're wanting. When we're rejected, we begin by wanting something, and when we don't get the object we want (whether it is a romantic partner or a better job or nicer co-workers), then we feel like we're a failure. But what happens to the world when we want less? What happens to the world when we go into a situation and are not expecting something from it? Where does rejection go then? I know this is difficult - we're conditioned to think and overthink and analyze and over-analyze (I'm wonderfully horrible at it, and most of my writing deals with it) and to want, but perhaps if you approach the thing differently, you might feel a little lighter.

Gassho,
Alan
sattoday

[Ugrok]

I love what you just said, Alan. I remember in one of the books about Suzuki, something along those lines : "you should lose the will to live, but not gain the will to die". Sounds true : if you don't expect anything from life, if you don't grasp it or want something from it, it becomes a lot more free and spaceful. And a lot more interesting as well !

Gassho,

Uggy, sat today.

[Joyo]

To Beakon, I'd say that you shouldn't worry about trying to figure out how to deal with rejection. That seems to me to be the wrong starting place. You should be thinking about what you're wanting. When we're rejected, we begin by wanting something, and when we don't get the object we want (whether it is a romantic partner or a better job or nicer co-workers), then we feel like we're a failure. But what happens to the world when we want less? What happens to the world when we go into a situation and are not expecting something from it? Where does rejection go then? I know this is difficult - we're conditioned to think and overthink and analyze and over-analyze (I'm wonderfully horrible at it, and most of my writing deals with it) and to want, but perhaps if you approach the thing differently, you might feel a little lighter.

Gassho,
Alan
sattoday

Thank you for this, Alan. Very true ad helpful advice.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Onkai]

I'd like to thank Beakon and everyone who has posted here. This thread is helpful to me as well.

Gassho,
Onkai
SatToday

[Beakon]

Your welcome, Onkai. My goal is to initiate conversations about major life issues and Buddhist stuff. Maybe Star Trek and Star Wars. See what kind of music us Zen Buddhists prefer. Are we all the new age hippies people make us out to be? Nah. After this talk is over, why should we worry?

[Tai Shi]

This fear of rejection was only a little. I believe it came from an upbringing with fundamentalism and Baptist parents. The first came when my mother, brother, and I were so poor we depended on government surplus food for part of our diet, and our little family, and we never thought of ourselves as family, were solicited by the Assembly of God Church, and I always felt like a fish out of water having been saved in a Baptist Church almost 2000 miles away in my father's home state of California. Added to our situation in the late 50 s and the early 1960 s my mother was thought of as an evil woman because she was divorced and this was as sinful by our neighborhoods, for we moved often. Luckily I made the friendship of a boy who loved science fiction when I was eleven-years-old. By the time I was fourteen I was telling the boys at church evidence of scientific possibilities when I was at church. When I turned 14 I had read much of Arthur C Clark, Jams Blish, and Robert Heinlein. My constant was a hobby in model rockets which actually lifted several hundred feet into the air. I was "saved" by a belief in evolution, and I no longer went to church, and performed in an "evil" theater group clear past college. Thank you Jundo for seeing me as a practitioner of Zen because when I became a student here, I actually knew very little which is still the cas, but at least I practice Shikantaza often in a week. Sorry for being so long winded, and perhaps this little story might help some one.

Tai Shi
std
Gassho.

[Getchi]

I have dedicated the merit of my last session to All Beings, may they find compassion,wisdom and right understanding.

Please know, you are not alone. We talk with our hands here, and hear with our eyes; united in Sitting we join all those before us.

United in suffering, we join all those before us.


Aaaand a biiig HUG for you all


Gassho,
Geoff.

SAtToday.

[Jakuden]

Arthur C Clark, Jams Blish, and Robert Heinlein. My constant was a hobby in model rockets which actually lifted several hundred feet into the air.

This brings back good memories! And Isaac Asimov... EE "Doc" Smith... Ray Bradbury. And my brother used to do those rockets too, my job as the little sister was to catch the section with the parachute when it came down. Although we lost a couple on the roof of the shopping mall.

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday

[Rich]

Practice smiling. It opens the channels. Smile at everything in the heavens and earth. Also yourself and internal organs. ☺🤗😀😊😉🙂😇😂

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