An Invitation:
At the risk of once again being the guy who says, 'You're wrong' (Everybody hates that guy, don't they?) - I'd just like to invite you to consider a different way of looking at the shadows and demons of the mind.
It's been my experience that you can't starve a demon - starving is what makes demons. Is anything so fearsome and desperate as an animal neglected, starving, and backed into a corner? There's a difference between paying attention to a demon and indulging a demon. When you indulge a demon, it chases you, or it pulls you, or it numbs you. Either way, you're not really interacting with the demon so much as reacting to it.
What the shadows and dark places within ourselves really want is attention, not indulgence. They want to be looked at and acknowledged.
When you open the door and let the demons and shadows into your life, you may find that they become something altogether different. In fact, they were never really demons at all. It's important to remember that these things that trouble us so much are us.
I've done the 'Feeding Your Demons' thing a few times - not a lot, but just a few times. If it's not too indulgent, I'd like to share the experience with you and see what you think.
One of my demons is a bit too personally specific to share (it just won't translate very well), but another one is one that I think a lot of us struggle with. I struggle with a constant fear of loss, of screwing up and losing what has become a fairly stable and advantageous situational reality for me here. I struggle with a fear of being rejected, fired, ejected, outcast. I think that a lot of us feel some of that. There's always a weird little tension in groups....and at the center of that tension is often the instinctive fear of being pushed out of the pack. To dispense with the description, this demon can be called 'Insecurity'.
So...I worked with that demon in a 'Feeding Your Demons' process. It starts with nine breathes...in with breath and a release of tension on the out breaths. The first three breaths relate to physical tension. Feel where tension is in your body, breathe into it, and exhale the tension. The second three breaths are similar, but are given to emotional tension. The last three breaths relate to mental tension. At that point, you try to develop a sincere desire to help all beings. Sometimes this can take a while, LOL.
Then you think of the issue or demon you want to work with. Then you attempt to locate a place in your body that pertains to this demon, a place that is painful or tense. For me, this place is in my chest and often manifests as a tightness in the chest and an ache and tingling that spreads out to my spine..like that feeling you get in your spine when you're terrified that something otherworldly is watching you. Then you imagine what this feeling looks, smells, feels, and tastes like. Be vivid. In my case most recently, this demon felt sharp, metallic, and tasted like metal and oil (I've never eaten motor oil, but it looked like motor oil and tasted like grease and cement). At this point, you create a sentient form for this feeling and the sense perceptions attached to it.
For me, the demon manifested as a humanoid figure made of sharp metal shards, thin, with metal-rubbing sounds when it moved and spikes jutting out all over. It felt greasy or slick - like an assemblage of oiled knives and sharp needles...it smelled like semi-burned/hot motor oil. It had yellow, sunken eyes beneath a hard metal face that shifted when it moved. It was slightly taller and much skinnier than me - an oily pile of greasy knives and needles shaped in the form of a human, with long, Freddy Krueger-like knives for fingers. And it was pissed! It seethed with malevolence and ill will.
When you do this process, you sit in a chair with an 'empty' chair in front of you - very close, and you manifest the demon so close that your legs and feet and the legs and feet of the imagined demon touch. After conjuring the demon, you ask it three questions: 'What do you want from me?' 'What do you NEED from me?' 'How will you feel when you get what you NEED?'
After asking these three questions, you switch places - literally, you take the other chair, eyes closed - and 'become' the demon...you fill up it's physical presence..while imagining yourself sitting across from you...and, stream of thought, in a 'first thought, best thought' sort of way, you answer the questions.
My demon said, 'I want you to be afraid. I want you to feel as hungry and frightened and monstrous as I do. I want you to feel like you can never rest because I feel like I can never rest. I want you to feel helpless, hopeless, and invisible.'
Then, it said, 'I NEED you to acknowledge me. I need you to acknowledge that I have something important to say to you. I need to be in the spacious openness of the day. I need you to listen to me. I need you to acknowledge that I'm valuable, important, and useful - and not something to be thrown away or shoved in a cramped, dark place.'
Lastly, it said, 'When I get what I need, I'll feel like I'm contributing. I'll feel honored, valuable, and loved.'
At this point, you switch places again and take your own 'body'...and then you imagine yourself dissolving into whatever substance is appropriate or comes to mind (for me, it was honey-like, clean, premium synthetic oil, but a smidge sparklier) and you feed the demon this substance - which is your very body - until it is satisfied. Often, as the demon becomes satisfied, it changes form - subtly, at first. For my demon, it's knives and needles started to round at first, the sound of rubbing metal disappeared, the smell of semi-burned oil began to change into the smell of a new machine - a bit like the new-car-smell, but even cleaner. The metal of the demon which had begun as dark and black and greasy began to shine with reflected light, like clean metal..and the spikes and knives began to melt into a hard but inviting outer 'shell'. By the time the demon was satisfied, it had transformed into an android-like robot. It was very inviting, somehow.
At this point, you can either dissolve yourself and this new form the demon takes into nothingness and sit with that for awhile, or you can dialogue with your 'ally'. First, ask this 'demon' in it's new form (suddenly not very demonlike) if it is your ally. Sometimes it's not - if it isn't, you thank it and ask if it will allow your ally to appear. In my case, this android-robot WAS my ally.
Then, you ask the ally three questions:
'How will you help me?'
'How will you protect me?'
'What pledge or commitment do you make to me?'
'How can I gain access to you?'
Then, as with the demon, you change places - fully embody the ally, and answer the questions. Finally, you and the ally dissolve into one another, and then into emptiness. Then you sit as emptiness.
This process brought great peace to me. I noticeably stopped feeling the urge to spend money on frivolous things (the urge came back later, but the peace and reduced urge lasted the whole of the day, at least...and when the urges came back, they were not as strong).
Anyway - sorry if that description was too long and personal...but I think it illustrates a different way of interacting with one's shadows and demons besides just starving them of attention.
*gassho*
Chet
(Oh yeah - I forgot to fully explain the significance of the 'android' - the android is the 'automatic' and 'reliable' part of me that can be trusted to do the necessary tasks to keep me secure and safe..)
Originally posted by Rich
It's been my experience that you can't starve a demon - starving is what makes demons. Is anything so fearsome and desperate as an animal neglected, starving, and backed into a corner? There's a difference between paying attention to a demon and indulging a demon. When you indulge a demon, it chases you, or it pulls you, or it numbs you. Either way, you're not really interacting with the demon so much as reacting to it.
What the shadows and dark places within ourselves really want is attention, not indulgence. They want to be looked at and acknowledged.
When you open the door and let the demons and shadows into your life, you may find that they become something altogether different. In fact, they were never really demons at all. It's important to remember that these things that trouble us so much are us.
I've done the 'Feeding Your Demons' thing a few times - not a lot, but just a few times. If it's not too indulgent, I'd like to share the experience with you and see what you think.
One of my demons is a bit too personally specific to share (it just won't translate very well), but another one is one that I think a lot of us struggle with. I struggle with a constant fear of loss, of screwing up and losing what has become a fairly stable and advantageous situational reality for me here. I struggle with a fear of being rejected, fired, ejected, outcast. I think that a lot of us feel some of that. There's always a weird little tension in groups....and at the center of that tension is often the instinctive fear of being pushed out of the pack. To dispense with the description, this demon can be called 'Insecurity'.
So...I worked with that demon in a 'Feeding Your Demons' process. It starts with nine breathes...in with breath and a release of tension on the out breaths. The first three breaths relate to physical tension. Feel where tension is in your body, breathe into it, and exhale the tension. The second three breaths are similar, but are given to emotional tension. The last three breaths relate to mental tension. At that point, you try to develop a sincere desire to help all beings. Sometimes this can take a while, LOL.
Then you think of the issue or demon you want to work with. Then you attempt to locate a place in your body that pertains to this demon, a place that is painful or tense. For me, this place is in my chest and often manifests as a tightness in the chest and an ache and tingling that spreads out to my spine..like that feeling you get in your spine when you're terrified that something otherworldly is watching you. Then you imagine what this feeling looks, smells, feels, and tastes like. Be vivid. In my case most recently, this demon felt sharp, metallic, and tasted like metal and oil (I've never eaten motor oil, but it looked like motor oil and tasted like grease and cement). At this point, you create a sentient form for this feeling and the sense perceptions attached to it.
For me, the demon manifested as a humanoid figure made of sharp metal shards, thin, with metal-rubbing sounds when it moved and spikes jutting out all over. It felt greasy or slick - like an assemblage of oiled knives and sharp needles...it smelled like semi-burned/hot motor oil. It had yellow, sunken eyes beneath a hard metal face that shifted when it moved. It was slightly taller and much skinnier than me - an oily pile of greasy knives and needles shaped in the form of a human, with long, Freddy Krueger-like knives for fingers. And it was pissed! It seethed with malevolence and ill will.
When you do this process, you sit in a chair with an 'empty' chair in front of you - very close, and you manifest the demon so close that your legs and feet and the legs and feet of the imagined demon touch. After conjuring the demon, you ask it three questions: 'What do you want from me?' 'What do you NEED from me?' 'How will you feel when you get what you NEED?'
After asking these three questions, you switch places - literally, you take the other chair, eyes closed - and 'become' the demon...you fill up it's physical presence..while imagining yourself sitting across from you...and, stream of thought, in a 'first thought, best thought' sort of way, you answer the questions.
My demon said, 'I want you to be afraid. I want you to feel as hungry and frightened and monstrous as I do. I want you to feel like you can never rest because I feel like I can never rest. I want you to feel helpless, hopeless, and invisible.'
Then, it said, 'I NEED you to acknowledge me. I need you to acknowledge that I have something important to say to you. I need to be in the spacious openness of the day. I need you to listen to me. I need you to acknowledge that I'm valuable, important, and useful - and not something to be thrown away or shoved in a cramped, dark place.'
Lastly, it said, 'When I get what I need, I'll feel like I'm contributing. I'll feel honored, valuable, and loved.'
At this point, you switch places again and take your own 'body'...and then you imagine yourself dissolving into whatever substance is appropriate or comes to mind (for me, it was honey-like, clean, premium synthetic oil, but a smidge sparklier) and you feed the demon this substance - which is your very body - until it is satisfied. Often, as the demon becomes satisfied, it changes form - subtly, at first. For my demon, it's knives and needles started to round at first, the sound of rubbing metal disappeared, the smell of semi-burned oil began to change into the smell of a new machine - a bit like the new-car-smell, but even cleaner. The metal of the demon which had begun as dark and black and greasy began to shine with reflected light, like clean metal..and the spikes and knives began to melt into a hard but inviting outer 'shell'. By the time the demon was satisfied, it had transformed into an android-like robot. It was very inviting, somehow.
At this point, you can either dissolve yourself and this new form the demon takes into nothingness and sit with that for awhile, or you can dialogue with your 'ally'. First, ask this 'demon' in it's new form (suddenly not very demonlike) if it is your ally. Sometimes it's not - if it isn't, you thank it and ask if it will allow your ally to appear. In my case, this android-robot WAS my ally.
Then, you ask the ally three questions:
'How will you help me?'
'How will you protect me?'
'What pledge or commitment do you make to me?'
'How can I gain access to you?'
Then, as with the demon, you change places - fully embody the ally, and answer the questions. Finally, you and the ally dissolve into one another, and then into emptiness. Then you sit as emptiness.
This process brought great peace to me. I noticeably stopped feeling the urge to spend money on frivolous things (the urge came back later, but the peace and reduced urge lasted the whole of the day, at least...and when the urges came back, they were not as strong).
Anyway - sorry if that description was too long and personal...but I think it illustrates a different way of interacting with one's shadows and demons besides just starving them of attention.
*gassho*
Chet
(Oh yeah - I forgot to fully explain the significance of the 'android' - the android is the 'automatic' and 'reliable' part of me that can be trusted to do the necessary tasks to keep me secure and safe..)
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