Hard times...mentally

**Taigu** · 12-12-2009, 12:44 AM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hi Adam,

Thank you for sharing your confusion with us.

but these thoughts just jump into my head before I can stop them. I've been having a really hard time with this lately.

All thoughts are like that, and we are not supposed to stop them but let them go. The mind is a constant stream of thoughts popping up like countless bubbles. And it is okay. The fact you are getting aware of your judgemental nature, aren't we all?, is a good sign to me. You are getting aware of how deluded you are. Zen practice has nothing to do with being perfect, the idea we have of being perfect, but being clear about reality. I suppose that a good remedy would be Metta or tonglen, daily. Everytime you sit you could offer, dedicate your sitting to all sentient beings.

You may also see the very shadow of yourself in others, that could be the reason why you dislike what you see. You don't dislike them, you dislike what they mirror back. Be kind to yourself, have a walk, go and have fun with friends, appreciate your breath and the fact both that your feet are on the ground. And everytime you hear the voice of judging, thank the voice for being with you and come back to what you are doing. Take it easy. You don't have to become a Buddha, you are already one.

take care and enjoy this life

gassho

taigu

**Manatee** · 12-12-2009, 12:57 AM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Thank you for this.

mandy

**AlanLa** · 12-12-2009, 04:28 AM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Taigu said it all already, but here are my two cents.
Penny #1: Awareness is the first step towards growth, so just that fact that you are aware of all this is a sign of growth, at least it is to me, and some day I expect you will see that also.
Penny #2: I strongly believe it is the difficulty of things that makes them important, so the fact that you are struggling with this means it is important. A corollary of this is that the depth of your difficulty is in direct proportion to how meaningful it is for you to (non)work through this, and the benefit of (non)working through it will be just as great, if not greater, than the difficulty.

Many bows for your struggles...

**KellyRok** · 12-12-2009, 01:12 PM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hello all,

Adam, I'm sorry to hear that you are having difficulties right now. Please know that we are all guilty of judging and the 'holier than thou' attitude from time to time. Don't beat yourself up about it, just keep on acknowledging it and move on. I think the suggestion to keep up with a metta practice will help tremendously - I know it makes a world of difference for me if I'm in a not so pleasant frame of mind. And know that we are all here practicing with you...and practicing...and practicing.

Gassho,
Kelly (Jinmei)

**Dosho** · 12-12-2009, 04:24 PM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hey Adam,

You sound like you are right on the path and only need to let it go...as if it were that easy! Working (and not working) at the letting go is the whole thing so keep practicing. I often compare my practice (and the inner workings of my mind) as a large room, half of which is filled with boxes. It looks neat and tidy but inside the boxes are countless bits of knowledge, information, emotion....and as you unpack those boxes the room looks much worse than it did before. It just takes time and learning how not to engage things like judgments is very difficult. Being aware of it is huge though; just trust yourself.

Gassho,
Dosho

**OkieTao** · 12-12-2009, 04:45 PM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Have you ever wondered why it was that the people you are judging act the way they do? I think it's a lot easier to be mad at other people's behavior than it is to try to understand it. I'm not saying that understanding means we should excuse others behavior, especially if it's harmful to others, but it does make it a lot easier to generate empathy.

Is there anything specific you are miffed about, or is just in general?

**Adam** · 12-12-2009, 07:01 PM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hello everyone,

Thanks to all of you that have replied so far. I feel a lot better about my mental state, and I'm starting to realize that I shouldn't be down on myself because, hey, I'm only human. To be more specific about these thoughts, let me give some examples. I work about 17 miles away from where I live and most of the driving is on the highway. Often times, I'll be cutoff in traffic by people that don't seem to care about anything except where they are headed. The first thought I have is, "jerk," but this shouldn't be the case. I should just let it go and understand that I cannot know what the other driver is experiencing. Maybe he/she is late for work and just being careless, or maybe there's an emergency, causing them to drive in such a way. I don't really know the situation, so I can't automatically assume that the other driver is just being a jerk. And even if he/she is, why should something so small upset me? It didn't cause me physical harm, and nothing happened because of the incident (except for some sudden braking), so I should just smile and go on with my drive. In addition, I work for a large insurance company. The environment I work in promotes selfishness for career, money, and overall standing within the ranks, so it's hard not to become part of the "machine." I like to just be friendly with people and not worry too much about the day-to-day concerns that we all have, but sometimes I feel trapped in a negative world. Everyone knows of the herd mentality, where if one person starts voicing their grievances, then most, if not all, will join in to second the cry. With all these negative thoughts and speech around me, I feel very exhausted by the end of the day, and it seems easier to just join in, at times. I am trying to be the one in the group that doesn't join in, or that makes a positive counterpoint that someone hasn't thought of. Sometimes things are just "bad," so I need to learn that I can't change everything, and just accept things they way that they are. Like Jundo says, "everything is perfectly what it is." Thanks again to all of you that have answered me so far, and I hope I've given a little more detail about what I'm experiencing.

Gassho,

Adam

**Unmon** · 12-12-2009, 08:29 PM

Re: Hard times...mentally

my quick $0.02....

remember that all the "jerks" are probably suffering in a similar fashion as yourself - many more so - whether they realize it or not...

the simple fact that you're deeply concerned about these mental/emotional states is a huge plus - many are not, yet they continue to suffer...

by staying clear, acknowledging the thoughts, feelings, etc, yet not acting on them, you set an example and contribute (more than you know) to "benefiting all beings"...

(i think i've kinda reiterated some of what's already been said....oh well)

ultimately, some times you gotta say (in parlance of our times), "who gives a shit?...fuck it."

oh yeah, and remember... when you're stewing about others "faults" or "shortcomings", it's hurting you a lot more than anyone else.

-tim

**AlanLa** · 12-13-2009, 03:27 AM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Adam, thank you for the bigger picture. One of the ways burnout happens is when a person is in a job or environment, or both, that conflicts with his/her values. The job requires and/or your are surrounded by behavior that contradicts the values you believe in. This happened to me once and it was terrible, horrible, probably similar to what you are going through now, truly dark days. You need to find your way out. I quit that job and chose to suffer the poverty of unemployment rather than do something so contrary to my values, but, I repeat, you need to find your own way. The way you find is the growth you will find as a result of this awareness, be it by keeping that job and finding a way to cope with it or moving on. Growth can be painful; I was days away from being homeless and penniless when I left that job, desperate yet secure I had done the right thing. I know now that it was just a step on the Path to where I am now, but at the time it was a step off a 100 foot pole.

**Cameron** · 12-13-2009, 04:26 AM

Re: Hard times...mentally

I think daily zazen is the way to go. It will help you recognize and deal properly with your own "thought garbage"©. I've been having problems like yours more than normal lately and I couldn't imagine how rough it would be without zazen. I've been doing daily zazen for 5 and a half months now and I don't think I can honestly stop. I didn't feel as well for those few days I've skipped. Maybe it was all in my head :P. It's clear that your working on your perspective, zazen is a way to polish it. Approach with true grit.

Cam

**Taigu** · 12-13-2009, 10:31 AM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Adam, thank you for your post. Suffering has one juicy side to it: we like it, it is comforting and we like to go on and on about the same old thing. It provides us with a very tasty sense of identity. At the same time, it is a poisoning thing to feed. Vicious circle. You just have to break the pattern. Practice is what breaks the pattern and cuts the habit. Practice. Just practice. So my advice is practice, practice, practice. Attention, attention, attention. And repeat. Repeat. Of course you may take others and yourself less seriously, but it boils down to p.......

So...

have a good one and r..... p....... endlessly...

gassho

Taigu

**bayamo** · 12-13-2009, 02:05 PM

Re: Hard times...mentally

just try your best.. no one can really ask for more
gassho

**mark** · 12-13-2009, 06:59 PM

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hi , and thanks for sharing this. I think I have been in a similar frame of mind...

Consider trying this when driving:
If we are all one, not two, then that person who just cut you off is, well... you. I suspect that this is rather ridiculous (and you may find it so) but I find it useful to mentally switch the language in my head around. “You” becomes “I” and the reverse... When someone is foolish on the road around me (i.e. constantly) I say to myself “why am I doing this silly thing” or “my, I must be desperate and unaware”. Really I am sure this is in essence the same thing that you are doing, but the change in mental language usually makes me smile and keep my foot off of the accelerator.

Also please beware of “should”. One does or thinks something or one does not –“ should” is judgment and may hurt you. Perhaps it would be best to think “next time I will...”

Final thing; I struggle with that herd mentality thing from time to time also, and I am always deeply disappointed in myself when I get sucked in to it (over and over and over). The thing is done though, and I will try to be better prepared the inevitable next time. What hurts me is hanging on to it. So... I sit. I am very inept but I at least intend to drop all likes and dislikes. It helps. Metta is also fabulous – remember it starts with yourself.

Wow, long winded and preachy - sorry, I'll have to watch that.

Mark

**disastermouse** · 12-13-2009, 08:59 PM

Re: Hard times...mentally

I don't mean to be a Byron Katie cheerleader, but...

The Work of Byron Katie

http://www.thework.com/thework.asp#top

Hard times...mentally

Hard times...mentally

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