Hard times...mentally

[Tb]

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hi.

My two cents in the matter is "When this happens, do this. when that happens, do that."

Mtfbwy
Fugen

[Jundo]

Re: Hard times...mentally

In my very limited knowlege, I just wanted to share what someone told me once that really helped me when I was in a simular situation. You can be in the world, but you don't have to be "of the world" meaning, if your coworker friends are sitting around complaining, you don't have to participate, this is an expression of thier pain. People being rude, mean is an expression of thier pain. There is a buddha in every tail light -> I try to remember that when people cut me off. (trust me, a certain finger got a workout before that one sunk in :lol: )

Everything is just grist for the mill...a good "feet on the ground" metta practice goes far in these cases.

You would not let a friend drive off a cliff, then why let them do that in thier life? Help your friend, with kindness, compassion and realize that the person who is dangerous, this is an expression of thier pain as well. (this is not saying your have to accept the behavior, that is not what I am saying at all, just wanted to be clear on that, but you don't have to hate either)


For what it is worth, hope it helps..

'Metta,
Ezz

Wise advise. Not always so easy to keep, but we may get better at it with practice.

I find, as the years have passed, I would find myself more and more observing and holding myself away from angry/greedy/complaining/gossipy conversations and the behavior of other more and more, rather than joining in and participating and falling in with the anger etc.. Yes, "in the world, but not fully of the world (especially with regard to the harmful aspects)" is a lovely way to express a facet of our practice.

Still, ours is a lifetime practice, and every day and situation presents new opportunities to practice.

Gassho, Jundo

[ezzirah]

Re: Hard times...mentally

In my very limited knowlege, I just wanted to share what someone told me once that really helped me when I was in a simular situation. You can be in the world, but you don't have to be "of the world" meaning, if your coworker friends are sitting around complaining, you don't have to participate, this is an expression of thier pain. People being rude, mean is an expression of thier pain. There is a buddha in every tail light -> I try to remember that when people cut me off. (trust me, a certain finger got a workout before that one sunk in :lol: )

Everything is just grist for the mill...a good "feet on the ground" metta practice goes far in these cases.

You would not let a friend drive off a cliff, then why let them do that in thier life? Help your friend, with kindness, compassion and realize that the person who is dangerous, this is an expression of thier pain as well. (this is not saying your have to accept the behavior, that is not what I am saying at all, just wanted to be clear on that, but you don't have to hate either)


For what it is worth, hope it helps..

'Metta,
Ezz

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hi again (reply number two)

I think I did not your desire to be a less judgmental. For me, being judgmental is an expression of anger and a need to express hostility, and also, for me, judging is decision-making with malice. And so, what works most for me is to separate the emotion (anger) from the intellectual analysis. I then acknowledge and accept my feeling of anger which is what is really (usually) driving my judgmental thoughts.

is this of any use?

gassho,
rowan/jinho

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hello everyone,

I first want to apologize for not writing for some time, but I've had some difficulty in my life recently. I seem to have a problem letting go of my judging ways. I haven't been able to release my ego and I find myself being the same old opinionated self (no self). I cannot seem to "let go" of these feelings and thoughts of comparing myself to others; instead of focusing on the good things that others offer. I seem to judge them by thinking that they are not following a life that I believe is the "right" way to act towards our fellow sentient beings. Moreover, this is not a productive way to live, so why am I viewing faults in others, when I should be looking at my own thoughts and actions? Now, I know that I shouldn't worry about how others live and I should live a life filled with compassion for all things, but these thoughts just jump into my head before I can stop them. I've been having a really hard time with this lately. It seems to be running my life right now, and I just want it to stop. I've never have had "holier than thou" feelings before, and I'm not sure that I'm experiencing that now, but I do feel like I'm losing the path a little bit. In addition, my zazen is suffering because of these negative thoughts. When I sit (few and far between lately) I cannot seem to just slow down and just BE. I would appreciate any advice or maybe some reassuring words that will help me better understand what I'm experiencing. Thank you.

Gassho,

Adam

Greetings,

The following is, of course, only my experience. I DO NOT IN ANY WAY claim to know you or what is best for you, etc.

I believe that my subconscious is both very enlightened and very unenlightened, stuff just comes out. As Korean zen teacher Chinul said, it is all from our past experience. But I believe it is important to be kind to oneself and especially to one's delusions. And when delusions appear in one's conscious mind, it is a time for great rejoicing because there is, right here and now, the opportunity for great understanding. For me, "cutting through delusion" is the moment when I see my delusion. But it is also, in my understanding, delusion to believe that one's emotions must be ethical, for me emotions just happen. And I think that if you are beating yourself up for having unethical thoughts and feelings is just making more abuse in the world. So I hope you can be as gentle and kind to your own delusions as you are to others.

As for transforming consciousness, my experience is definitely that at those moments when I clearly see a delusion, wham right over the head, that transformation takes place. And if, in spite of seeing an old delusion it remains with me, for me it is because there were so many years (sometimes decades) of experience reinforcing the delusion that it will take much time to change it.

For me, understanding that feelings are just feelings, truly believing this and seeing it day by day, moment by moment, has liberated me very much from being caught up in "vines and weeds". (Jundo, what is the actual phrase? I have forgotten).

The second vow, "delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them" is always with me. But delusions are absolutely the source of that great understanding we call enlightenment.

Please be kinder and kinder to yourself on your road to living a more and more ethical life. And (for this Jew), the most ethical action is doing the right thing when I REALLY don't want to.

gassho,
rowan
who hopes this has been useful and not intrusive

[Rich]

Re: Hard times...mentally

ok, I'll bite...why wouldn't that be the correct choice?

If the hunter's family is starving, why are we saving the animal?

Chet

Good point. For each situation you may need to ask the question to understand it. I love the deer near my home, but if the food disappears and the deer appear they become the food. I don't expect this to happen, but we just don't know until the situation appears.

[Dosho]

Re: Hard times...mentally

It was a joke...that's usually what means.

Re: Hard times...mentally

True enough. But I'll go with the one who isn't hunting with a gun. Just doesn't seem fair.

Have you ever hunted?

Try deer hunting. Most people I know, most years, DON'T get the deer. The gun doesn't even begin to level the playing field.

But fair doesn't even enter into it. The point is simply to eat. The other thing is, deer living in the woods live much better lives until they are shot. Factory farmed animals have a much more dismal life, IMHO.

Chet

[Dosho]

Re: Hard times...mentally

True enough. But I'll go with the one who isn't hunting with a gun. Just doesn't seem fair.

Re: Hard times...mentally

ok, I'll bite...why wouldn't that be the correct choice?

If the hunter's family is starving, why are we saving the animal?

Chet

[Dosho]

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hence, one would only ask the questions the OP is asking if one was trying to formulate philosophically correct rules. We don't need philosophically perfect rules - in fact, perfect rules are impossible.

As regards the principles of Buddhism and the rules, the only important question is, "Am I shitting myself?"



IMHO

Chet

Right on. I can't think of a good example right now but sometimes breaking a precept is the correct action. Like if a hunter was chasing an animal and asked you which way the animal went, you lie and say 'thata way' to save the animal. Rephrasing your question, What is it? right now.

I'm not entirely sure that lying to the hunter is the correct choice, actually.

Chet

ok, I'll bite...why wouldn't that be the correct choice?

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hence, one would only ask the questions the OP is asking if one was trying to formulate philosophically correct rules. We don't need philosophically perfect rules - in fact, perfect rules are impossible.

As regards the principles of Buddhism and the rules, the only important question is, "Am I shitting myself?"



IMHO

Chet

Right on. I can't think of a good example right now but sometimes breaking a precept is the correct action. Like if a hunter was chasing an animal and asked you which way the animal went, you lie and say 'thata way' to save the animal. Rephrasing your question, What is it? right now.

I'm not entirely sure that lying to the hunter is the correct choice, actually.

Chet

[Rich]

Re: Hard times...mentally

Hence, one would only ask the questions the OP is asking if one was trying to formulate philosophically correct rules. We don't need philosophically perfect rules - in fact, perfect rules are impossible.

As regards the principles of Buddhism and the rules, the only important question is, "Am I shitting myself?"



IMHO

Chet

Right on. I can't think of a good example right now but sometimes breaking a precept is the correct action. Like if a hunter was chasing an animal and asked you which way the animal went, you lie and say 'thata way' to save the animal. Rephrasing your question, What is it? right now.

Re: Hard times...mentally

I agree with both of you. I think the reason for the confusion has to do with the fact that using discernment in the service of others seems to be the astoundingly obvious thing to do.

I think that trying to conform behaviour to morals is counterproductive if one's view has not already been tranformed and clarified.

Hence, clarify your view and right action will flow. Then you can use the precepts as a guide to reflect your own misunderstanding. If you break a precept or good general rule for a truly correct reason, there will be little anxiety if your view is clear. Similarly, following the letter of the precepts in a harmful way will cause anxiety, even if repressed.

Hence, one would only ask the questions the OP is asking if one was trying to formulate philosophically correct rules. We don't need philosophically perfect rules - in fact, perfect rules are impossible.

As regards the principles of Buddhism and the rules, the only important question is, "Am I shitting myself?"



IMHO

Chet

[Adam]

Re: Hard times...mentally

Jundo,

Thank you so much for answering this thread. I am trying to let go of judging others because it's not constructive to myself or the person being judged, so there is no need for it. However, I do think that if the intention is to help another person escape a difficult (or possible dangerous) situation, that judgement is needed. Maybe I'm using the word "judgement" in too broad a way, so I can understand why some would misunderstand my post. I do agree with Chet, in that I think that we suffer, holding on to these feelings, but I think that my post was read in a different way than I intended. I meant that helping someone see other perspectives of the situation that they are in may help them live a better life, i.e. escaping that abusive relationship. I appreciate the response, and the guiding words, Jundo.

Gassho,

Adam