What I like to practice more than mindfulness

[will]

Re: What I like to practice more than mindfulness

At this place we have to kind of remember that we can't really see or hear the person who's writing, so not everything is really how we percieve it.
That comes down to both parties and the skills of how we write, and our practice at the time of reading and writing. Sometimes our meaning comes across, and sometimes it gets lost. We have to kind of take it lightly.


G,W

[Stephanie]

Re: What I like to practice more than mindfulness

Deep Gassho, Steph. Wonderful post.

Deep gassho back to you Tracy, I thoroughly enjoyed your post. I love reading about bodhisattva action in the world! I like to imagine that the world is full of hidden bodhisattvas that show up in many surprising contexts, lightening the burden of suffering in ways that are often invisible to those around them. And often, it seems to me to be true.

Like Charles, what this practice (and by "this practice" I mean the whole shebang--zazen, the brahma-viharas, compassionate activity, etc.) has worked on the most has been my anger.

Perhaps the best example I can think of from the past year is living with my roommate. I found that thanks to my practice (as well as my social work education), I was able to compromise with her without harboring resentment, bring up issues and work through them, and deal with conflict with an evenness of temperament.

For example, my roommate threw a temper tantrum the week before I was going to leave because I wouldn't let her use the shower at sudden notice until I was done in the bathroom. It was really a ridiculous situation at which I was at no fault whatsoever, but I did not "bite the hook," standing my ground but without erupting in temper. I told her that if she had told me in advance she needed the bathroom during the time I usually used it in the morning, I would have been happy to accommodate her, but that it was unfair for her to expect me to be late to work when she was the one that had not taken the time to sort things out in advance with me. She got angry and threw a fit, storming out of the apartment with her shampoo to go use someone else's shower. She gave me the silent treatment afterwards.

Even though I was indignant about her treatment of me (she accused me of being selfish and always getting my way, even though I actually rarely asked anything of her and often had to sacrifice or compromise to accommodate her; her temper tantrum seemed to me to stem not from unjust treatment, but from the fact she'd come in late and drunk the night before and had only had a couple of hours of sleep before stumbling out of bed and confronting me) and she did not approach me to apologize, I decided that it wasn't worth obliterating the good work we'd done to live together as roommates for an entire year to leave angry with one another. I wrote her a note saying as much, we talked about it, and we left on good terms. I could have easily justified being nasty to her, but thanks to the equanimity borne of practice, I was able to let go of it, knowing that it would only intensify both of our misery for me to stubbornly try to prove a point about how she had been wrong.

Personally, I don't see a conflict between what Stephanie is talking about, and the sitting we do. In fact, I see what she's talking about as a natural outgrowth of sitting, without trying to do it or calling it a 'practice'. When I sit regularly, I do what she's talking about, because I'm just more aware of what's going on with me. I think it's unavoidable. Putting Pali words to it, splitting it into four or eight concepts -- that's just one way of talking about the experience. Thinking about it as a separate practice, consciously trying to do it -- maybe that's icing on the cake, or maybe there's a danger to it because our only practice 'should be' Shikantaza; but for me it's not a big deal either way. One way or the other, it makes my life better.

That's almost exactly how I see it. I've named what I'm talking about in this thread as a "practice" because it's something that I do every day, but it's really not so much a concrete thing. Instead, it's a way of watching, being, and acting that emerges from zazen and study of the Dharma. My main point in talking about this as a daily practice was to illustrate that there are other traditional Buddhist concepts / practices that I find much more useful and transformative than "mindfulness" practice. Arguably, the above is a sort of mindfulness, but I'm distinguishing it from practicing simple concentration. I find it much more practical to learn how to work with emotions in the above way than to try to cultivate a non-distracted mind at all times. I find that this actually is quite complementary to shikantaza because as I understand it, shikantaza is a way of sitting in which the amount of thoughts that do or don't arise is somewhat irrelevant, the important thing being one's ability not to get caught up in the content of thought.

[lindabeekeeper]

Re: What I like to practice more than mindfulness

She was beyond rude and annoying. I was a aware of my extreme frustration with her but kept my cool. Several people approached me after the talk and complemented me for my professionalism and coolness under fire. One guy said that I was a very classy person. Now, you guys don't know me, but I don't think anyone has ever told me I was classy! :lol:

Yay Tracy! I've always thought that the workplace is a good place for practicing Buddhism. One has so many opportunities to learn BTW, I've always thought you to be a classy person.

Gassho,

Linda

[lindabeekeeper]

Re: What I like to practice more than mindfulness

RE: Similar experiences.
Here's my story to share. I have a person at work who is always negative--about everything. She is quite funny but has a tendency to enhance her relationship with you by putting down others. I find that I am now able to have enough space between thought and action to not join in with the gossip and nay saying, but focus on her and her needs without the other stuff. The more I practice sitting, I find that the space between thought and action widens to allow more choice in how to respond that is more in line with the brahma-viharas.

Great thread, everyone.

Linda

[Eika]

Re: What I like to practice more than mindfulness

NIce stuff everyone.

No particular story to tell, but I notice that I am able to intervene in my habitual reactions. I'm more patient with others now, but with a long way to go in regards to a couple of people at work (still working on that). I'm better able to let my kids be who they are instead of who I want them to be -- better at discerning the line between behavior that needs correcting and simply annoying things that should be let go. I am more open to others when conversing; I'm not quite sure how to say that, but I notice that I actually care a bit more about what other's are saying than I might once have. Shikantaza has definitely helped my marriage. I am more able to let my wife be who she is instead of who I might want her to be. In doing so, she becomes the wife I always wanted. Funny how that works. The list goes on and on. All still works in progress. All subject to change in a moment of careless speech or action.

Like Tracy, I too will often feel like I am having a tough time with all of this until I remember that I am actually just more aware of the stuff I had been doing all along.

Gassho,
Bill

[Shindo]

Re: What I like to practice more than mindfulness

Hi Tracey
I work with MDs (Consultants as we call them in the UK) & some can be quite a challenge.
Well done for keeping your cool. Loosing it in a work setting is generally disastrous & can take ages to resolve. These days I just grind my teeth (mindfully) .
Kind regards
Jools

[Jundo]

Re: What I like to practice more than mindfulness

Besides zazen, my favorite Buddhist practice is a more traditional one: the practice of the brahma-viharas.

The four brahma-viharas ("Abodes of the Gods") are:

-Equanimity (composure, patience, evenness of mind)
-Sympathetic joy (vibing off of other people's happiness)
-Loving-kindness (gentleness, openness of heart to all sentient beings)
-Compassion (being aware of and moved by the suffering of sentient beings)

The Pali terms for these are upekkha (equanimity), mudita (sympathetic joy), metta (loving kindness), and karuna (compassion).

I don't have a particular concrete practice for cultivating the brahma-viharas; rather, I notice that they are signposts of effective practice in general. Zazen promotes these qualities, as do many other traditional Buddhist practices. However, a basic form of practicing with them is, noting their arising, I try to see what led their arising; noting the arising of their opposite qualities (vindictiveness, selfishness, jealousy, irritation, etc.), I try to see what led to the arising of these opposite qualities.

I like putting myself in situations that tend to draw out qualities that oppose the brahma-viharas and working to transform my state of mind in these situations to one in which the brahma-viharas naturally arise instead. I find that the first step is usually promoting tolerance or patience (which I would identify with upekkha). If something bugs me, I try to watch my mind as it gets "bugged" and identify the mental events that lead to this state of mind. Over time, I can often identify what's going on and change how I react in these situations.

Thank you so much, Steph.

I have been thinking for awhile that I would like to incorporate more of such Practices (they are "Practices", and we can call them that) into our "official" bag of toys in this Sangha. This post, and some things I've read over at Harry's "anger" blog have really made me want to do so. There is nothing at all about these to take away from "Just Sitting" Shikantaza, Quite the contrary, and such practices are as ancient as Buddhism itself (I might call them "Sublime Attitudes" instead of "Abodes of the Gods", but that is just words) ... they are Buddhism itself. It is vital to nurture "Compassion" and "Wisdom" as one, and sitting alone can sometimes be much too focused on the latter, and on personal "equinimity" alone, if compassion, sympathetic joy, and loving kindness are not nurtured amid our lives. These things are not apart from each other.

One can even turn into a mean, bitter, lost, uncaring or self-centered being (I have seen it happen sometimes, and it is one of the old criticisms of the so-called "Hinayana" way by those on the Boddhisattva path of the Mahayana) if one gets too wrapped up in one aspect of sitting without keeping a warm and kind heart. It is the same reason I emphasize the Precepts around here.

So, let me think about this a little more, but I will be encouraging something like this as part of our daily Practices together with Zazen. Most Zen teachers around the world are now doing so in one form or another and I just want to find the right way for us here. For example, a bit of "Metta" chanting for both our friends and those not so friendly, anyone who suffers, may become a good way to end our day each day.

May all beings be free from enmity and danger
May all beings be free from mental suffering
May all beings be free from physical suffering
May all beings take care of themselves and be content

May all beings be content
May all beings be free from suffering

Gassho, Jundo