I enjoyed this thread too. I can relate to being 'generous' in order to please people or get them to like me. In primary school I gave away my entire marble collection (which was large) in order to make people like me (it didn't work). There is definitely a difference between giving to get something back or please people, and generosity.
With the Netflix situation, I wonder if the financial arrangement was rather messy and confusing for your friends. There were essentially 2 stages to the transaction. Your dad pays and your friends owe the money to him, and then he lets you keep it. But to your friends it might have appeared that your dad was paying and you were keeping the money, appearing to make money from your dad's generosity. I wonder if it would be clearer to separate the 2 stages so that your friends pay your dad back (which they sound happy and comfortable doing) and then he gives you the money. I don't know...maybe they are just being greedy but it sounds like they are uncomfortable with giving you the money specifically (not being part of your agreement with your dad). Just a thought.
Boundaries and limits are really important with giving, loans, and financial transactions. Things can get so messy when they are not clear to begin with...is it a loan, a gift, who owes what...etc. And especially with low self-esteem, establishing boundaries is so important and looking after yourself in relationships. Really great that your have new friends that build you up and are starting to say 'no'. That's a big step. I think only if you are able to say 'no' can you really say 'yes'.
Gassho
Lucy
Sat today
With the Netflix situation, I wonder if the financial arrangement was rather messy and confusing for your friends. There were essentially 2 stages to the transaction. Your dad pays and your friends owe the money to him, and then he lets you keep it. But to your friends it might have appeared that your dad was paying and you were keeping the money, appearing to make money from your dad's generosity. I wonder if it would be clearer to separate the 2 stages so that your friends pay your dad back (which they sound happy and comfortable doing) and then he gives you the money. I don't know...maybe they are just being greedy but it sounds like they are uncomfortable with giving you the money specifically (not being part of your agreement with your dad). Just a thought.
Boundaries and limits are really important with giving, loans, and financial transactions. Things can get so messy when they are not clear to begin with...is it a loan, a gift, who owes what...etc. And especially with low self-esteem, establishing boundaries is so important and looking after yourself in relationships. Really great that your have new friends that build you up and are starting to say 'no'. That's a big step. I think only if you are able to say 'no' can you really say 'yes'.
Gassho
Lucy
Sat today
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