Originally posted by Jordan
Well, sure. But we've gotta use mental constructs to talk about this stuff, right?
Originally posted by will
It's come from a mix of things: my sitting practice, my day-to-day lived experience, and psychological research, actually. But the biggest component of it is the "experiential wisdom" part. I spent a lot of time on the cushion and in my daily life trying to make myself into something else--purer, better, more perfect, etc. Didn't think I should ever feel angry or sad, felt like the fact I still enjoyed sense pleasures as much as I did was a sign of how "unenlightened" I was. I went through this stupid mental battle on and off the cushion, but over time, I started to see the folly of this perspective.
Part of it too is that when I look out at the world and see other people, I cannot accept the notion that the common elements of the human experience are somehow worthless or erroneous or "impure." I don't want to go to a Heaven that excludes others and ignores those in hell, and I don't want to uphold a vision that negates the worth and power of the universal human experience.
But it really came out of seeing how I was using Buddhist teachings to further a cluster of neuroses and to abuse myself further. I was using these idealized teachings to "act out" my self-loathing and feelings of worthlessness. As I sat more, the focus became less on the absence or presence of certain kinds of thoughts, but the emotional tenor underlying them. I started to practice holding myself in a "field" of compassion, and it dramatically altered things. In a weird way, I began to look at my "self" as if from the outside and instead of wanting to destroy or alter it, I wanted to care for it, hold it in compassion.
This experience alerted me more and more to seeing how this inner battle is played out in so many others, and it's become one of my day-to-day "missions" to share a perspective that encourages acceptance and compassion of oneself as well as others. Often there's a very palpable shift when someone who's feeling really embarrassed or miserable sees that you don't see them or their situation that way, and then they realize that they don't have to see it that way either. That's one of the best things I ever experience--seeing someone shift out of the mindstates under which I suffered for so long.
And ironically, it's something that often occurs in the Buddhist practice world. People that haven't worked through basic psychological neuroses or conditioning just play them out in their practice, and they don't see it. I think that's a horrible tragedy, when people take the tools that could free them and just make their misery deeper. But maybe that's a necessary part of the path? It certainly has seemed that way for me.
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