Aha, I feel like a fool now, because of course, the mood has passed hours ago. As I knew it would. Thanks so much for all your helpful and kind words, tomorrow I will get back to sitting, which I had been neglecting in this depression. But it is nice to try to actively turn off all these worries and thoughts, so tomorrow I will get up and do it. I was also raised Christian and I think that is why I struggle, worrying for my soul and what not. I've had pastors tell me that it doesn't matter if you are a good person, or like, in another country and never raised with the christian god, he would still send you to hell for not believing in something you never heard of, and I was very young so I think these awful words must have left their marks somewhere.
As my fiance tries to tell me, no need to worry about things I'll never get answers to, I should listen to him and others more often. What happens will happen ^^ But today I am alive, and that's good.
And yes, my depression is a giant black pit. This morning I got up, couldn't read, couldn't watch tv, couldn't do anything without thinking "I am incredibly tired with this society" and wanted to wander off into a mountain somewhere and never come out again. And of course my brain gave me a hundred reasons why society sucks, why my life sucks, I'm going no where, I have massive debts from school, things won't get better etc etc... I know the feelings will pass, even as I'm getting more and more upset, I still let myself fall into it for some reason. The thoughts just circle around each other until I either go to sleep or just snap out of it somehow hours later.
Perhaps these are the perfect times to sit?
Sorry I talk so much, no one around my home "gets" me really, so this is all I get to talk to, to try to reason it out.
As my fiance tries to tell me, no need to worry about things I'll never get answers to, I should listen to him and others more often. What happens will happen ^^ But today I am alive, and that's good.
And yes, my depression is a giant black pit. This morning I got up, couldn't read, couldn't watch tv, couldn't do anything without thinking "I am incredibly tired with this society" and wanted to wander off into a mountain somewhere and never come out again. And of course my brain gave me a hundred reasons why society sucks, why my life sucks, I'm going no where, I have massive debts from school, things won't get better etc etc... I know the feelings will pass, even as I'm getting more and more upset, I still let myself fall into it for some reason. The thoughts just circle around each other until I either go to sleep or just snap out of it somehow hours later.
Perhaps these are the perfect times to sit?
Sorry I talk so much, no one around my home "gets" me really, so this is all I get to talk to, to try to reason it out.
. I know that these ideas are used by "religious" figures to control the population, truly if one is a Christian then I believe they should just read their book and stop letting some man tell them about it. But I guess, if I really think about it, there's always going to be that fear in the back of my mind, because people like you and me were raised this way, and it's hard to escape your "culture". If I had a choice, I'd like to just be a stream of light/music that floats around and can get all mingled up with other streams of light/music! Yes, you could post those websites and books, I will check them out!
Funny enough my doctor put me on a B-12 inhalant; I'm on the low spectrum of B-12 levels. I'm not dangerously low but he said he'd like me higher. He said that the body just doesn't absorb it well via digestion through vitamins, which leads me to wonder if eating would really effect it much.. especially if one's body just doesn't absorb it well through digestion anyway.
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