Meditation/advice for a big life decision

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  • sandworm
    Member
    • Nov 2012
    • 14

    Meditation/advice for a big life decision

    Friends,

    I don't post much yet, but I have found great wisdom and support here, and I'd like to ask the sangha for help.

    I have a major life decision before me. One choice would lead me close to my family, but would be riskier career-wise (and I have a slight question about right livelihood). The other choice is far from home, but a much more stable career path.

    Is there any sort of zen meditation I can do that might help me arrive at the right decision? Is there anyone who might give me some Buddhist advice about all this?

    Thank you everyone for your support.
    Duane
  • Taigu
    Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest
    • Aug 2008
    • 2710

    #2
    Hi Duane,

    There is unfortunately ( or fortunately) not a single special meditation or practice to help you taking an important decision. Zen is USELESS. IT IS A WASTE OF TIME ( from the end-gaining agenda and viewpoint).
    What is more important to you, Money, safety or family? cash or love? Follow your bliss and leave Zen out of the equation.
    Something like that. Maybe neither nor is also to be considered.

    Whatever decision you take,it is yours and it is the good one, even if it appears to be the bad one after a while.

    Take care and chill out

    Gassho


    Taigu
    Last edited by Taigu; 12-18-2012, 05:59 AM.

    Comment

    • pinoybuddhist
      Member
      • Jun 2010
      • 462

      #3
      Taigu is right. Ain't no such thing. Maybe sitting in zazen may still your mind enough so as to make it easier for you to arrive at a clearheaded decision - but still you can only arrive at that point when you get off the cushion and make a decision. In other words, you can only decide by deciding - not by doing some "special thing".

      If you haven't done so, I suggest listing down the pros and cons of each option. It will help you weigh things clearly. But even this is ultimately no help - you will still need to decide for yourself.

      Gassho,

      Rafael

      Comment

      • Rich
        Member
        • Apr 2009
        • 2603

        #4
        You can consider and think about things but at some point you must put it all down and just sit. Correct action just appears. Then you have to sit even more because every time something negative happens related to that action you are going to question yourself. Just this is enough, where reality appears, a place of 100% confidence and ease in the middle of uncertainty and not knowing anything.
        _/_
        Rich
        MUHYO
        無 (MU, Emptiness) and 氷 (HYO, Ice) ... Emptiness Ice ...

        https://instagram.com/notmovingmind

        Comment

        • Taigu
          Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest
          • Aug 2008
          • 2710

          #5
          Rich,

          In the dokusan room, you are a winner.

          In real life, forget about it...


          And once more, why do you answer the question and not the question behind the question?


          Gassho


          T.

          Comment

          • Taigu
            Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest
            • Aug 2008
            • 2710

            #6
            And On top of all this you are feeding spiritual materialism.

            Zen practice is not an answer!!!

            It is a question!


            Gassho


            Taigu
            Last edited by Taigu; 12-18-2012, 01:35 PM.

            Comment

            • Mp

              #7
              Duane,

              For me, the question answers itself. Family is more important then material or financial gain. Family will always be there for you, but that car or nice pair of shoes will not.

              Hope this helps.

              Gassho
              Michael

              Comment

              • sandworm
                Member
                • Nov 2012
                • 14

                #8
                Thank you everyone.

                Michael, I totally agree with you, and in this case, I'd be bringing my wife and son back to Alaska where my parents live (and I have a nice house). Problem is I'd be working on a particularly violent video game about school kids shooting each other. Not sure I want to be a part of that, no matter how much money it makes.

                I've got a great offer from Intel, but we would have to stay in Arizona. Stability, insurance, etc, but distant family.

                It's a toughie.

                Comment

                • Taigu
                  Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest
                  • Aug 2008
                  • 2710

                  #9
                  Why should we bother answer this???

                  a suffering man trapped in what?

                  Give me a rest.


                  T.


                  PS: ...

                  Comment

                  • Nindo

                    #10
                    I feel with you Duane. I moved around a lot, and every time was a huge decision, of course involving loved ones as well.
                    I wasted a lot of one sesshin over the question whether to move to Canada. There was no answer. There was, however, an overwhelming feeling of compassion for my husband and wanting to support him whatever it would take. So we went and started from scratch. It was hard. Four years later the city we left was destroyed by an earthquake. Does that tell me it was the right decision? No.
                    Are you looking for the universe to nod and say "you chose well"? Forget about it.

                    So, it will all be in your heart and your core values. Michael said "family". I say "right livelihood" and "sunshine". How does that help? I bet it doesn't.
                    I remember my Dad said, when I was agonizing for an hour on the phone, "look at where you want [your career? your life?] to go; and then take a leap".
                    Good luck, and take care.

                    Comment

                    • Risho
                      Member
                      • May 2010
                      • 3179

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Taigu
                      Hi Duane,

                      There is unfortunately ( or fortunately) not a single special meditation or practice to help you taking an important decision. Zen is USELESS. IT IS A WASTE OF TIME ( from the end-gaining agenda and viewpoint).
                      What is more important to you, Money, safety or family? cash or love? Follow your bliss and leave Zen out of the equation.
                      Something like that. Maybe neither nor is also to be considered.

                      Whatever decision you take,it is yours and it is the good one, even if it appears to be the bad one after a while.

                      Take care and chill out

                      Gassho


                      Taigu
                      Thank you for this reminder... I catch myself trying to glean something from my practice.


                      I agree with Nindo.. It's actually something I did about 7 years ago moving to Florida. Sometimes you just gotta do something, but you have to take the chance. Unfortunately I've never found a magic bullet.

                      Gassho,

                      Risho
                      Email: risho.treeleaf@gmail.com

                      Comment

                      • Daitetsu
                        Member
                        • Oct 2012
                        • 1145

                        #12
                        Hi Duane,

                        Perhaps this is a bit oversimplified, but money can't bring back the time you missed with your family...

                        Gassho,

                        Timo
                        no thing needs to be added

                        Comment

                        • Rich
                          Member
                          • Apr 2009
                          • 2603

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Taigu
                          Rich,

                          In the dokusan room, you are a winner.

                          In real life, forget about it...


                          And once more, why do you answer the question and not the question behind the question?


                          Gassho


                          T.
                          You got that right. What is the question behind the question?
                          _/_
                          Rich
                          MUHYO
                          無 (MU, Emptiness) and 氷 (HYO, Ice) ... Emptiness Ice ...

                          https://instagram.com/notmovingmind

                          Comment

                          • sandworm
                            Member
                            • Nov 2012
                            • 14

                            #14
                            Thank you everyone. Your words have helped me overcome the deep stress I felt at making such a big decision like this which would have a huge effect on not only myself but my wife and baby.

                            Taigu, your words did help me realize for a moment the emptiness of my own suffering about this issue, but I don't know how not to worry when my actions will affect the lives of others. Any advice on reconciling compassion with concern when it comes to other people?

                            In any case, I did make a decision, and you guys were a part of it. Thank you so much everyone for your support.

                            Comment

                            • Jishin
                              Member
                              • Oct 2012
                              • 4820

                              #15
                              At your deathbed, what will you think?

                              The answer.

                              Gassho,

                              JC
                              Last edited by Jishin; 12-24-2012, 03:55 AM.

                              Comment

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