Well, who still believes that folks can't share deeply, and come to see each other, through an "online Sangha"? There are many ways to look right in each others' eyes.
This is a good chance for me to think about history too. Sorry if this runs on a bit, but I think I should go into detail (since I claim to be the bus driver on this bus).
Okay, I was a pretty messed up teenager. Years of deep depression and anti-depressants, home rather rocky, I missed a year of high school. Got back on the school track though, and even did well gradewise ... but the depression stayed with me right into law school (dropped out of law school for a year too, but got back to that somehow). During college, starting reading on Taoism and Buddhism ... It did not yet 'click', but I could not get away from it either. Always hung around 'mind expanding' people, questioning people, who challenged accepted ideas. Pretty mind expanding college experience too (mind expanding in all meanings of that word), studied and worked in Spain for a year. Started to realize that much of my depression was 'overthinking' things, that so much of my perception of the world was mind created.
Got to a tough law school, taught how to analyze and argue about anything, reason about the world down to its atoms ... that is what law school is, learning how to argue angels on the head of a pin (and from any side of the argument ... depending who is paying the bill :-) ) I was in training to be a professional 'hired gun' (a briefcase carrying assassin), plus the whole power and greed thing about planning for one's 'career'. I was still really depressed, stressed, getting counseling ... starting sitting with a Zen sitting group at school, very informal. But I stayed with it this time, and sat often. It became the quiet at the eye of a hurricane. I am not from a rich family, and mom and dad were struggling with the bills, Dad dies during this time, family savings running out. A lot of pressure.
Happened to move into a house with roommates from China, some of the first exchange students to the US (this was like 1984). They suggest I go to China to study and teach (the school needed people to go the other way). I don't know why my family agreed, or how I swung it ... (we had no money and it was an exprensive affair). Everyone else in my class could not wait to get onto 'Wall Street' with big salaries, and to start raking it in. Nobody in those days was particularly anxious to go to China. I start studying Chinese. I learned again, in additional ways, how much the the mind creates reality (both inside and outside the courtroom ... and about greed and ignorance).
Get to China. Speak broken Chinese. Mind blowing. Depression gone. Find a few English books on Buddhism in the school library (somehow not purged from the stacks, probably because they were in English). No internet then. Meet old guy at a local Buddhist temple, turns out to be a Chan priest who had been banished to the countryside during the Cultural Revolution (his temple was seized and he was forced to marry a nun, become a pig farmer. At least, I think so ... my Chinese was pretty hit and miss, lots of miss.). He was trying to rebuild his temple. But, I sat Zazen with him once a week. Sat on my own each day too. Accidently, I was 'just sitting', because I really could not understand the finer points of what he said. So I just sat and tried to feel peaceful ... and I did.
Back to America, big law firm, greed, power, win at all costs, sex, money ... After awhile, invited my Japanese girlfriend to join me (I had met her in China and we started dating there, now she is my wife Mina). Not sure why I asked her to come to America, glad I did. After a couple of years of law firm life (I was a corporate lawyer, doing 'deals'), I am tired, stressed, smoking, often depressed again. Another ten years, and maybe I will be a 'partner'. Still sitting though (this is about 20 years ago). Attended some local groups, but my hours were so bad ... who had the time? Idea comes up that I can head to Japan, and I learn there are ways to do it without starving (like working as a lawyer or teaching). It feels right.
Soon, I am in Japan. Doing some legal work to pay the bills, studying Japanese intensively. Not a lot of money, but food and rent was not a problem. First month in Japan, find out about a Zen temple close by offering Zen sittings. By coincidence (I did not know this at the time), it is Sojiji, one of the Head Temples of Soto Zen (like the Vatican of Soto Zen, a role shared with Eiheiji). It is a Japanese group, but the teacher (Ikuo Azuma Roshi) speaks some English. Sojiji is a pretty amazing place, everything done the traditional way as a training school for the young monks, and I rarely missed a sitting for the next 10 years. I was the only foreigner sitting there regularly in those days, so became the foreign 'aide' to Azuma, writing his English letters and such. Saw him for tea and to 'practice English' once a week ... a great chance to sit and talk about everything and anything. Even after my image of 'Zen' and 'Japan' came down to earth (you know what I mean ... after reality replaced the version of Zen and Japan in books), I found it still ... no words can say or need to say it. Tried some of the local English speaking Zazen groups in Tokyo too, and that means Nishijima Roshi (this is around 1989). I was not a regular with Nishijima's group though.
This continues about like that for the next 15 years. Had a wife and starting (late) our family, plus my own small business now (law related translations, and a small school for lawyers). Thinking monk dreams too, but to be ordained did not seem an option. There is a big glass ceiling for foreigners wanting to be ordained in Japan (a subject for another day, but basically the system is not set up for foreigners, or for "Zazen teachers" as much as young Japanese priests who will take over their father's temple to perform funerals and other rituals for parishioners, and who need to learn the arcane ceremonies required. Not really my interest). Moreover, with my wife's cooperation, I could leave for retreats and such for a week or two, or even a month, at Sojiji and other places ... but not for the solid year or two required for those young Japanese priests under the "system" of priest training in Japan.
Went to see Nishijima, known to care about Zazen Zazen and Zazen (ceremonies and such ... not to care so much about those), known to train foreigners in Japan in English, and to do it the 'old fashioned' way (through personal training, face to face). That meant carrying his bags on teaching trips, attending retreats and weekly sittings, and ... maybe most importantly, working on the translation projects he does. I translated one of his books over a couple of years, I watched what he does. That is how I learned.
Much about actual "priestcraft" I learned more in America (sometimes Nishijima forgets to teach things not directly related to Zazen .. which explains a little about the atmosphere at Dogen Sangha. Nishijima only taught me about certain things because I asked him to, and kept pestering him). Because my mother was sick, I started to come back to America for three or four months at a time a few years ago, and became the assisting priest in Florida to Mitch Doshin Cantor in Maezumi Roshi's lineage. Mitch taught me how to run a Western style Sangha (much of what we are doing at Treeleaf is borrowed from my experiences at Doshin's Sangha), a lot about bowing and incense lighting and basic ceremonies (even an iconoclast like me needs such skills ... don't reject or seek to adapt something before you actually know how to do it). Doshin gave me my first chance to lead groups and give Zen Talks after Nishijima gave me Transmission. Furthermore, he introduced me to something very much present in Western Buddhism but sorely lacking in Japan ... immersion in the diverse ideas of Buddhism. A Soto teacher in Japan would likely have little knowledge or interest in what the Rinzai fellow is doing down the street, let alone in the Vipassana school or Lama Suria Das and Dzogchen. That is not the case in the West).
Anyway, to bring this ramble to a close ... I actually have had 4 Soto Zen teachers who I consider my teachers, 4 wheels on the car, (just like Nishijima considers "Homeless" Kodo his first teacher, even though Nishijima was formally ordained and received Transmission from Renpo Niwa Roshi, the former abbot of Eiheiji). There was Azuma Ikuo, who just shared tea with me, week after week, for so many years at Sojiji ( the Vatican, where things are done the "Orthodox" way). There is Nishijima, who gave me Transmission and has taught me about Zazen Zazen and Zazen ... and knows things about Soto Zen that have sometimes been forgotten by those priests with their ceremonies ... there is Doshin Cantor who knows what a Western priest needs to know ... and there is Jiho Sargent, a tough old bird who was one of the few Western women to go through priest training in Japan 100% the Japanese way (she would not want me to call her my teacher, but she was).
Oh, then there is my wife ... who teaches me every day.
Sorry if I went on too long.
Gassho, Jundo
This is a good chance for me to think about history too. Sorry if this runs on a bit, but I think I should go into detail (since I claim to be the bus driver on this bus).
Okay, I was a pretty messed up teenager. Years of deep depression and anti-depressants, home rather rocky, I missed a year of high school. Got back on the school track though, and even did well gradewise ... but the depression stayed with me right into law school (dropped out of law school for a year too, but got back to that somehow). During college, starting reading on Taoism and Buddhism ... It did not yet 'click', but I could not get away from it either. Always hung around 'mind expanding' people, questioning people, who challenged accepted ideas. Pretty mind expanding college experience too (mind expanding in all meanings of that word), studied and worked in Spain for a year. Started to realize that much of my depression was 'overthinking' things, that so much of my perception of the world was mind created.
Got to a tough law school, taught how to analyze and argue about anything, reason about the world down to its atoms ... that is what law school is, learning how to argue angels on the head of a pin (and from any side of the argument ... depending who is paying the bill :-) ) I was in training to be a professional 'hired gun' (a briefcase carrying assassin), plus the whole power and greed thing about planning for one's 'career'. I was still really depressed, stressed, getting counseling ... starting sitting with a Zen sitting group at school, very informal. But I stayed with it this time, and sat often. It became the quiet at the eye of a hurricane. I am not from a rich family, and mom and dad were struggling with the bills, Dad dies during this time, family savings running out. A lot of pressure.
Happened to move into a house with roommates from China, some of the first exchange students to the US (this was like 1984). They suggest I go to China to study and teach (the school needed people to go the other way). I don't know why my family agreed, or how I swung it ... (we had no money and it was an exprensive affair). Everyone else in my class could not wait to get onto 'Wall Street' with big salaries, and to start raking it in. Nobody in those days was particularly anxious to go to China. I start studying Chinese. I learned again, in additional ways, how much the the mind creates reality (both inside and outside the courtroom ... and about greed and ignorance).
Get to China. Speak broken Chinese. Mind blowing. Depression gone. Find a few English books on Buddhism in the school library (somehow not purged from the stacks, probably because they were in English). No internet then. Meet old guy at a local Buddhist temple, turns out to be a Chan priest who had been banished to the countryside during the Cultural Revolution (his temple was seized and he was forced to marry a nun, become a pig farmer. At least, I think so ... my Chinese was pretty hit and miss, lots of miss.). He was trying to rebuild his temple. But, I sat Zazen with him once a week. Sat on my own each day too. Accidently, I was 'just sitting', because I really could not understand the finer points of what he said. So I just sat and tried to feel peaceful ... and I did.
Back to America, big law firm, greed, power, win at all costs, sex, money ... After awhile, invited my Japanese girlfriend to join me (I had met her in China and we started dating there, now she is my wife Mina). Not sure why I asked her to come to America, glad I did. After a couple of years of law firm life (I was a corporate lawyer, doing 'deals'), I am tired, stressed, smoking, often depressed again. Another ten years, and maybe I will be a 'partner'. Still sitting though (this is about 20 years ago). Attended some local groups, but my hours were so bad ... who had the time? Idea comes up that I can head to Japan, and I learn there are ways to do it without starving (like working as a lawyer or teaching). It feels right.
Soon, I am in Japan. Doing some legal work to pay the bills, studying Japanese intensively. Not a lot of money, but food and rent was not a problem. First month in Japan, find out about a Zen temple close by offering Zen sittings. By coincidence (I did not know this at the time), it is Sojiji, one of the Head Temples of Soto Zen (like the Vatican of Soto Zen, a role shared with Eiheiji). It is a Japanese group, but the teacher (Ikuo Azuma Roshi) speaks some English. Sojiji is a pretty amazing place, everything done the traditional way as a training school for the young monks, and I rarely missed a sitting for the next 10 years. I was the only foreigner sitting there regularly in those days, so became the foreign 'aide' to Azuma, writing his English letters and such. Saw him for tea and to 'practice English' once a week ... a great chance to sit and talk about everything and anything. Even after my image of 'Zen' and 'Japan' came down to earth (you know what I mean ... after reality replaced the version of Zen and Japan in books), I found it still ... no words can say or need to say it. Tried some of the local English speaking Zazen groups in Tokyo too, and that means Nishijima Roshi (this is around 1989). I was not a regular with Nishijima's group though.
This continues about like that for the next 15 years. Had a wife and starting (late) our family, plus my own small business now (law related translations, and a small school for lawyers). Thinking monk dreams too, but to be ordained did not seem an option. There is a big glass ceiling for foreigners wanting to be ordained in Japan (a subject for another day, but basically the system is not set up for foreigners, or for "Zazen teachers" as much as young Japanese priests who will take over their father's temple to perform funerals and other rituals for parishioners, and who need to learn the arcane ceremonies required. Not really my interest). Moreover, with my wife's cooperation, I could leave for retreats and such for a week or two, or even a month, at Sojiji and other places ... but not for the solid year or two required for those young Japanese priests under the "system" of priest training in Japan.
Went to see Nishijima, known to care about Zazen Zazen and Zazen (ceremonies and such ... not to care so much about those), known to train foreigners in Japan in English, and to do it the 'old fashioned' way (through personal training, face to face). That meant carrying his bags on teaching trips, attending retreats and weekly sittings, and ... maybe most importantly, working on the translation projects he does. I translated one of his books over a couple of years, I watched what he does. That is how I learned.
Much about actual "priestcraft" I learned more in America (sometimes Nishijima forgets to teach things not directly related to Zazen .. which explains a little about the atmosphere at Dogen Sangha. Nishijima only taught me about certain things because I asked him to, and kept pestering him). Because my mother was sick, I started to come back to America for three or four months at a time a few years ago, and became the assisting priest in Florida to Mitch Doshin Cantor in Maezumi Roshi's lineage. Mitch taught me how to run a Western style Sangha (much of what we are doing at Treeleaf is borrowed from my experiences at Doshin's Sangha), a lot about bowing and incense lighting and basic ceremonies (even an iconoclast like me needs such skills ... don't reject or seek to adapt something before you actually know how to do it). Doshin gave me my first chance to lead groups and give Zen Talks after Nishijima gave me Transmission. Furthermore, he introduced me to something very much present in Western Buddhism but sorely lacking in Japan ... immersion in the diverse ideas of Buddhism. A Soto teacher in Japan would likely have little knowledge or interest in what the Rinzai fellow is doing down the street, let alone in the Vipassana school or Lama Suria Das and Dzogchen. That is not the case in the West).
Anyway, to bring this ramble to a close ... I actually have had 4 Soto Zen teachers who I consider my teachers, 4 wheels on the car, (just like Nishijima considers "Homeless" Kodo his first teacher, even though Nishijima was formally ordained and received Transmission from Renpo Niwa Roshi, the former abbot of Eiheiji). There was Azuma Ikuo, who just shared tea with me, week after week, for so many years at Sojiji ( the Vatican, where things are done the "Orthodox" way). There is Nishijima, who gave me Transmission and has taught me about Zazen Zazen and Zazen ... and knows things about Soto Zen that have sometimes been forgotten by those priests with their ceremonies ... there is Doshin Cantor who knows what a Western priest needs to know ... and there is Jiho Sargent, a tough old bird who was one of the few Western women to go through priest training in Japan 100% the Japanese way (she would not want me to call her my teacher, but she was).
Oh, then there is my wife ... who teaches me every day.
Sorry if I went on too long.
Gassho, Jundo
Comment