Your favorite Buddhist jokes!

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  • FeMonky
    Member
    • May 2007
    • 50

    Your favorite Buddhist jokes!

    Just adding some lightheartedness to the forums!

    If my Chihuahua lays his head in my lap during Meditation practice is that...

    Dog 'n' Zazen?

    And the classic favorite of most:

    What does a Zen cow say?

    Mu.


    -Xander
  • Davidseon
    Member
    • Jun 2007
    • 10

    #2
    What did the Buddhist say to the Hot Dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
    David
    It's like a finger pointing to the moon, Look at the moon stupid.
    First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.

    Comment

    • Fuken
      Member
      • Sep 2006
      • 435

      #3
      Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? ?
      A: None, they are the light bulb.)


      Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
      A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.


      Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
      A: Tree falling in the forest.

      Take care,
      Jordan
      Yours in practice,
      Jordan ("Fu Ken" translates to "Wind Sword", Dharma name givin to me by Jundo, I am so glad he did not name me Wind bag.)

      Comment

      • PaxAnimi
        Member
        • Jun 2007
        • 28

        #4
        What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
        M.T. Ness

        How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?
        A man who is at two with the universe

        Comment

        • Justin
          Member
          • Jul 2007
          • 97

          #5
          From the Daily Show, I present to you some dark humor: Bodhisattva Bush

          Funnily enough, probably the least misconception-ridden presentation of Buddhism I've ever seen on national television. He even does a proper gassho!

          Speaking of which,

          Gassho.

          Comment

          • PaxAnimi
            Member
            • Jun 2007
            • 28

            #6
            Justin, that was hilarious. Thanks for the link

            Comment

            • Gregor
              Member
              • Apr 2007
              • 638

              #7
              A student asks his master, "what happens after we die?"

              The Master answers,"I don't know."

              The student becomes frustrated and says. "I thought you where a Zen Master!"

              The Master replies, "I am, but not a dead Zen Master."
              Jukai '09 Dharma Name: Shinko 慎重(Prudent Calm)

              Comment

              • Don Niederfrank
                Member
                • Jul 2007
                • 66

                #8
                What did the Buddhist say to the Hot Dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
                What did the vendor say when the Buddhist asked for his change?
                'Change comes from within.'
                Un otro mundo es possible, si...

                Comment

                • Jundo
                  Treeleaf Founder and Priest
                  • Apr 2006
                  • 39270

                  #9
                  Dear All,

                  I love these jokes but, 'oh my Gautama,' some of these are as old as the Buddha ... and I don't mean Shakyamuni Buddha. I mean the Buddha two Kalpas before him.

                  Okay, let me try one Zen joke:




                  How was that?

                  G, J
                  ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

                  Comment

                  • FeMonky
                    Member
                    • May 2007
                    • 50

                    #10
                    :lol:
                    Justin, I've always loved the daily show! that was a hilarious piece.
                    But, Jundo's joke actually made me laugh out loud!

                    -Xander

                    Comment

                    • paige
                      Member
                      • Apr 2007
                      • 234

                      #11
                      Courtesy of the webcomic Toothpaste for Dinner:

                      Comment

                      • Justin
                        Member
                        • Jul 2007
                        • 97

                        #12
                        lol!

                        Very funny.

                        Comment

                        • Blind Ox
                          Member
                          • Aug 2007
                          • 11

                          #13
                          Not a buddhist joke but is in Osho's "Buddha his life and teachings"

                          The pope heard that a certain lady in Ireland had produced ten children, so he sent one of his cardinals to grant her his blessings. When he met the lady, the cardinal was disgusted to learn that she was not Catholic. "DO YOU MEAN TO SAY," he thundered, "that I have COME ALL THIS WAY TO MEET A SEX-MAD PROTESTANT?"
                          Fallen red blossoms
                          from plum trees burst into flame
                          among the horse turds ~ Master Buson

                          Comment

                          • Fuken
                            Member
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 435

                            #14
                            A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you."
                            So I didn't.
                            Yours in practice,
                            Jordan ("Fu Ken" translates to "Wind Sword", Dharma name givin to me by Jundo, I am so glad he did not name me Wind bag.)

                            Comment

                            • Ankai
                              Treeleaf Unsui
                              • Nov 2007
                              • 893

                              #15
                              Q- What does it mean if the Buddhist is drooling out of both corners of his mouth?

                              A- The Zabuton is level.
                              Gassho!
                              護道 安海

                              -Godo Ankai

                              I'm still just starting to learn. I'm not a teacher. Please don't take anything I say too seriously. I already take myself too seriously!

                              Comment

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