Dear All (offspring of sex) ...
I just addressed a question elsewhere by a lay person (pun intended) who felt some friction (pun intended) about dating and having sex, masturbating and watching porno some, as well as a few "one night stands." They had taken some lay precepts, including our Precept on "not misusing sexuality." They seem seriously concerned about being reborn in a "lower realm" at death because of all this lust, despite (in their words) being otherwise pretty decent in life. I answered this, and wonder if folks would have other positions (pun intended) on this question, or if it rubs some the wrong way (pun intended) ...
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Hi. You are a lay person, not a monk (and even so, in the Japanese tradition, Japanese clergy date, masterbate, marry. Even Zen masters can masterbate. ) You did not take vows of chastity. Even the monks vow is "not to misuse sexuality and all desire," not to avoid all desire.
As to porno and short sexual relationships, I would simply advise (1) don't be addicted to sex and porno, the same way as one should not be addicted to food or drink, i.e., all things in moderation, and (2) avoid the ugly stuff where people hurt or get hurt. (3) You should avoid sex at certain times in practice, such as when in an actual monastery or retreat. Please do not have sex during Sesshin! Also, honor committed relationships, honesty and avoid cheating. Keep relationships consensual, even short ones, where everyone is left feeling that it was a positive experience, not something sordid.
If one does wish to be celibate for a time as their lifestyle choice, that is fine too, and a powerful practice. However, just don't think that it is required of lay folks, or even monks in the Japanese traditions.
Have fun! (In moderation!) We can have desires ... in moderation, and without being overly clinging, caught and attached to desires. If you only thought about sex, and chased it all the time, there would be a problem. Once in awhile, following your natural urges as a lay person, is not a problem. If there was no sex, and everyone was celibate, then Buddhism would have died out in its first generation (think about that!)
I personally don't have an opinion on literal rebirth, and I am quite skeptical about it. But it seems that all your feelings of guilt will definitely put you in a kind of hell of desire in this life today.
Gassho, J
stlah
PS - Reminds me of this joke I heard this week elsewhere from our Kotei ...
A new monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand.
He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this.
He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him.
He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying.
"Celebrate", "the word was Celebrate!"
I just addressed a question elsewhere by a lay person (pun intended) who felt some friction (pun intended) about dating and having sex, masturbating and watching porno some, as well as a few "one night stands." They had taken some lay precepts, including our Precept on "not misusing sexuality." They seem seriously concerned about being reborn in a "lower realm" at death because of all this lust, despite (in their words) being otherwise pretty decent in life. I answered this, and wonder if folks would have other positions (pun intended) on this question, or if it rubs some the wrong way (pun intended) ...
~~~~
Hi. You are a lay person, not a monk (and even so, in the Japanese tradition, Japanese clergy date, masterbate, marry. Even Zen masters can masterbate. ) You did not take vows of chastity. Even the monks vow is "not to misuse sexuality and all desire," not to avoid all desire.
As to porno and short sexual relationships, I would simply advise (1) don't be addicted to sex and porno, the same way as one should not be addicted to food or drink, i.e., all things in moderation, and (2) avoid the ugly stuff where people hurt or get hurt. (3) You should avoid sex at certain times in practice, such as when in an actual monastery or retreat. Please do not have sex during Sesshin! Also, honor committed relationships, honesty and avoid cheating. Keep relationships consensual, even short ones, where everyone is left feeling that it was a positive experience, not something sordid.
If one does wish to be celibate for a time as their lifestyle choice, that is fine too, and a powerful practice. However, just don't think that it is required of lay folks, or even monks in the Japanese traditions.
Have fun! (In moderation!) We can have desires ... in moderation, and without being overly clinging, caught and attached to desires. If you only thought about sex, and chased it all the time, there would be a problem. Once in awhile, following your natural urges as a lay person, is not a problem. If there was no sex, and everyone was celibate, then Buddhism would have died out in its first generation (think about that!)
I personally don't have an opinion on literal rebirth, and I am quite skeptical about it. But it seems that all your feelings of guilt will definitely put you in a kind of hell of desire in this life today.
Gassho, J
stlah
PS - Reminds me of this joke I heard this week elsewhere from our Kotei ...
A new monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand.
He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this.
He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him.
He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying.
"Celebrate", "the word was Celebrate!"
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