Still seems like perhaps you are trying too hard, and measuring too much.
I recommend that you just follow the breath, forgetting "in," "is" or "out," startings and endings or anything to catch. Buddha cannot be caught, and is out, is, is not and in, coming and goings and a leap through all such. Engage in nice natural breathing from the diaphram, but then ... forget about all measures.
Sit a retreat of 1 day or 4 days, but also put down all measures of time, burn the calendar and smash the clock.
"Bring back" your caught up thoughts exactly once every 2.6375 thoughts (just kidding! ).
In fact, do not latch on, do not measure, do not be concerned as one releases 10,000 times again ... if finding oneself tangled or grabbing thoughts, merely let go and sit again. Be in the space between thoughts, then repeat. Nothing to measure. Thoughts and emotions are not our enemy, are only Buddha in disguise. Thoughts are just the space between thoughts as thoughts, the space between thoughts is the other clear face of thoughts. It is like saying that the cloudy or cloudless sky is all the sky. Nonetheless, we just sit and do not stir up the clouds.
If you are working hard like a giving masochist, you are doing that to yourself. In sitting Zazen or engaging in other activities on retreat, drop from mind as best you can all ideas of "hard" or "easy," judgments of pain (I know, it is hard and impossible sometimes ... so when feeling like crap if there is no way to escape, just feel like crap and moan) or anyone to "give" or "be given."
Good sitting!
Gassho, J
STLah
I recommend that you just follow the breath, forgetting "in," "is" or "out," startings and endings or anything to catch. Buddha cannot be caught, and is out, is, is not and in, coming and goings and a leap through all such. Engage in nice natural breathing from the diaphram, but then ... forget about all measures.
Sit a retreat of 1 day or 4 days, but also put down all measures of time, burn the calendar and smash the clock.
"Bring back" your caught up thoughts exactly once every 2.6375 thoughts (just kidding! ).
In fact, do not latch on, do not measure, do not be concerned as one releases 10,000 times again ... if finding oneself tangled or grabbing thoughts, merely let go and sit again. Be in the space between thoughts, then repeat. Nothing to measure. Thoughts and emotions are not our enemy, are only Buddha in disguise. Thoughts are just the space between thoughts as thoughts, the space between thoughts is the other clear face of thoughts. It is like saying that the cloudy or cloudless sky is all the sky. Nonetheless, we just sit and do not stir up the clouds.
If you are working hard like a giving masochist, you are doing that to yourself. In sitting Zazen or engaging in other activities on retreat, drop from mind as best you can all ideas of "hard" or "easy," judgments of pain (I know, it is hard and impossible sometimes ... so when feeling like crap if there is no way to escape, just feel like crap and moan) or anyone to "give" or "be given."
Good sitting!
Gassho, J
STLah
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