Strong back, soft front

[Heiso]

Thank you so much for this teaching and your wisdom, Kokuu and thank you for having the compassion to pass them on to us even when you are suffering.

It's maybe a bit too easy to picture ourselves sitting zazen like a rock as the waves of life crash against us and equally easy to forget that vulnerability and openness.

Metta to you and all beings

Gassho,

Neil

STLah

[aprapti]

thank you Kokuu, thank you Doyu.



Aprapti

stdlah

[Eva]

thank you Kokuu
for your strong and soft voice in this world. Gassho.

I remembered this quote: “Love and death are the great gifts given to us, mostly they are passed on unopened.”
by Rainer Maria Rilke .

I am happy to know you have the strength and vulnerability for these gifts ...

Metta and Love
eva

sattoday

[Kyoshin]

Nine bows Kokuu. I very much appreciate you sharing this with us. I'm not sure that I would do so. Thank you.
Gassho
Kyoshin
Sat/lah

[Seibu]

Thank you for your teachings . I profoundly respect your attitude, and we are here with you.

Gassho,
Jack
Sattoday/lah

[Jinyo]

Kokuu, this post was most helpful. Thank you so much for the sharing. _()_

If I may make some noises --- fear is nature's way. My dad said to me in his last days, "I'm anxious to go, but the animal doesn't want to." And looked down the bed at his body. We can practice death by treating each loss as a death, but in the end, the fear is like those thoughts that obtrude upon zazen -- hard to prevent, but maybe dismissible, at least intermittently. For me, mala practice has been helpful.

I'm here (Treeleaf) because my local teacher recommended it, as I have, over time, found it more and more difficult to get to the zendo, fifty minutes away. We are a sangha stuffed with old-timers and chronically ill folks -- I called in to say I would not make it to the monthly half-day zazenkai, feeling unaccountable shame because I had some responsibilities, and Teacher called back to say, oh, well, so had everyone else (!!!), and she would be circuit riding to check on all of us. When she came we were able to determine I would not need to go to Urgent Care (this time) and brought me homework from my sewing teacher -- the pinned panels for my okesa, ready to begin sewing _()_. We did morning service -- she did full prostrations, I did little bows from the waist in my chair. What we see, for most of us most of time, we label with nouns, but it's all verb, I think -- a prostration is a doing, a nod is a doing. The chair is a doing, the altar is a doing. Also non-doing. Mountains meet mountains.

I have expressed to my Dharma sisters that if I don't make it to the end of the okesa, would they please finish it and provide me with a nun's send-off. They have agreed to do so. This takes some of the (self-imposed) pressure off, and I can watch the clouds on the hills with at least some peace of mind. _()_

gassho,
doyu sat today

Jinyo

ST

[Jinyo]

Hi all

Many of you know that I have a chronic illness and that forms the basis for a great deal of my practice. Some of you will be aware that this illness has been deteriorating very significantly for the past two or three years.

Yesterday I spoke to my doctor and she said there was nothing else she could offer me besides pain relief. This is not a terminal diagnosis as such, yet as I continue to grow weaker I am facing up to questions about death and impermanence in a very real way. It is of course, a constant refrain in Buddhist teachings but this is the first time my mortality has become real.

Roshi Joan Halifax of Upaya Zen Center has a saying about sitting and practice which is 'strong back, soft front'. As far as I understand it, this encompasses a vulnerability and openness to experience with courage and strength. For a large part of her life, Roshi Joan has been working with people who are dying and teaching this practice to others. Her approach to practice has been very much informed by what she has seen of people facing the end of life and she wrote a book called Being with Dying which I am currently reading in audio format and can greatly recommend to anyone interested in this subject.

Anyway, today I started watching a recording on Netflix by the American academic Brené Brown who studies topics such as shame and vulnerability. Many of you might have seen her TED talk The Power of Vulnerability which is one of the top five viewed TED talks ever. I pretty soon realised that Brené and Roshi Joan are talking about the same thing from different points of view of social scientist and Zen teacher.

This seems to be the key for me at the moment, and probably is for all of our life - the willingness to be open to the difficult stuff, the messy stuff, like when Jundo sat in hospital before his cancer operation. We turn towards instead of turning away.

This might sound simple but in practice I find it much less so. I am afraid. Very afraid. Feeling your body weaken each day is not pleasant. However, tensing against it brings more pain and there is literally nowhere to run in this condition.

Even in the unpleasantness of the moment, everything is here. How could it not be? As I break open, the world rushes in. Then we all lie here together - not one, not two.

Gassho
Kokuu

Have ordered the book in solidarity Kokuu.




Jinyo

ST

[Kyonin]

Hi Kokuu,

Thank you for all you teach us. Sitting with you always.

Gassho,

Kyonin
Sat/LAH

[Seishin]

Kokuu

Thank you for this teaching. Stay strong if not in body but in mind. Deep bows.

[Tai Shi]

I also face chronic illnesses. I live with bipolar disorder and I suffer sometimes moment by moment chronic pain caused by a form of rheumatoid arthritis called Ankylosing Spondylitis which attacks spin and other body functions notably in my case sight and breathing. You might see immediately breath is one foundation of Zen practice leading in Zazen to less or more mental states. I also experience sometimes level 9 pain, better than 10 which was my condition for about 5 years. I have hope for advanced medication, I take 2 pills, has made my mental state near normal. Advances in biological medications has lessened pain and very much slowed progress of the arthritis. Even so, sometimes my life approaches living inferno and it’s possible someday I may cry confined to a chair. Jundo has told me I may accommodate sitting, so I prop myself against a chair back and a wall. I may also tit in an office chair with chair arms. These accommodations help sitting practice such that I may focus on breath until trout is still. I recommend folks consult with your doctor and Jundo about accomplishing Zazen!IMG_1950.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Shonin Risa Bear]

Metta to you, Tai Shi, and thank you for your testimony. _()_ _()_ _()_

gassho
Doyu sat today

[Shonin Risa Bear]

One of our dharma sisters here studied with Darlene Cohen, and has taught us how to do zazen in a prone position. I have had to do that, as have several others here. Interestingly it's much the same as the "rest and recovery" pose I was taught by my Judo teacher, Dae Shek Kim, in 1967. Feet apart, knees up and together, hands in shashu. This could be called "Bodhidharma facing the ceiling."

Some of Cohen's titles: https://www.darlenecohen.net/books.html

gassho
doyu sat today

[Jinyo]

One of our dharma sisters here studied with Darlene Cohen, and has taught us how to do zazen in a prone position. I have had to do that, as have several others here. Interestingly it's much the same as the "rest and recovery" pose I was taught by my Judo teacher, Dae Shek Kim, in 1967. Feet apart, knees up and together, hands in shashu. This could be called "Bodhidharma facing the ceiling."

Some of Cohen's titles: https://www.darlenecohen.net/books.html

gassho
doyu sat today

Thank you Doyu, that is an interesting link.
There are a few of us here engaged in 'Bodidharma facing the ceiling'. Jundo has always stressed that it's fine to participate in
Zazen lying prone if physical difficulties dictate.

Metta to all in physical pain,

Jinyo

(ST - lying prone )

[Jundo]

.... Jundo has always stressed that it's fine to participate in
Zazen lying prone if physical difficulties dictate.

Metta to all in physical pain,
)

Yes, yes, for sure!

Gassho, J

STLah

[Tai Do]

I also face chronic illnesses. I live with bipolar disorder and I suffer sometimes moment by moment chronic pain caused by a form of rheumatoid arthritis called Ankylosing Spondylitis which attacks spin and other body functions notably in my case sight and breathing. You might see immediately breath is one foundation of Zen practice leading in Zazen to less or more mental states. I also experience sometimes level 9 pain, better than 10 which was my condition for about 5 years. I have hope for advanced medication, I take 2 pills, has made my mental state near normal. Advances in biological medications has lessened pain and very much slowed progress of the arthritis. Even so, sometimes my life approaches living inferno and it’s possible someday I may cry confined to a chair. Jundo has told me I may accommodate sitting, so I prop myself against a chair back and a wall. I may also tit in an office chair with chair arms. These accommodations help sitting practice such that I may focus on breath until trout is still. I recommend folks consult with your doctor and Jundo about accomplishing Zazen!

Thank you, Tai Shi.
You are an inspiration to us.
Much metta.
Gassho
Mateus
Sat/LAH