Sitting, Spiritual Bypassing, Journaling

[Jakuden]

Genjun, this really resonates with where I am in my own experience (prepare for bullshit ego story ahead, lol) I was caught in some thought/emotion loops earlier this year around the illness and death of my daughter’s horse, and Zazen was not helping. I was definitely trying to “bypass” the issues that were coming up, telling myself they were just stories, and as a Buddhist i should be able to somehow see through them and not let them suck me in. In my case, I pitched it to some folks here and got some great insight that helped me break out of the loop. Part of the solution was just the writing down of it, which is like journaling. Then I faced the painful stories head on so they could dissipate. It couldn’t be done in Zazen because it required allowing each painful story play itself out in my mind, and a lot of grieving, crying and nose-blowing. Equanimity rapidly returned after that.
Gassho
Jakuden
SatToday/LAH


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[Byokan]

Hi All,

yes to everything that's been said here! I think the thing that is often forgotten when people talk about letting go or dropping things, is that you have to have something in your hand in order to drop it. In a way, you can't let something go unless you've sort of embraced it a bit. Acknowledging and being aware is different than wallowing. Deep listening is not only a gift to give to others, we can do it with our own thoughts and feelings too. This is compassion for self, which seems to so often be in short supply. It makes it possible to really let something go, as opposed to just pushing it away, or pretending we've let go when we haven't, because we think we should be able to do that.

I guess finding the line between healthy exploration and wallowing is the middle way. How do we know the difference? One seems healthier, constructive, and leads to wholeness, where the other seems more self-indulgent and cultivates separation. I can't really say for sure; but we never err when we err on the side of compassion, so maybe there's a clue there.

Anyway shikantaza is way different than journaling/processing and both have their place. There's no conflict there if you ask me, which no one did.

Possibly wrong about everything,

Gassho
Byōkan
sat + lah

[Jakuden]

I think the thing that is often forgotten when people talk about letting go or dropping things, is that you have to have something in your hand in order to drop it.

Oh that's so well said!

Not to get off track, but it reminds me of what happens in Sesshin. There's that turning point somewhere in the middle, where you start to get really raw and open. For me, that's when the distinction between random thoughts I've been telling the wall for days and real stuff my heart is trying to wrestle with becomes clear. Those thoughts are more charged, more persistent and more difficult to verbalize. (That's when they bring you in for Daisan or Dokusan and you pour it out to the poor teacher). It's like clearing away the surface stuff allows you to go to a deeper level of awareness, a level of "listening" to what goes on within us that perhaps we don't get to in ordinary daily Zazen. And once it's acknowledged with kindness and compassion, we go on lighter, with fewer stories buried deep inside us... and then when they do come up, we can be like, "oh yeah I know what this is, that's okay" and go on.

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday/LAH

[Jundo]

Boy, it seems that journaling is a really good thing! It sounds like you are all using it wisely too.

I just recalled that our two Soto-founders, Dogen and Keizan, were big journalers. It is true.

Maybe Dogen was not as self-confessional as a modern, private diary. More of a biography and travel record. Keizan did like to write about his dreams, where he often found various revelations and mystical meanings (He was a bit more into that than Dogen).

https://www.dailyzen.com/journal/journal-of-my-study-in-china

https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/ibk1952/46/1/46_1_115/_article

Gassho, J

SatTodayLAH