Dear all
Sadly, I was not able to sit with you all live but Susan’s talk spoke to me deeply at a number of points when I listened today. There were also so many good questions and wise advice from members of the sangha. The remarks on acceptance and adaptation felt especially pertinent at this moment.
My illness has recently entered a more difficult phase which may, although unlikely, last a day, or may continue for weeks, months or years with fluctuations in pain, health and capacity to perform basic tasks. I have to crawl to the bathroom and can only sit for short periods, certainly not long enough for zazen. There is definitely a lot of grief around that and I find the acceptance takes time and is punctuated by feelings of loss, frustration and even anger. It is often hard to accept that things are okay just this moment just as they are with nothing left out yet how could it be otherwise?
Asking for help is so important and gives others the opportunity to practice kindness and generosity. One of my neighbours was here today to put my groceries away for me and another watered my plants. We do what we can for others when we can and should be grateful recipients of being taken care of when we need to. Asking for help is a time we can put pride aside and enjoy the connectedness of one human being doing something for another.
As Susan said, in conditions such as depression zazen may not be the practice that is needed. I have heard both experienced meditators and therapists suggest that when the mind is full of dark thoughts, sitting alone with them can be counterproductive. We think of zazen as letting the thoughts arise and fall away by themselves but Susan was correct that they can just stay or else come so thick and fast there is no respite. Although I have not experienced depression I have had times when the physical pain or amount of emotional pain is too much to sit with. At these time we can let our practice take another course and if all you can do is light incense and chant The Heart Sutra, do that instead. Shorter periods of sitting are also fine.
However young or well we are, eventually the impermanence of the body will (barring sudden death) become our practice or at least a part of it. As it says in the Pali Canon:
I am of the nature to grow old;
There is no way to escape growing old.
I am of the nature to have ill health;
There is no way to escape having ill health.
I am of the nature to die;
There is no way to escape death.
All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature of change;
There is no way to escape being separated from them.
These thoughts are not those of a priest-in-training but from someone who has sat with chronic illness for over two decades now.
Thank you all for your practice. May you have grace when dealing with the difficulties of the body and mind, and when caring for others going through hard times themselves.
Deep bows
Kokuu
-sattoday-
Sadly, I was not able to sit with you all live but Susan’s talk spoke to me deeply at a number of points when I listened today. There were also so many good questions and wise advice from members of the sangha. The remarks on acceptance and adaptation felt especially pertinent at this moment.
My illness has recently entered a more difficult phase which may, although unlikely, last a day, or may continue for weeks, months or years with fluctuations in pain, health and capacity to perform basic tasks. I have to crawl to the bathroom and can only sit for short periods, certainly not long enough for zazen. There is definitely a lot of grief around that and I find the acceptance takes time and is punctuated by feelings of loss, frustration and even anger. It is often hard to accept that things are okay just this moment just as they are with nothing left out yet how could it be otherwise?
Asking for help is so important and gives others the opportunity to practice kindness and generosity. One of my neighbours was here today to put my groceries away for me and another watered my plants. We do what we can for others when we can and should be grateful recipients of being taken care of when we need to. Asking for help is a time we can put pride aside and enjoy the connectedness of one human being doing something for another.
As Susan said, in conditions such as depression zazen may not be the practice that is needed. I have heard both experienced meditators and therapists suggest that when the mind is full of dark thoughts, sitting alone with them can be counterproductive. We think of zazen as letting the thoughts arise and fall away by themselves but Susan was correct that they can just stay or else come so thick and fast there is no respite. Although I have not experienced depression I have had times when the physical pain or amount of emotional pain is too much to sit with. At these time we can let our practice take another course and if all you can do is light incense and chant The Heart Sutra, do that instead. Shorter periods of sitting are also fine.
However young or well we are, eventually the impermanence of the body will (barring sudden death) become our practice or at least a part of it. As it says in the Pali Canon:
I am of the nature to grow old;
There is no way to escape growing old.
I am of the nature to have ill health;
There is no way to escape having ill health.
I am of the nature to die;
There is no way to escape death.
All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature of change;
There is no way to escape being separated from them.
These thoughts are not those of a priest-in-training but from someone who has sat with chronic illness for over two decades now.
Thank you all for your practice. May you have grace when dealing with the difficulties of the body and mind, and when caring for others going through hard times themselves.
Deep bows
Kokuu
-sattoday-
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