Zen Practice with Physical Illness or Disability

[Jundo]

Not just a chair. I once rested my hands on my walking stick! No one said anything for which I was thankful. That was a bad day though. Bottom line is, you do what you can because Zazen in a chair is better than no Zazen.

ST/LAH (gave the dog her medication)

Zazen in a chair or in the air or on a bear or on the stairs or with Fred Astaire is still perfectly lovely wonderful complete Zazen ... if the mind feels it so.

Zazen in brilliant full Lotus is bad Zazen if the mind is judging "good vs. bad."

Gassho, J

STLah

[Shokai]

Zazen in a chair or in the air or on a bear or on the stairs or with Fred

Nice Dr. Seuss imitation but, don't give up the day job just yet

gassho, shokai

stlah

[Onka]

Zazen in a chair or in the air or on a bear or on the stairs or with Fred Astaire is still perfectly lovely wonderful complete Zazen ... if the mind feels it so.

Zazen in brilliant full Lotus is bad Zazen if the mind is judging "good vs. bad."

Gassho, J

STLah

🙏

[Tai Shi]

Today I am very sad. As a person with bipolar 1, with psychotic features, and until someone mentioned my exact diagnosis, I was afraid, tell me of what? I am about to cry because I am subject to snap decisions, gotten me in deep trouble in the past. My therapist says I am fairly normal. These are words a patient longs to hear. But, sometimes I am still making bad decisions. For example, I got into trouble with a credit card, and now my wife is allowing me to dig myself out. So far has not affected good credit. Then again recently I expelled myself from Treeleaf writing to Jundo in no uncertain terms. 15 minutes later found me almost in a panic attack thinking I had abandoned one of the few places I could begin to understand anything. To make things worse, took a walk down two streets only to find I could not walk home, so called my angle wife to come and get me (new total knee, not going so well) so see, my Ankylosing Spondylitis can lead me to think I'm getting better when I'm not, then the nerve wrapped around a bone stabs me in the neck. Oh! Sure, you can say this is because of age (68) but I've had bipolar since 22, and AS has been noted since age 41. These diseases are not well understood. It is certain, there are no cures, only drugs, for a while, in addition to getting daily 22 pills, I was giving myself shots twice a week, now just every 4 weeks, then there are the periodic IV s of iron, saline, and yet another biological. These are just the medications, then there're the therapies since age 22. When a man suffers from added C.O.P.D. and does three inhalers. These are the facts of several chronic illness. I spend much of my time in treatment. It's wonderful that a man and wife have a three-day respite from driving into town every day, about 14 miles (22.53 km) to hospitals. Don't forget alcoholism 32 years in remission, and rejection by jobs one is trained for. That's what we have now. 3 days off. I'm relaxed sitting in my easy chair, listening to music. AND, writing, my passion.
Tai Shi
sat/lah
Gassho

[Onka]

Today I am very sad. As a person with bipolar 1, with psychotic features, and until someone mentioned my exact diagnosis, I was afraid, tell me of what? I am about to cry because I am subject to snap decisions, gotten me in deep trouble in the past. My therapist says I am fairly normal. These are words a patient longs to hear. But, sometimes I am still making bad decisions. For example, I got into trouble with a credit card, and now my wife is allowing me to dig myself out. So far has not affected good credit. Then again recently I expelled myself from Treeleaf writing to Jundo in no uncertain terms. 15 minutes later found me almost in a panic attack thinking I had abandoned one of the few places I could begin to understand anything. To make things worse, took a walk down two streets only to find I could not walk home, so called my angle wife to come and get me (new total knee, not going so well) so see, my Ankylosing Spondylitis can lead me to think I'm getting better when I'm not, then the nerve wrapped around a bone stabs me in the neck. Oh! Sure, you can say this is because of age (68) but I've had bipolar since 22, and AS has been noted since age 41. These diseases are not well understood. It is certain, there are no cures, only drugs, for a while, in addition to getting daily 22 pills, I was giving myself shots twice a week, now just every 4 weeks, then there are the periodic IV s of iron, saline, and yet another biological. These are just the medications, then there're the therapies since age 22. When a man suffers from added C.O.P.D. and does three inhalers. These are the facts of several chronic illness. I spend much of my time in treatment. It's wonderful that a man and wife have a three-day respite from driving into town every day, about 14 miles (22.53 km) to hospitals. Don't forget alcoholism 32 years in remission, and rejection by jobs one is trained for. That's what we have now. 3 days off. I'm relaxed sitting in my easy chair, listening to music. AND, writing, my passion.
Tai Shi
sat/lah
Gassho

In my humble opinion Tai Shi you are perfectly imperfect like the rest of us misfits.
One of my mates is Bipolar and her swings from reckless and dangerous behaviour to physically debilitating depression make being her friend quite difficult at times. In saying that, I've learnt over the years that when I need a break from her I can be brutally honest and tell her straight. Her hospital stays can often be many months at a time and are a huge burden on her family so I try to ease the pressure on them by visiting her almost daily and assisting her to understand how her expectations are affecting her relationships (for some reason I can get through to her when she's at her most manic and most depressed, maybe because I don't put up with bullsh*t).
As for my own bullsh*t... I don't tend to burn bridges Tai Shi, I tend to blow them to pieces lol. Being Autistic with bonus ADHD I am more than capable of losing my sh*t - regularly! and more than this, I'm regularly in a position where I feel the need to apologise profusely for my behaviour and actions. Friends and loved ones understand my actions and behaviour but rightfully don't excuse them, and more to the point I don't ask to be excused either.
Of course you are going to do things you regret Tai Shi, your brain is wired in a way that is out of your control. This doesn't give you the green light to be a dick but it should... SHOULD give you permission to be kind to yourself.
Take it easy Tai Shi.
Gassho
Anna

ST

[Shonin Risa Bear]

Right, Anna! A kindness to oneself is a kindness to all, Dogen said, or something like it, somewhere ... also one does not know what one might say, even in anger or anguish, that may prove to be a dharma moment to someone -- we see, for example, your wife's kind acts in many of your posts, Tai Shi, and so unknown to us but through you, she through you and with you blesses us all. _()_

gassho
doyu sat/LAH today

[sjlabat]

Tai Shi, Anna,
Thanks for your notes here - what to do with the koan of pain?
gasho
sean
sat. lah

[Onka]

With a sh*tload of meds my pain is managed as best as can be. This is nowhere near enough so I'm learning to *sit* with my pain and reluctantly accept that this is 'it'. For the pain that meds still leave me with I reluctantly, kicking and screaming have been forced to be smarter. I got a cheap reclining chair at a charity shop so I can now 'sit' Zazen easier although I often have to spend a lot of time lying down. The recliner has allowed me to start sewing a Rakusu too which is awesome. I walk 3km every afternoon with an elderly bloke who lives near by. 3km takes us around 1-1.5hrs so the pace is very slow. This turns out to be great for me because without my elderly mate I'd be doing stupid sh*t like trying to run lol. This last sentence is particularly silly because I walk with the use of a cane lolol. But yeah, at 48 years of age I'm finally starting to accept my limitations and work *with* my constant pain instead of fighting it. It's not all beer and skittles but there's always someone who is doing it tougher.
Not sure if this in any way addresses your enquiry but hey...

Gassho
Anna

STLAH

[Amelia]

...For the pain that meds still leave me with I reluctantly, kicking and screaming have been forced to be smarter... I walk 3km every afternoon with an elderly bloke who lives near by. 3km takes us around 1-1.5hrs so the pace is very slow. This turns out to be great for me because without my elderly mate I'd be doing stupid sh*t like trying to run lol. This last sentence is particularly silly because I walk with the use of a cane lolol. But yeah, at 48 years of age I'm finally starting to accept my limitations and work *with* my constant pain instead of fighting it. It's not all beer and skittles but there's always someone who is doing it tougher...

_/\_ _/\_ _/\_

Gassho
Sat today, lah

[Tai Shi]

What I can say is I take two narcotics one a low dose patch the other a medium strength pill and I have hopes of lowering the dose of both but my doctor says I will be on them for the rest of my life. I have only the choice to live in agony! Anna my A1C is 5.8 I have diabetes type 2


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[Tai Shi]

What A1C1 at 5.8 or 5.9 is that means I’m in the normal range just slightly. Yet, I still have diabetes type 2 so I brought this down from 6.5 with diet and exercise! In 3 months it might be back up! I have to watch my body like a child’s chemistry set. Life ain’t half bad in fact, it’s very good. Narcotics be damned for I made it to age 68 and some of my friends are dead! My doctor says I’m expected to live into my 80s but anything can happen. Truth be told, we all must die sooner or later. I’ve been ready for death for some time. I really am old not too old but old! Death will be is a pleasant surprise. I’ll be free of pain. I still have bad level 7 pain my waking hours. I have learned to live with my pain and enjoy life. Wham I came to Treeleaf Zendo to practice Zazen I was not very happy. Ask Jundo. I was prone to broad generalizations and sweeping exaggerated expressions. I’ve looked over my old posts from 5 years or so ago. I was not very honest. Ask my wife. Most of the time I was lying through my teeth. I’m am happy to say I am honest most of the time. We are who we are and most of us cannot escape that. You and I are kindred spirits. Be well, and don’t try too much. Just keep sitting as I do. Something is bound to happen. There's a new picture of me, I mean my face, floating around the Sangha someplace, and two fall pictures. So nice to get to know your phone and Tapatalk, nice phone app, and good people here all around here.
Taishi
sat/lah
Gassho
Am I the only one posting to this thread? Who has anything to say?

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[Tai Shi]

As of about 30 minutes ago, Marjorie applied the patch 12.5 micg lower than the previous 37.5 micro-grams/hr. At the same time she applied my Lidocain patches chest and upper back, the front and back patches are non-opiate, the first being one from lowest dose opiate available. This is an experiment in attitude. Am I the only one posting to this thread? Does anyone else have anything at all to say?
Thank you Anna-- as usual you have geared toward the "walk," this without raising my hands 10 cm above my head thereby aggravating my neck. Has Any one something to say? My walk will be slow and deliberate, one foot before the other as in Zazen.
Something?
Tai Shi
_/|\_
sat/lah
Gassho

[Kokuu]

Hi Tai Shi

The post was set up mostly to provide suggestions to people who practice with pain.

It is fine if people want to discuss this but there is only a small subset of us I think who practice with clinical levels of pain on a daily basis so it was never intended to be particularly active in the same way that other threads are.

That of course doesn't mean you shouldn't feel free to post and others may or may not join in.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Onka]

As usual Tai Shi you are doing brilliantly. Always striving to live with pain rather than let pain determine how you live.
Gassho
Anna
st

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[Onka]

Dear Everyone,

Treeleaf is an online sangha, designed with the intention of providing a place for people to practice Zen who are not able to physically access a ‘bricks and mortar’ dharma centre. Reasons for not being able to attend a physical centre include reasons of geography, life circumstances (such as working hours, caring for young children or sick relatives) and, also, having physical illness or disability.

As such, we welcome members who have physical challenges in their everyday lives which also apply to some aspects of practicing Zen. This information is intended to answer some of the most frequently asked questions which may cause people with varying physical abilities to think they cannot practice Zen or cannot do so ‘properly’, and also provide some resources on the topic from Zen and Buddhist teachers and organisations. Even if we are currently healthy, illness and aging are a certainty in life so at some point we will have to modify our practice to accommodate physical frailties.

Although some of us in the sangha already practice with disability and/or physical illness, the challenges we face may not be the challenges that you face. While we have attempted to be as inclusive as we can, please let us know if you require information or assistance that is not here, and applies to your particular situation. By doing this, we can increase the scope of support offered.


SITTING POSTURE
Zen can be a very physical practice. To begin with, being able to sustain posture on the cushion can be very demanding for anyone with challenges to their physical health. When we see rows of students sitting in the lotus posture, or half-lotus, Burmese etc, that can seem like the correct way to do things. However, forcing yourself into a posture which is more than a little uncomfortable (postures can initially feel odd as your body adjusts to them) is not conducive to good sitting and this is even more true if trying to do so might cause you long-term damage through pushing your body too hard.

If you can do the traditional postures but need support in the form of additional cushions, a neck brace, back support and such like, it is completely fine to do this.

Alternative postures to the standard zafu sitting include sitting in a chair (often with a cushion or zafu under your feet so if they do not naturally reach the floor), lying on your side (such as the Buddha’s parinirvana posture) and lying on your back (including support under your knees) such as in the yoga śavāsana (corpse) pose.

This article gives some advice on alternative postures.

It is perfectly fine to attend zazenkai and other sits and ceremonies in supported or reclining postures.


BOWING
Bowing, especially full-length prostrations, can be physically demanding. If prostrations are required in the weekly zazenkai or other ceremony, you can instead visualise doing this with your hands held in gassho (if you are able). If the gassho position (palms together and held with the base of the thumbs in the centre of the chest) cannot be achieved or maintained, it is okay just to visualise doing this also. If your physical ability necessitates a one-handed gassho, this is completely acceptable.


KINHIN
Kinhin (mindful walking) occurs between sessions of zazen in the weekly and monthly zazenkai. If you are unable to walk, then this can be replaced with some mindful stretching. Part of the function of kinhin is to stretch the muscles after zazen in addition to being aware of our body as it moves. Stretching also achieves both of these things.

If stretching is not possible then consider watching the movement of the breth.

If you are able to do a brief amount of kinhin then please do this for as long as you are able and then either stretch or watch the breath as above.


SEWING
Jukai (taking the precepts) and Shukke Tokudo (homeleaving ordination) both require sewing as part of the preparation for the ceremony. Before Jukai, participants sew a rakusu. Before Shukke Tokudo a kesa is sewn. These sewing activities are part of a commitment to the practice and the ceremony about to happen but rely on the sangha member being sufficiently able to sew.

If you require assistance or modifications to the normal method to be able to sew (such as using a machine rather than hand stitching) this should almost always be possible. If no sewing, or very limited sewing is possible, then a family member or sangha friend can make part or whole of the rakusu or kesa for you. We do not wish someone who wishes to be part of the sangha and take the precepts to be prevented from doing so because of this.


PAIN
Here at Treeleaf, we sit zazen in the traditional Sōtō style, in full completeness with nothing lacking. However, while it is not the aim of practice, it has been noticed that levels of pain during and after sitting can feel reduced. This may be of benefit to sangha members who experience pain, especially chronic pain.

Jundo talks about sitting with pain and alternative postures here.


TIME AWAY FROM THE SANGHA
Some people with illness and disability find it hard to sustain a consistent interaction with Treeleaf or need periods of time away when their health becomes bad. Firstly, many able-bodied members have life circumstances which mean that they also struggle to keep up with the sangha on a day-to-day basis and many also take time away for personal reasons, so you are not alone in this. Secondly, there is a thread on the forum for letting us know if you are going to be away for a while. Also, please let one of the unsui know or a sangha friend if you would like us to be in contact and support you while you are away. It is often the times that you need to be away from the sangha that you might need us most.


SANGHA CONTACT POINT
If you wish to discuss any issues around disability and/or physical illness and how you can be supported in your practice then please contact Kokuu. He has been practicing with chronic illness himself for 21 years. Also let him know if you wish to suggest modifications and improvements for this resource guide.

It is also important to be very careful if you feel or suspect that you might have a present physical or mental condition that might interfere with Zazen or other activities in our Sangha. If you are not sure, then you should consult with a doctor or mental health professional and only participate with their approval, guidance and oversight. Although Zen Practice should be safe for most people if you do not do more than your body or condition allows you, if there could be any doubt, please check with your physician first before undertaking any activity.


RESOURCES

Articles
Buddhism and Disability
Handicapped Buddhism by Richard Louis Bruno

Books
How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide by Toni Bernhard
Lotus in the Fire: the healing power of Zen by Jim Bedard
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
Rogue Monk: A Memoir About Zen, Disability, and Work by Mugan Sozan Peter Schellin (provisional)
This Is Getting Old. Zen Thoughts on Aging with Humor and Dignity by Susan Moon
Turning Suffering Inside Out by Darlene Cohen

Talks
Dongshan is Unwell (Norman Fischer)
Radical Acceptance and Practicing Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach)
Suffering and Gratitude (Norman Fischer)
Transforming Illness Through Love and Letting Go (Susan Bauer-Wu)

Gassho, Jundo
SatTodayLAH

Thank you to Kokuu for drafting the above and shepherding this project.

Good afternoon folks.
Just thought I'd draw everyone's attention to this post by Jundo (drafted by Kokuu), as it is one I revisit regularly as someone with physical limitations.
Western Zen Buddhism in general is pretty sensitive to practice with disabilities (different abilities) but Treeleaf is in my humble opinion leading the way.
It's easy to talk inclusion but to truly put inclusion into a real every day manifestation, let alone have inclusion beyond disabilities to be essentially your mission statement is revolutionary.
I mean this. Treeleaf Zendo and Sangha is revolutionary in the most beautiful, peaceful and deliberate way.
While others talk, Treeleaf does. And does with sensitivity!
Being sensitive and respectful to and of the lineage, history, teaching, teachers and continuity of Soto Zen Buddhism would be hard enough. Doing all this while making it almost universally available thanks to technology to those who for whatever reason, again beyond disabilities is a genuine treasure that I sincerely hope is recognised beyond these virtual walls.
I revisit this post because it is important to me.
Even though I'm welcome, even though the core values of this Zendo and Sangha of inclusiveness are clear I regularly revisit it.
Buddhist history is rich, as is Soto Zen Buddhist history. Our contemporary teaching resources reflect this but also reflect progress. They often include mention of various postures one can sit 'proper' Zazen in which we believe that within the big four - Full Lotus, Half Lotus, Burmese and Chair (strictly no resting against the back!) anyone can practice. They are not only enough but are the only ones by which 'enlightenment'[emoji769] will be possible.
That's because our modern, progressive voices are also predominantly able bodied and I say that with the greatest respect.
It's my opinion that historical figures like the Buddha, JC, Mohammed and Dogen were revolutionaries in that they weren't afraid to rock the boat, to shake up the system, to upset the status quo in order to bring people the truth and for that truth to be accessible.
I believe that Treeleaf does this too in the most gentle, respectful and sensitive way by practicing its teaching, holding a mirror up to itself and being fearless in openness to change.
For all of the above reasons Treeleaf is my home Sangha, Jundo is my teacher, and everyone that contributes to the continued success of Treeleaf are folk I offer the deepest bows I can.
In relation to practice (life) I do what I can, when I can, however I can, and that is fluid depending on what day or even what part of a day that is.
I try not to place limitations on myself but society in general does a pretty good job at reminding me that I should. Treeleaf doesn't and I am thankful beyond words.
Gassho
Anna
Sat today (reclined in a chair that has a cushion on it with a cut out so there's limited pressure on my spine, supported with a pillow behind my lower back and a small cushion behind my neck. I also did kinhin with the aid of a long bamboo pole as I needed extra support today)/Lent a hand by driving my partner who has MS to a nearby town to get her out of the house as a bit of a pick-me-up.


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