Welcome to Treeleaf's Mental Health Issues Practice Group

[Jundo]

Dear All,

Alongside the Neurodiversity Practice Group, we have set aside this Mental Health Issues Practice Group as a space for the discussion of practicing with a variety of mental health conditions. Many of our members are included in this demographic and it is the hope that this space is a place in which people can support each other in their practice.

The usual forum guidelines apply, in terms of treating each other with respect, and some are particularly important here, such as not offering medical advice, even if you are a mental health professional outside of Treeleaf, including advising on medications.

The primary focus, as with everything at Treeleaf, is on how we practice with all of life.

This part of Treeleaf, as a subsection of the The Zen of Health Ailments Practice Group forum, will be overseen by our Rev. Kokuu. with Rev. Onki also acting as a moderator and support. Please contact them if you have any questions. (PM Kokuu)

In terms of privacy, this part of the website is behind the Treeleaf firewall so cannot be viewed by non-members. However, everyone who is a member of Treeleaf will potentially be able to see what you write, so please bear that in mind if you are sharing sensitive information. Talking one-on-one with one of our priests or Jundo is always an option if there are subjects you would prefer not to be out in the open.

We hope that this will be an area where members can share the particular issues and obstacles they might sometimes face in practicing with mental health issues, from extreme anxiety, to depression to more. May we all learn from one another, be a helping hand, and continue to honor our Ancestors, including those who struggled with like conditions in the past, and have broken down barriers for us. May we practice with compassion, understanding, and an open heart.

Gassho, Jundo
stlah

[Ddixon]

Thank you Jundo for creating this forum. Having a voice and ability to discuss and process issues is one of the greatest factors in mental health recovery.

I've had my share of neurodivergent issue in my life, which is a major factor of why I became a therapist. I love my profession and discussing why the mind does things it does. I will strive to stay within the guidelines (pretty good at following orders), though if I should move towards the edge of those guidelines, I ask a subtle smack with the zen stick.

One thing I will share about my early experiences, because I find it funny. I was fully mute until I was 3, and selectively mute till the age of 5. My family spent a fortune having me tested and analyzed to figure out "what was wrong with me". The family was not happy when the doctors told them I actually had an advanced vocabulary for my age; I just had nothing of value to say to them, thus kept my mouth shut.

Gassho,

Douglas
satlah

[Marita]

Thanks again, Jundo for all you do here at Tree Leaf!
Not many have posted yet, so I'm a bit shy.
gassho

[Kokuu]

Thanks again, Jundo for all you do here at Tree Leaf!
Not many have posted yet, so I'm a bit shy.
gassho

Hi Marita

A number of people have posted in this thread but it is up to you if you wish to share or not and, if you do, how much: https://forum.treeleaf.org/forum/tre...alth-condition

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Steve Rossiter]

Hi all,

First, thank you Jundo and company for starting this.

I am a person with adhd, and ptsd. My childhood was a shambles without much love. Any love shown came with a price. My mother was diagnosed with severe depression and multiple personality disorder. When heavily medicated, she was a loving and caring person, when not, she was a nightmare. I assume its for this reason my father left. I only write this part in the hopes that it helps someone.

My Adhd is severe, and medicated along with my depression. This makes it unique to practice the way.

My concentration is all over the place on some days, so the most i can do is sit in my car for 5 to 10 minutes with the universal mudra. And say the 4 vows. Other days I join my Sangha family for a nice sit.

I had to withdrawal from Jukai this year because i feel i have not found that space in my life yet to make holy, and therefore may not be as committed as i ought to be. This is most likely due to my own self hangups.

My ego is the ultimate block for me.

Everything is about me. Good or bad. I think things like:
If i dont attend zazen, everyone notices
What do I want for Christmas (I have 5 kids and a wife, lol)
What is wrong with me
How can I make their story about something I did that was similar
how can I get the spotlight back on me.
How can I make them like me.

my question is, How can I kill my ego with compassion toward others.
How can I make this about the universal self.
How can I show everyone how much I value and love them, without making it about me.

Sorry for the rant. Any help is appreciated.

Gassho, stLah

[Shinkon]

Hi Steve,

You have many things in your orbit. With childhood trauma, adhd, depression, and ptsd, adding another thing to your life may seem like a passing star.
A wise monk, once told me that practice (Zen practice) is for those who want it.

As a person with ptsd, ASD, depression, and multiple sclerosis, I am able to relate to what you have said. Although my kids are now in college, they witnessed my ups and downs, as well as my struggle with practice. In a family unit, everyone shares their reality and bears witness to each others' triumphs and struggles.
As a childhood abuse survivor, I still struggle with the fact that my bipolar type I mother decided not to receive help and swept the past under the rug. My father, the enabler and participant, chose avoidance in his older life as well.

Do not take my above entry as saying my experience equates with yours. Everyone's experience is their own, requiring a more tailored approach.

If you want to meet on zoom or contact me through messages, I may be able to help.

For now, if you are able, find 3 to 5 minutes, follow your breath, and continue your day. After you feel that you have your sea legs, increase it to 7 or 10.
This can be practiced in a break room, the bathroom, lying in bed - wherever you can find a moment that can be for yourself.

Try this and let's talk.

Gassho,
Shinkon
satlah

[Jundo]

Just to add a little ...

I had to withdrawal from Jukai this year because i feel i have not found that space in my life yet to make holy

When the heart is vast and forgiving, what corner of life is NOT Holy?

How can I show everyone how much I value and love them, without making it about me.

Just talk about them more, not you, and do things for them without considering so much what is in it for you. The actions and words can come first, and the heart will follow after.

Gassho, J
stlah

[Steve Rossiter]

Just to add a little ...



When the heart is vast and forgiving, what corner of life is NOT Holy?



Just talk about them more, not you, and do things for them without considering so much what is in it for you. The actions and words can come first, and the heart will follow after.

Gassho, J
stlah

Thanks Jundo. I need to let your words on Holiness permeate my pre conceived notion of what is considered holy. I will practice with this and intentions for others in mind.


Gassho St.LAH

[Steve Rossiter]

Hi Steve,

You have many things in your orbit. With childhood trauma, adhd, depression, and ptsd, adding another thing to your life may seem like a passing star.
A wise monk, once told me that practice (Zen practice) is for those who want it.

As a person with ptsd, ASD, depression, and multiple sclerosis, I am able to relate to what you have said. Although my kids are now in college, they witnessed my ups and downs, as well as my struggle with practice. In a family unit, everyone shares their reality and bears witness to each others' triumphs and struggles.
As a childhood abuse survivor, I still struggle with the fact that my bipolar type I mother decided not to receive help and swept the past under the rug. My father, the enabler and participant, chose avoidance in his older life as well.

Do not take my above entry as saying my experience equates with yours. Everyone's experience is their own, requiring a more tailored approach.

If you want to meet on zoom or contact me through messages, I may be able to help.

For now, if you are able, find 3 to 5 minutes, follow your breath, and continue your day. After you feel that you have your sea legs, increase it to 7 or 10.
This can be practiced in a break room, the bathroom, lying in bed - wherever you can find a moment that can be for yourself.

Try this and let's talk.

Gassho,
Shinkon
satlah

Shinkon, I will definitely take you up on this offer of reaching to you. Thank you for sharing with me.

Gassho, St. LAH

[Onki]

Hi all,

First, thank you Jundo and company for starting this.

I am a person with adhd, and ptsd. My childhood was a shambles without much love. Any love shown came with a price. My mother was diagnosed with severe depression and multiple personality disorder. When heavily medicated, she was a loving and caring person, when not, she was a nightmare. I assume its for this reason my father left. I only write this part in the hopes that it helps someone.

My Adhd is severe, and medicated along with my depression. This makes it unique to practice the way.

My concentration is all over the place on some days, so the most i can do is sit in my car for 5 to 10 minutes with the universal mudra. And say the 4 vows. Other days I join my Sangha family for a nice sit.

I had to withdrawal from Jukai this year because i feel i have not found that space in my life yet to make holy, and therefore may not be as committed as i ought to be. This is most likely due to my own self hangups.

My ego is the ultimate block for me.

Everything is about me. Good or bad. I think things like:
If i dont attend zazen, everyone notices
What do I want for Christmas (I have 5 kids and a wife, lol)
What is wrong with me
How can I make their story about something I did that was similar
how can I get the spotlight back on me.
How can I make them like me.

my question is, How can I kill my ego with compassion toward others.
How can I make this about the universal self.
How can I show everyone how much I value and love them, without making it about me.

Sorry for the rant. Any help is appreciated.

Gassho, stLah

Hey Steve!

First of all, let me say that we absolutely love having you sit with us at the Early Bird Zazen session when you are able.

I’m so sorry you had to experience all of this. My heart goes out to you. As someone with a host of ailments, I too am a survivor of domestic violence. I also have complex PTSD from years of abuse.

I hear you saying you want to show love and compassion to others and that is wonderful. And I know this may sound counterintuitive, but I think you need to begin by showing love and compassion to yourself. You are trying. You are acknowledging that you want to be more skillful in your actions and behaviours. You made the decision to withdraw from Jukai this year as you feel you aren’t quite ready. This is courageous.

Do you engage in metta practice? This involves offering love and compassion to those you love, those you don’t know, those you may not like, and to yourself.

Gasshō,

On

sat/lah

[Steve Rossiter]

Hi Steve,

You have many things in your orbit. With childhood trauma, adhd, depression, and ptsd, adding another thing to your life may seem like a passing star.
A wise monk, once told me that practice (Zen practice) is for those who want it.

As a person with ptsd, ASD, depression, and multiple sclerosis, I am able to relate to what you have said. Although my kids are now in college, they witnessed my ups and downs, as well as my struggle with practice. In a family unit, everyone shares their reality and bears witness to each others' triumphs and struggles.
As a childhood abuse survivor, I still struggle with the fact that my bipolar type I mother decided not to receive help and swept the past under the rug. My father, the enabler and participant, chose avoidance in his older life as well.

Do not take my above entry as saying my experience equates with yours. Everyone's experience is their own, requiring a more tailored approach.

If you want to meet on zoom or contact me through messages, I may be able to help.

For now, if you are able, find 3 to 5 minutes, follow your breath, and continue your day. After you feel that you have your sea legs, increase it to 7 or 10.
This can be practiced in a break room, the bathroom, lying in bed - wherever you can find a moment that can be for yourself.

Try this and let's talk.

Gassho,
Shinkon
satlah

Thanks Shinkon!
I have taken your advice, and find any small time i have (mostly in my car before work) to practice.

I have also realized that i can join zazen after it starts. Which was a big thing for me for some reason.

While we may not have experienced the exact same hardships, i truly believe it is part of a collective consciousness and welcome your help.

Gassho, StLAH
Steve

[Steve Rossiter]

Hey Steve!

First of all, let me say that we absolutely love having you sit with us at the Early Bird Zazen session when you are able.

I’m so sorry you had to experience all of this. My heart goes out to you. As someone with a host of ailments, I too am a survivor of domestic violence. I also have complex PTSD from years of abuse.

I hear you saying you want to show love and compassion to others and that is wonderful. And I know this may sound counterintuitive, but I think you need to begin by showing love and compassion to yourself. You are trying. You are acknowledging that you want to be more skillful in your actions and behaviours. You made the decision to withdraw from Jukai this year as you feel you aren’t quite ready. This is courageous.

Do you engage in metta practice? This involves offering love and compassion to those you love, those you don’t know, those you may not like, and to yourself.

Gasshō,

On

sat/lah

Hi Onki

I love the early birds, and miss sitting daily with you all.

Let me say that its folks like you, Shinkon, and all that makes me feel embraced and loved.

I use to do Metta practice, but thought it was not exactly part of Soto zen, so stopped. It is encouraging to know you and others in Treeleaf practice this, and i will re introduce this to my daily practice.

Gassho StLAH
steve

[Shinkon]

Hi Onki

I love the early birds, and miss sitting daily with you all.

Let me say that its folks like you, Shinkon, and all that makes me feel embraced and loved.

I use to do Metta practice, but thought it was not exactly part of Soto zen, so stopped. It is encouraging to know you and others in Treeleaf practice this, and i will re introduce this to my daily practice.

Gassho StLAH
steve

Hi Steve!

I am glad to be of service. Anytime you feel a need to reach out, the sangha is here for you. Yes! Metta practice is a great thing to incorporate into our practice. For me, I personally start my Mondays with zazen and Metta practice - then coffee.
See you around the zendo!

Gassho,
Shinkon

[Steve Rossiter]

Hi Steve!

For me, I personally start my Mondays with zazen and Metta practice - then coffee.


Gassho,
Shinkon

Coffee is a must!

Gassho, StLAH
Steve

[Onki]

Coffee is a must!

Gassho, StLAH
Steve

Matcha!

Gasshō,

On

sat/lah