BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 36

[AlanLa]

It is hard to express how much this koan meant to me here. I had to draw it and frame it and put it up in my room. I have been familiar with the phrases sun-faced buddha and moon-faced buddha for quite some time, but reading this story somehow made it real for me in ways I can't express in words. I get it now!

WOW

Case 36: Baso's Illness


Question: We have a lot of folks in this Sangha who have faced times of serious illness and the like. Has this Practice somehow allowed you to be in such times differently than you might otherwise before you walking this Practice? Please tell us.

Gassho, J

Hi!
Before I started really practicing zazen regularly I had a period of psychological illness. I had to quit school and the doctors gave me the diagnosis "Asperger syndrome?", the question mark is because they weren´t shure about was what wrong with me. This was like twelve years ago. I did get better with the help of therapi and medicine.
Now a days I feel very well. However, two years ago I had a feeling of getting ill again. Instead of panicking, like I did the first time, not knowing what was happening, this time I could see the illness coming and knew how to handel it. I went to a therapist and got help before it actually broke out. Of course this is due to that I recognized the symptoms because it happened before.
But I also think that my practise of Zen and zazen helped me to be in connection with myself, being able to spot my illness before it actually "got hold of me". Both in the way of seeing that this wasn´t a part of me, that the sickness was not who I am, and also by accepting it, to not push it away, pretending it wasn´t there.

Sun-faced
Moon-faced
both one Buddha

Gassho
Kantai

[Matt]

Great news, Daizan. Deep bows to you and your family. Matt J

Just a little note about silver linings. The principle of my son's school called and offered a very generous bursary. It kind of blew us away. It will still be tight, but William can attend again in 2014/15. Maybe if we just chop wood, carry water, and do our best, silver linings can sometimes just present themselves?

Gassho Daizan

This is wonderful news Daizan. =)

Gassho
Shingen

[Geika]

For now, that's good news, Daizan!

[RichardH]

Just a little note about silver linings. The principle of my son's school called and offered a very generous bursary. It kind of blew us away. It will still be tight, but William can attend again in 2014/15. Maybe if we just chop wood, carry water, and do our best, silver linings can sometimes just present themselves?

Gassho Daizan

[Matt]

Last night, I had trouble falling asleep. Then my daughter woke me up in the middle of the night. On top of that, I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep.


Then I read this koan on the train into work today and found that it spoke to me.


In the past, I have really struggled with my attitude following a short night's sleep (just ask my wife). It's not simply being a bit tired, but rather, my poor outlook on what the day will bring due to my short night's sleep.


So, sun-faced Buddha. Moon-faced (old age?) Buddha. When I'm tired, there is tired Buddha. When I'm alert, there is alert Buddha.


What I take from this koan is not to fight this or even to try and transcend this. Just sun-faced when sun and moon-faced when moon.


Gassho,


Matt J


ps Deep bows to those who have posted on the more serious topic of illness in this thread.

[Myoku]

Thank you everyone,
best wishes for Daizan, his family and everyone in difficult situations.
Gassho
Myoku

[RichardH]

Thank you Treeleaf for these words and thoughts.

The sadness of this morning moved through, and this evening I'm watching Dexter on netflix, while the kid avoids homework, and his mother talks baby talk with the dog. The first warmish springish day has produced a tiny little moth, and the fridge is humming.

Deep bows Daizan

[Geika]

Keep on rolling along, Daizan. Metta and gassho.

[Daitetsu]

Dear Daizan,

I will sit for you and your family and wish you all the best!

Gassho,

Daitetsu

[Risho]

Daizan, metta to you and your family.

Gassho,

Risho

[Ishin]

Metta to all in this thread. Will sit with all of you for these challenges.
Gassho
C

[Shugen]

Thank you Daizan for sharing this with us. I hope to have your strength and insight when my time for impossible choices comes. I wish there were more that I could do.

Very deep bows,

Shugen


Shugen

[Jundo]

Will be sitting the Zazenkai this week for you and all your loved ones, Daizan.

Gassho, J