BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 36

[Myosha]

Hello,

Can't take serious illness seriously. The broken bones, sprained joints, heart attack, blindness, coma, influenza, et.al. in this bag o' bones is none of my business. With joy I'm attached to Vows and constant neuralgia is only a condition to realize, accept, and throw away. Once the Vows are attained I intend to return to non-attachment. Life as it is.

With gratitude,



Gassho,
Myosha

[Kaishin]

"Enjoy the non-toothache."

I don't know who said this, but I think of it a lot. It puts things in perspective, especially if you've experienced several days with a bad toothache.

I try to keep aware of the abiding Sun-Faced Buddha, but also welcome the Moon-Faced Buddha when he must show. Still the same Buddha, even if the Moon-Faced Buddha brings some anxiety.

We could even say, "enjoy the toothache," because we are lucky enough that our facial nerves are working properly! Which is paraphrasing Shohaku Okamura, or was it Uchiyama Roshi or maybe someone else, who said something to the effect of, be grateful for your stomach ache, because it means that your stomach is healthy enough to tell you when it's sick! If you can't feel your stomach, then you've got a problem.

As for Jundo's question, yes I think I handle things less reactively now and can better focus on the caretaker role when those around me are sick. But I am certainly not the paragon of selflessness and equanimity that I think we'd all like to be.

[Amelia]

Good perspective, Kaishin.

Gassho

[Jundo]

We could even say, "enjoy the toothache," because we are lucky enough that our facial nerves are working properly! Which is paraphrasing Shohaku Okamura, or was it Uchiyama Roshi or maybe someone else, who said something to the effect of, be grateful for your stomach ache, because it means that your stomach is healthy enough to tell you when it's sick! If you can't feel your stomach, then you've got a problem.

Let me say that I do this too, and I believe that it is important to "see the bright side" and think positively. Every cloud does have a silver lining. For one small example (but big in our family), the death of our little cat some weeks ago has allowed us to welcome a very gregarious kitten into our home this week. Without one, there would not have been the other. There is that very old Chinese story ...

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years.
One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "May be," said the farmer.

Also, I believe that one has a better (but never guaranteed) chance of succeeding on a project in life if one holds a positive (while also "eyes open" realistic) attitude toward one's chances and getting to the goal.

But I also remind folks that, in Zazen, we also feel a kind of Great Gratitude toward the ups and downs in life which does not always manifest necessarily as an obvious feeling of gratitude ...

This "Buddha quote", however nice it sounds, is not something the Buddha likely said at all (turns out to be from the cheery 70's writer on love, Leo Buscaglia). Oh, the Buddha certainly taught us to be grateful for this precious life, but also to be Grateful (Big "G") in a way that puts down the balance sheet and any need even to hunt for the "silver lining".

What is the difference between gratitude and Great Gratitude seen in a Buddha's Eye?

(more here)
SIT-A-LONG with Jundo: gratitude & Great Gratitude

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?11275-SIT-A-LONG-with-Jundo-gratitude-Great-Gratitude

Buddha Gratitude even holds those hard times in life when gratitude is the last thing we feel!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2Wx230gYJw

Gassho, J

[RichardH]

Question: We have a lot of folks in this Sangha who have faced times of serious illness and the like. Has this Practice somehow allowed you to be in such times differently than you might otherwise before you walking this Practice? Please tell us

My wife and I have have been administering and monitoring chemotherapy for my elderly mother-in-law at home. Three weeks ago the chemo went sideways, and she went into complete rejection. Now she is off chemo and very frail. As well, her husband, who is also in our care, is finally beginning long delayed dialysis at home. Both my wife's and my working lives have been deeply impacted by this responsibility. She had to defer completing schooling for a degree she needs for her current position, and as a result has lost that position. My studio work has lost steam, and finances are tight. Our son, who has Tourette syndrome and mild autism, has been attending a private school that can support his needs, and we have made the difficult decision to pull him out of this school (where he has been thriving) in order to pay for home nursing care for the seniors. This way we can focus on sorting out our work lives.

After meeting with the school this morning, I sat in the car and felt tears flow for the second time in the last few weeks. I never used to cry from sadness, tears could flow over beauty or awe, but never sadness. This is new. It is just happening. The interesting thing is that now when there is sadness, it isn't sadness with a silver lining, or sadness mitigated by looking at the bright side. It is just sadness as sadness. There is no indulgence in it, but no trying to wiggle out of it either, so it is simple. This is a greater freedom than I have ever known before, to be able to just feel sad when it is time to feel sad. There is a deeper freedom, and I am very grateful.

Gassho Daizan

[Mp]

My wife and I have have been administering and monitoring chemotherapy for my elderly mother-in-law at home. Three weeks ago the chemo went sideways, and she went into complete rejection. Now she is off chemo and very frail. As well, her husband, who is also in our care, is finally beginning long delayed dialysis at home. Both my wife's and my working lives have been deeply impacted by this responsibility. She had to defer completing schooling for a degree she needs for her current position, and as a result has lost that position. My studio work has lost steam, and finances are tight. Our son, who has Tourette syndrome and mild autism, has been attending a private school that can support his needs, and we have made the difficult decision to pull him out of this school (where he has been thriving) in order to pay for home nursing care for the seniors. This way we can focus on sorting out our work lives.

After meeting with the school this morning, I sat in the car and felt tears flow for the second time in the last few weeks. I never used to cry from sadness, tears could flow over beauty or awe, but never sadness. This is new. It is just happening. The interesting thing is that now when there is sadness, it isn't sadness with a silver lining, or sadness mitigated by looking at the bright side. It is just sadness as sadness. There is no indulgence in it, but no trying to wiggle out of it either, so it is simple. This is a greater freedom than I have ever known before, to be able to just feel sad when it is time to feel sad. There is a deeper freedom, and I am very grateful.

Gassho Daizan

Daizan,

I am so sorry to hear of these struggles you are facing ... thank you for sharing and know that I will sit with you and your family during that sadness. Much metta to you!

Deep bows
Shingen

[Jundo]

Will be sitting the Zazenkai this week for you and all your loved ones, Daizan.

Gassho, J

[Shugen]

Thank you Daizan for sharing this with us. I hope to have your strength and insight when my time for impossible choices comes. I wish there were more that I could do.

Very deep bows,

Shugen


Shugen

[Ishin]

Metta to all in this thread. Will sit with all of you for these challenges.
Gassho
C

[Risho]

Daizan, metta to you and your family.

Gassho,

Risho

[Daitetsu]

Dear Daizan,

I will sit for you and your family and wish you all the best!

Gassho,

Daitetsu

[Amelia]

Keep on rolling along, Daizan. Metta and gassho.

[RichardH]

Thank you Treeleaf for these words and thoughts.

The sadness of this morning moved through, and this evening I'm watching Dexter on netflix, while the kid avoids homework, and his mother talks baby talk with the dog. The first warmish springish day has produced a tiny little moth, and the fridge is humming.

Deep bows Daizan

[Myoku]

Thank you everyone,
best wishes for Daizan, his family and everyone in difficult situations.
Gassho
Myoku

[Matt]

Last night, I had trouble falling asleep. Then my daughter woke me up in the middle of the night. On top of that, I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep.


Then I read this koan on the train into work today and found that it spoke to me.


In the past, I have really struggled with my attitude following a short night's sleep (just ask my wife). It's not simply being a bit tired, but rather, my poor outlook on what the day will bring due to my short night's sleep.


So, sun-faced Buddha. Moon-faced (old age?) Buddha. When I'm tired, there is tired Buddha. When I'm alert, there is alert Buddha.


What I take from this koan is not to fight this or even to try and transcend this. Just sun-faced when sun and moon-faced when moon.


Gassho,


Matt J


ps Deep bows to those who have posted on the more serious topic of illness in this thread.