BOOK OF EQUANIMITY- case 20

[galen]

Until the recent past, I had faith in some sort of narrative for myself. I started somewhere, and was clearly going somewhere else. I couldn't always articulate the destination, but that didn't seem to diminish my belief.

After sitting for a short time, I am able to admit that I am less the mountain and more the weather around it. I don't know (in the most mundane way) where this leads, and I've mostly stopped wondering. Amidst all this uncertainty, there is this practice. For me, for now, that is enough.

Incidentally, I feel I'm missing something of the appreciators verse: "The matter of thirty years' pilgrimage -- a clear transgression against one's pair of eyebrows." Perhaps someone could explain.

Gassho,
Shujin

Shujin... in first reading your post here, it seemed very real, insightful and a somewhat courageous take on yourself, but then landing softly in 'for me, for now, that is enough' (how true!). Then your lower post seemed to call out yourself to this one being messy. You may not be as messy here as you might think.


Gassho

[galen]

Spontaneously, joyfully, playfully the flag is flying.
Who could hang a name on me.
Trust not knowing with your life.

Nice. Thanks for this, it is Rich!


Gassho

[Myoku]

Thank you Taigu and everyone contributing (in this thread or just by following),

a couple of years ago when I engaged in several buddhist forums I though of a signature that goes "Not knowing. No opinion. Seeing what is.". While this is a bit stupid in some sense in contains something I still believe is pretty ... vital to practice, at least for me: Not knowing. I feel that Knowing often means having made my mind on what I cannot grasp, it often means an over-simplification of the wondrous. It often means I shut the door and not being open anymore. It more or less means anything but living practice (or practicing life). And no, I cannot tell you any answer
_()_
Myoku

[Risho]

When you get up, what happens then?

Does not knowing has a colour or shape?
Does it speak?
How big are the legs?
How far its arms can reach out?
How to know not knowing?
How can it be known?
Where are you in this knowing?
Still there?

I don't know

[Kaishin]

I find myself often trying to think my way into a state of Before Thinking. Pretty dumb. But it keeps happening. Even though it seems that zazen is the only real gateway.


Gassho, Kaishin / Matt

[Heisoku]

Not knowing is living fully out of the expanse- space before thoughts arise, hishiryo, beyond thinking.
Where are you in this knowing?

There is so much space in each moment, around each thought. Where indeed are you in this spaciousness?....In 'not knowing'.

[Daitetsu]

Don't really know
says this scared rabitt
just trembling because of being slapped by these questions

What do you have to lose?

Gassho,

Timo

[Memo]

Don't really know
says this scared rabitt
just trembling because of being slapped by these questions

[Rich]

Spontaneously, joyfully, playfully the flag is flying.
Who could hang a name on me.
Trust not knowing with your life.

[Shujin]

I keep coming back to this thread. Thinking about the questions, thinking about my answers, thinking about what to write and eventually writing nothing because every time I try to answer them my words drive me so far away from what I am actually feeling. I think about the questions and let them go. For me the realization of the moment where my thought arises and the point where I let it go is precious...useful. The same goes for PPE 9 as to why I practice zen. Constantly changing and flowing non-answers. This is my answer right...now. gone!

Gassho,

Daido

Thanks for this response, Daido. I feel it encompasses the object of my clumsy post above.

[Jiken]

I do not have answers really for these questions.

I keep coming back to this thread. Thinking about the questions, thinking about my answers, thinking about what to write and eventually writing nothing because every time I try to answer them my words drive me so far away from what I am actually feeling. I think about the questions and let them go. For me the realization of the moment where my thought arises and the point where I let it go is precious...useful. The same goes for PPE 9 as to why I practice zen. Constantly changing and flowing non-answers. This is my answer right...now. gone!

Gassho,

Daido

[galen]

Who is such a person? a person who `thinks they know. Lead by the head and not the heart.

Not knowing is the most intimate because it seems to embody true feelings of being open to knowing through dichotomy. Both sides of one coin, the wholeness of what Is. How can you know, without not knowing? How can you find east without west?


Gassho

Hi


And I cannot thank you enough for doing so!


I woke up today and sat on the back deck sneaking a forbidden cig (tisk tisk I know) while I drank my coffee, cold air blowing throw the rip in my pants, and making me cringe.
Standing to butt my bad habit, I saw a then shiny (melted frost) absolutely imperfectly perfect water washed and shaped rock sitting there in the dead grass.
I picked it up and inspected it and pondered how it got there. I had no clue. Silly thought, I was about to drop it again and realized in that instant I could not tell it from me with the raw wind on my hand. I had lost, for a moment, my arms and hands fingers and sense...the rock was as much me as I was it. The grass the bare tree limbs the cold wind the clouds blowing by making me dizzy as I stared off. I dawned on me for a second, I could not put it into words, but it dimmed my need find an answer. Shit who cares how it got here... amazing that its here in the grandest sense.

I was a bit shocked and looked up from it, here I sat on a rock, holding a rock wondering how it got here. I laughed out loud and put it back where it found me, and pulled the last drag and put the but in a the stinking tin.

This not knowing scared me for I felt I lost for a lifetime in that moment... it all fell away. I did not stop thinking I just let those thoughts be and realized that any answer I can come up with is just a me grabbing at something to ground this self.

Anywho, how big are the legs, big enough! Everything is in arms reach when I stop trying to get a handle on things. Not knowing was the very colour of that moment. I cannot wrap the right words around to convey it and its already long gone.

I do not have answers really for these questions.

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This is great Shohei, thank you. I could actually feel the cold as you described it.

Gassho
Michael

[Omoi Otoshi]

Anywho, how big are the legs, big enough! Everything is in arms reach when I stop trying to get a handle on things. Not knowing was the very colour of that moment. I cannot wrap the right words around to convey it and its already long gone.

I do not have answers really for these questions.

Who does?

I like your answers for what it's worth.

Gassho,
/Pontus

[Shohei]

Hi

They pick up whatever works to help you to unload.

And I cannot thank you enough for doing so!


I woke up today and sat on the back deck sneaking a forbidden cig (tisk tisk I know) while I drank my coffee, cold air blowing throw the rip in my pants, and making me cringe.
Standing to butt my bad habit, I saw a then shiny (melted frost) absolutely imperfectly perfect water washed and shaped rock sitting there in the dead grass.
I picked it up and inspected it and pondered how it got there. I had no clue. Silly thought, I was about to drop it again and realized in that instant I could not tell it from me with the raw wind on my hand. I had lost, for a moment, my arms and hands fingers and sense...the rock was as much me as I was it. The grass the bare tree limbs the cold wind the clouds blowing by making me dizzy as I stared off. I dawned on me for a second, I could not put it into words, but it dimmed my need find an answer. Shit who cares how it got here... amazing that its here in the grandest sense.

I was a bit shocked and looked up from it, here I sat on a rock, holding a rock wondering how it got here. I laughed out loud and put it back where it found me, and pulled the last drag and put the but in a the stinking tin.

This not knowing scared me for I felt I lost for a lifetime in that moment... it all fell away. I did not stop thinking I just let those thoughts be and realized that any answer I can come up with is just a me grabbing at something to ground this self.

Anywho, how big are the legs, big enough! Everything is in arms reach when I stop trying to get a handle on things. Not knowing was the very colour of that moment. I cannot wrap the right words around to convey it and its already long gone.

I do not have answers really for these questions.

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