BOOK OF EQUANIMITY- case 20

[Shujin]

I keep coming back to this thread. Thinking about the questions, thinking about my answers, thinking about what to write and eventually writing nothing because every time I try to answer them my words drive me so far away from what I am actually feeling. I think about the questions and let them go. For me the realization of the moment where my thought arises and the point where I let it go is precious...useful. The same goes for PPE 9 as to why I practice zen. Constantly changing and flowing non-answers. This is my answer right...now. gone!

Gassho,

Daido

Thanks for this response, Daido. I feel it encompasses the object of my clumsy post above.

[Rich]

Spontaneously, joyfully, playfully the flag is flying.
Who could hang a name on me.
Trust not knowing with your life.

[Memo]

Don't really know
says this scared rabitt
just trembling because of being slapped by these questions

[Daitetsu]

Don't really know
says this scared rabitt
just trembling because of being slapped by these questions

What do you have to lose?

Gassho,

Timo

[Heisoku]

Not knowing is living fully out of the expanse- space before thoughts arise, hishiryo, beyond thinking.
Where are you in this knowing?

There is so much space in each moment, around each thought. Where indeed are you in this spaciousness?....In 'not knowing'.

[Kaishin]

I find myself often trying to think my way into a state of Before Thinking. Pretty dumb. But it keeps happening. Even though it seems that zazen is the only real gateway.


Gassho, Kaishin / Matt

[Risho]

When you get up, what happens then?

Does not knowing has a colour or shape?
Does it speak?
How big are the legs?
How far its arms can reach out?
How to know not knowing?
How can it be known?
Where are you in this knowing?
Still there?

I don't know

[Myoku]

Thank you Taigu and everyone contributing (in this thread or just by following),

a couple of years ago when I engaged in several buddhist forums I though of a signature that goes "Not knowing. No opinion. Seeing what is.". While this is a bit stupid in some sense in contains something I still believe is pretty ... vital to practice, at least for me: Not knowing. I feel that Knowing often means having made my mind on what I cannot grasp, it often means an over-simplification of the wondrous. It often means I shut the door and not being open anymore. It more or less means anything but living practice (or practicing life). And no, I cannot tell you any answer
_()_
Myoku

[galen]

Spontaneously, joyfully, playfully the flag is flying.
Who could hang a name on me.
Trust not knowing with your life.

Nice. Thanks for this, it is Rich!


Gassho

[galen]

Until the recent past, I had faith in some sort of narrative for myself. I started somewhere, and was clearly going somewhere else. I couldn't always articulate the destination, but that didn't seem to diminish my belief.

After sitting for a short time, I am able to admit that I am less the mountain and more the weather around it. I don't know (in the most mundane way) where this leads, and I've mostly stopped wondering. Amidst all this uncertainty, there is this practice. For me, for now, that is enough.

Incidentally, I feel I'm missing something of the appreciators verse: "The matter of thirty years' pilgrimage -- a clear transgression against one's pair of eyebrows." Perhaps someone could explain.

Gassho,
Shujin

Shujin... in first reading your post here, it seemed very real, insightful and a somewhat courageous take on yourself, but then landing softly in 'for me, for now, that is enough' (how true!). Then your lower post seemed to call out yourself to this one being messy. You may not be as messy here as you might think.


Gassho

[AlanLa]

I find it curious that we are asked to not know, yet we rely on those that do know (not knowing), namely Jundo and Taigu, to help us in our not knowing. One thing I do know is that the more I pay attention to what I know up in my head the less my heart hears the cries of the world. It's knowing that seems to create separation, which means less intimacy.

Going back to Mt. Sumeru for a moment, I picture a Native American and a geologist on the same mountain. The Indian experiences the mountain as sacred ground while the geologist can tell you all about the make up of the mountain, how it came to be, etc. Both see the mountain clearly and deeply, yet each sees it through their own respective ego lens. Which of them is most intimate with the mountain? The non-knowing answer would seem to be the Indian, because of sacredness over knowledge, but I think the answer is none of the above. I think there is a place for both because there is plenty of room on Mt. Sumeru. But maybe there needs to be a third person in the story, some singular traveler that wanders onto the mountain and sees it as just that, lives on it and with it as just a home, a place of shelter and source of provision. Or maybe this wanderer sees the mountain not as a sacred or geologic or home object, but rather just as a part of himself.

I don't know.

[Heisoku]

Thanks Al that is a really wonderful image.

I don't know either.

[RichardH]

Please consider these questions:

When you get up, what happens then?

Does not knowing has a colour or shape?
Does it speak?
How big are the legs?
How far its arms can reach out?
How to know not knowing?
How can it be known?
Where are you in this knowing?
Still there?


Gassho in not knowing

Taigu

Thank you, Taigu.

[Shugen]

This is one of those "right on the tip of my tongue", "I had it and then lost it" maddeningly close, "I can almost touch it" feeling things.

For me, "don't know" can change to "don't care because it isn't important to ME" if I'm not careful.

Gassho


Shugen

[galen]

This is one of those "right on the tip of my tongue", "I had it and then lost it" maddeningly close, "I can almost touch it" feeling things.

For me, "don't know" can change to "don't care because it isn't important to ME" if I'm not careful.

Gassho


Shugen

Intriguing post, Shugen.

You seem to be all over It.

It may be that this feeling thing, right on the tip of your tongue, had it and lost it, is the voice of the intuition, that can't quite fight through the ego that we all have come accustom to being The voice. Could it be the 'don't know' (but is the Knowing), changing to the 'don't care' when the 'me takes over if I'm not careful' (giving in to the ego [me]), the same tip of the tongue situation of the ego once again winning or over powering the softer Knowing that can only be known by sitting with it? It might be you are so close, just a little more patience and 'a nudge of just letting go a little more', without clinging to this feeling that is so close it gets chased away, the Way? It does not seem to be something that can be thought of or figured but, sitting with feeling and letting the body do the rest.

You seemingly are right there, so close, not only is it on the tip, you can taste it. One blink of the eye, one breath, one heart beat away, but not away all the time or gone, but right here and now. You seem so close Shugen. You may even 'feel' some relief by sharing this here, something that could open to the profoundness of the real you.

Thanks for sharing this.


Gassho