Grass Hut - 1 - Things Change

[Ansan]

Hello again everyone, I would like to share something. Most people do not know this, but I have two extremely strong-willed boys. Years and years of parenting them has left me tired, sad, and often feeling very trapped and depressed. (my oldest is 9) Today, for example, we were going to go to a local park and spend the day hiking, but due to their behaviour we are not going and instead I am dishing out consequences. I'm sitting on my bed feeling sad, defeated, wondering why this has happened to me, why did I get these two kids that just push and test and try me so hard??

And I read the above posts and it's like a trickle of water in the dessert, or a small seedling popping out of the bare soil. It gives me peace, hope, to sit with my life and accept, instead of wishing it was something else. As Jundo would say, one eye on what is (accepting) and one eye on doing what I can do to make this situation better.

So thank you, all of you who have posted here.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

Joyo, you express your thoughts so beautifully, even with such despair. I have never parented but do sympathize on a very teeny-tiny scale. I do tutoring of second-graders with reading difficulties at a local school. Most of the children are energetic, quick to learn and open up easily. One child has problems that are not readily deciphered and she is very reticent and shy. And nearing failure. I was making headway in seeing a miniscule of improvement until I developed pneumonia and had to terminate my position (I have COPD and exposure to bacteria causes reoccurring infection). I am quite saddened that I cannot continue but I do get reports from my husband who continues tutoring. Children are...well...children but they too change. Apparently, you are a very conscientious and loving mother. And from what I gather from my observation of parents and their children, it is extraordinary, frustrating, rewarding, and life-altering. You are very definitely living in the present but perhaps a little sigh of relaxation and realization that because of your concern, acceptance and love, your situation will get better. It is part of your karma.

Gassho,
Ansan
SatToday

[Joyo]

Ansan, I am happy to hear that your husband is doing better, and that zen has brought such a peace to both of you. I hope your pneumonia gets better soon. I actually work as an EA (Educational assistant) so I had to laugh when I read about your job as I can so relate!!

And also, thank you everyone who responded to me here today. My husband had them busy all day swimming, playing outside etc. etc. and that seemed to help, for now anyways. lol!! I am in much better spirits today, as I had a wonderful chat with my best friend, who helped me see things more clearly.

This is definitely part of my practice, and like any parent can relate to.....parenting is not easy at all!!!

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Joyo]

-1- Yes

-2- Vowed to marriage with individual who admitted, previous to making vows, an inability to maintain in relationship, life nor death any interest outside herself. Ego thought, "Yummy, a new challenge." Fourteen years later I died: family gone,
businesses gone, doggone, home gone, sanity gone . . . BUT life is eternal. Life before, during, and after. Life as it is. No attachment and constant attachment. No thought WITH thought. Life as it is.


Gassho
Myosha sat today

That is some rough stuff to go through. I like what you said "No thought with thought. Life as it is." I commend you on being strong enough to endure all of that and go on.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[BrianW]

Hello all,

Oh my how I loved the Sandokai book club we did a few years back…. I would say the Sandokai is my top book on Buddhism! Anyway I was pleased to see us reading another of Shitou’s works.

1. I’m not sure if it is a yes or no. On the attachments were I am really attached I seem to slide back and forth…sometimes letting go, or holding softly, and then finding myself grasping on for dear life. I guess more practice is needed!

2. Much in my life would be easier if I could let go a bit. Between my childhood experiences and, what appears to me to be a genetic predisposition, I’m pretty wound up. Perhaps just letting those emotions and such just flow or watch with some detachment?

Time to sit and work/not work with this all a bit.

Gassho,
Jisen/BrianW

[Daiyo]

I feel sometimes that I am the only one dealing with this, to this extreme I mean because other people (in my real life) seem to be so happy parenting and just love it.

Trust me, you're not alone.
All kids are demanding and a challenge to our patience.
We have to learn to deal with them, deal with guilt, deal with comparison and the resulting anger.
It's hard.
Practice has helped me a lot but sometimes I still fail to stop anger or bad feelings on time.

Gassho,
Daiyo

#SatToday

[BrianW]

I thought this was of interest .... One CBS Mornings they had a segment on a sculptor who works with sticks. He is in fact, in some respects, making "grass huts." When asked about the impermanence of his work he said the following:

""There's a way that you look at this work and care about it and care for it knowing that it's not going to exist, " he said, 'cause you know what's gonna happen to sticks. I mean, you see a stick and you kind of know that it's like a leaf. It's gonna break down. Something's gonna happen. It's gonna blow away. But in a sense the most powerful part of it is that it's not lasting. And we all recognize that we have a limited lifespan ourselves."

"Does it pain you as an artist to see it deteriorate?" Werner asked.

He replied, "It doesn't currently, 'cause I'm working on a new piece, you know? So I'm already on to the next piece."
Link to the segment below:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/a-north-carolina-sculptor-branches-out/2/

Gassho,
Jisnen/BrianW

[Myosha]

Hello,

Thank you for the link.


Gassho
Myosha sat today

[Ansan]

I thought this was of interest .... One CBS Mornings they had a segment on a sculptor who works with sticks. He is in fact, in some respects, making "grass huts." When asked about the impermanence of his work he said the following:

""There's a way that you look at this work and care about it and care for it knowing that it's not going to exist, " he said, 'cause you know what's gonna happen to sticks. I mean, you see a stick and you kind of know that it's like a leaf. It's gonna break down. Something's gonna happen. It's gonna blow away. But in a sense the most powerful part of it is that it's not lasting. And we all recognize that we have a limited lifespan ourselves."

"Does it pain you as an artist to see it deteriorate?" Werner asked.

He replied, "It doesn't currently, 'cause I'm working on a new piece, you know? So I'm already on to the next piece."
Link to the segment below:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/a-north-carolina-sculptor-branches-out/2/

Gassho,
Jisnen/BrianW

Thank you, Jisnen!! Fascinating article but it might have been even more admirable if he attempted to live in that grass hut.

Gassho
Ansan

SatToday

[Stacy]

-1- Do you think it possible to keep and cherish something or someone (a person, a relationship, a thing such as a house), and work to maintain it and preserve it, and feel a bit sad if it is lost ... yet also be totally non-attached, able to roll with the changes and let it go, flowing with the impermanence? [Here's a hint: YES! Zen Practice let's that happen! ]

Yes, very much so.

-2- Give an example about a time you were not so "allowing and flowing" about a person, relationship or thing in your life, and became a prisoner of your attachment. How would the situation have been better or different [please imagine] if you had handled things like in Question 1 above?

In my hometown, I have started a CoderDojo, a group for teaching youth coding and about technology that is run by volunteers. The high school no longer offers the one coding class they had when I went there, and it really would've been disappointing for me to not have had that opportunity. After five meetings, happening once a month unofficially at the library, I have not yet really gathered any members--neither volunteers nor young learners.

I have a couple long-distance friends who support me how they can in their encouraging words and input, and I have managed to get my sister to tag along with me in putting fliers at the nearby college and university. It made me happy when she came to the last meeting and made some attempt to play with the tools I had available.

When I really think about it, I am very pleased at my efforts. I may not have something big, but I have been putting together learning materials and have learned so much in the process of doing so. I've gotten to play with so many neat things. I even managed to talk the high school into taking part in Code.org's Hour of Code this past December.

But I become disappointed when someone inquires about the group and I have to figure out how to explain that I do not have any who attend. I mean, I do my best to say it in a positive way, but it seems like I do not hear back from folks after my answer. I get down that I lack the networking and knowing of a lot of people, or even just having good friends nearby to lend a hand. Also, tackling learning materials (especially in areas no one else has seemed to) takes a good deal of effort. It makes me think about dropping the whole thing and making life easier without.

But I just gotta remember, and I usually end up doing so at some point, that I am doing the best that I can. I am making a difference. The difficulty in getting it going just goes to show how much this place needs it. The fact that I'm even trying to lead a group when I'd rather be behind the scenes is amazing, even as scary as that might seem. Go me! And if someone turns their nose at my efforts because they did not meet some standard they made up, then I can do without them. I already am. It's not like it could get any worse. It's only up from here.


Gassho,
Stacy

#SatToday

[Kyotai]

Best of luck with your efforts Stacy,

Sadly, I know nothing of coding Be well, you are. Doing great.

Gassho, Kyotai
Sat today

[Ed]

Thank you all for sharing these wonderful posts.
Non-attachment grows out of zazen: whether we know it or not we live in the ground of being BEFORE mind splits reality into this and that; but we also live, temporarily and quite quickly , in the split wolrd of samsaric retribution, of choices and consequences, and we grab, hold on to, identify with delusions.
Zazen makes us see this delusions and, with time and consistency, they become fantasies and so more manageable, they lose solidity, but always remain with us.
Our lives have no intrinsic value.
Our practice makes us see how valuable our lives are.

Gassho.

[Hotetsu]

1. I think it is possible, though difficult. To see everything as impermanent and interconnected can put things into perspective, but practicing it can be hard.

2. Living is a continual journey to realize the Dharma. Not just once, but many times, I have found myself attached to the very things I thought I was not. But I continue to sit zazen, and continue to realize life as it is.

Gassho,
Hotetsu

#SatToday

[Risho]

-1- Do you think it possible to keep and cherish something or someone (a person, a relationship, a thing such as a house), and work to maintain it and preserve it, and feel a bit sad if it is lost ... yet also be totally non-attached, able to roll with the changes and let it go, flowing with the impermanence? [Here's a hint: YES! Zen Practice let's that happen! ]

-2- Give an example about a time you were not so "allowing and flowing" about a person, relationship or thing in your life, and became a prisoner of your attachment. How would the situation have been better or different [please imagine] if you had handled things like in Question 1 above?

Catching up from a business trip; sorry for not responding sooner.

1. Absolutely!

2. Actually on this business trip. A new application was being unveiled. We'd seen previous incarnations, and it just didn't meet our requirements. We sort of held onto our impressions, but when we saw it this time, things had changed. It really did work out well. This goes for people and situations as well. The past is dead and can be helpful, but people always deserve a chance.

Gassho,

Risho
-sattoday

[Shoka]

Hi everyone,

As with most poetry it takes me a long time to come around to understanding the meaning and applying it. But I finally had this funny moment the other night that truly illuminated this chapter for me. I have a plot at a local community garden. During the winter I didn't work the garden much because I was busy with other things and not really sure what I was doing. But as spring is here, I'm back at the garden. The community garden is an interesting place, there are people from all walks of life who have plots there. It's often strange because I don't see a lot of my neighbors but I always admire their gardens.

The other night I was working the garden with my significant other (SO) and a neighbor I haven't meet before came over to say he had never seen us there before. And then went on to inform us that we needed to put a lock on our garden gate, because if there isn't a lock someone else would come in and treat it as their garden. I laughed and said, "it's ok, they can water and take what they need." My SO wasn't as amused and joked he would put up video cameras and barred wired if the simple fence wasn't enough for people to know it wasn't their plot. The conversation ended, and we both set to our tasks. As it typical he finished first, so he went off to look at other gardens, what people had planted, how things were growing, etc. Before long I heard him and the neighbor in another conversation, they were talking about watering. I joined them and we admired his garden with its sturdy fence and well made planting beds. It started getting dark so we said our goodbyes.

The next day I went to the garden again and saw the same neighbor working his garden. He came over to say hi, and asked if I needed the hose then insisted on getting it for me. We chatted for a minute then went about our work. My SO joined me, and again ended up in the neighbor's garden talking about what work he had done. We left that night with a squash plant and an offer of several more if we wanted them.

So the answer to the first question, yes it is possible. I cherish my garden, want all the plants to grow well and produce lots. But I know if a plant dies it's ok, if tomatoes are taken by squirrels it's ok. If someone comes in and takes veggies from my garden, well I hope they needed them and enjoy them. (While of course I'll still be upset).

The lesson the other night was exactly the answer to question 2. We could have taken our neighbor as being a pain and threatening to essentially steal our plot if we didn't protect it. But instead we took a moment, let go of that first impression and now have a friend in the garden.

And I have no doubt that during the heat of summer at some point I will show up at my garden terrified because I missed watering and convinced everything will be withered and dead, but instead I will find that someone came in and watered for me. Because they could, since I didn't have a pesky lock on the gate.

Gassho,

Shoka
sattoday

[Myosha]

Hello,

Thank you for the moment.

Please keep it up!



Gassho
Myosha sat today