Dear All Ango-ers and Jukai-ees,
Every year, folks become all enthused about Ango, making Vows to sit more, give up this or that, to start sewing their Rakusu, to give up beer or betting or bad words. It is a lot like the way folks dive into a diet or quitting smoking.
And every year, folks find themselves falling down a few days later: Maybe forgetting to sit, eating that chocolate cake or having a smoke, drinking a beer or saying a #%&"$ bad word.
Other folks put off starting that sewing, maybe for weeks and weeks!
Some folks come to me and, sadly, report that their own bad health, a family emergency or being incredibly busy at work is "interfering" and "preventing" their Ango participation.
What to do?
Well, assuming that the Precept you broke is not too bad, for example, robbing a bank, working as a hitman or doing major drug deals (in which case, well, please go turn yourself in to the police), please just bow to your little stumble, reflect on your being human, dust off, start again. No need to "re-start" the 90 days of Ango, or to quit Jukai preparations. Just keep going from there. Even after the big Jukai Ceremony in January, if you stumble, just do the same. No need to mail me back your Rakusu. Instead, please recite the Verse of Atonement ...
All harmful acts, words and thoughts, ever committed by me since of old,
On account of beginningless greed, anger and ignorance,
Born of my body, mouth and mind,
Now I atone for them all
On account of beginningless greed, anger and ignorance,
Born of my body, mouth and mind,
Now I atone for them all
... keep going from right there. Renew your Vow, put down the cigarettes and/or beer, promise not to eat more of the chocolate like you first committed, do sit the Zazen you said you would. Repeat as needed. Like the old joke, "Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it 1000 times!"
That is not, by the way, a "loophole" to let you keep doing bad: I am not saying that you can just curse or gamble all you want, say the "Verse of Atonement," and do it again the next day. Rather, you should be sincere in your renewed Vow and Commitment! Really try to do or not do what you said! Next time you crave the smoke or drink, want to spout %)#%$ or rob that bank ... DON'T DO THAT!
And if you have not started sewing that Rakusu! GET MOVING! As a fellow procrastinator, I can relate. It really will be a beautiful practice, you will discover, once you get into the swing. Remember, sewing is slow and steady, not rushed either! Do a little bit by bit, spread out in small steps and steadily over the coming three months.
Finally, to the folks who, sadly, believe that their own sudden bad health, trip to the emergency room, bout of deep depression, their loved one's struggles, their 80 hours in the office or the like "interfere" with Zazen, Ango and Jukai, are an "obstacle" or "distraction," YOU HAVE IT ALL BACKWARDS, FRIEND! The crisis, the troubles, struggles and sadness ARE your ANGO and JUKAI! Nothing takes you away from Ango or Jukai and, in fact, finding the stillness, silence and ethical behavior at the very heart of all that chaos and noise IS the greatest Ango task and Jukai lesson of all. They are Zazen applied in life! Simply put, there is a place in your heart of stillness, silence, acceptance, peace and flowing even amid all the terrible commotion, moaning, resistance, hopeless feelings, chaos and flowing tears.
I am sorry that you or your dear one is sick, or that some other challenge is present in your life ... and let us dedicate this Ango and Jukai season to your and their healing if sick ... but I am also telling you that it is a place of Liberation. Situations are situations, conditions are just conditions, sad times are just sad, hard times are called "life" ... but feeling it is "interference" or an "obstacle" is just your adding on to it. No need.
So, it is all Ango, all Jukai. You are ready, now keep steady .... Ready, Steady, ANGO!
Gassho, J
stlah
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