Insight Timer / Help With Metta Practice

[Seishin]

I've just recently discovered Insight Timer, after it had been mentioned in a few recent post and have just started using the basic timer for Shikantaza, having previously used the Zazen Meditation Timer app. Found the Treeleaf group and joined up but as yet I'm not eligible to post.

Having looked at the multitude of meditation guides available on IT, I thought I'd seek some guidance here and hope my question is not seen as sacrilege to our core practice.


As I ease myself into different ways of practice and having consider starting some Metta practice. My big problem is summoning loving kindness. Its just not something I can do at will. In fact its a rare occasion that I get such feelings, unless its a direct response to being with some one (my wife, family and some friends). I've always struggled with my emotions in so much as I'm what could be consider a cold person, always serious and never the life and soul of the party. "Not very demonstrative" as my wife often says! But given some circumstances, yes there's something there.

So this I struggle with ....

To begin, take a moment to quiet your mind, and focus your attention on recalling the experience and sensation of loving kindness. Try to summon such feelings within, and hold them throughout your sincere reciting of the following. Try smiling gently, and mean it. That simple step really does something to put us in the right frame of mind.

Just wondered if anyone has used some of the guided meditations on Insight Timer, especially those relation to loving kindness and if you think these would be a help ? I've bookmarked a few but thought it would be good to draw on others experience.

Guess at the end of the day, I've returned to Zen to become a calmer, more relaxed, less reactive and peaceful person who is happier with himself as he is and maybe this is one area that would help me feel more at one with myself - sorry but its kinda difficult express.

Anyway, any suggestions and guidance would be most appreciated.

[Zenmei]

It's okay not to feel loving kindness. Some of us have a harder time with that than others. Metta practice, like everything else we do here, is a practice. It takes work, and repeating it over and over again. If you're not used to the feeling, it's not just going to appear out of nowhere when you say the magic words. You have to keep at it, training the mind to be able to experience these new emotions. For a while you may barely mean those words you're saying at all. Keep doing it anyway. After a few months of doing it every day, you may find that those positive emotions are coming more easily.
This exact thing has been a major part of my practice, so I'm right there with you, man. It's not always easy for all of us to just summon up some loving-kindness. I was doing metta practice almost daily. Lately I've gotten away from it, and I've noticed how negative I've been. Related? I have no idea.
I got exposed to this stuff via a group called Refuge Recovery, a buddhist addiction recovery program. It has a therevadin flavor, and part of the program involves guided meditations. Metta and forgiveness practice have been hugely beneficial. I think they complement Zazen, especially when you actually have a real goal like "increasing my ability to care for others". It's a whole different thing from Zazen, but it can be a useful addition to sitting, like chanting or doing the hokey pokey.

Gassho, Dudley
#sat

[Mp]

I've just recently discovered Insight Timer, after it had been mentioned in a few recent post and have just started using the basic timer for Shikantaza, having previously used the Zazen Meditation Timer app. Found the Treeleaf group and joined up but as yet I'm not eligible to post.

Having looked at the multitude of meditation guides available on IT, I thought I'd seek some guidance here and hope my question is not seen as sacrilege to our core practice.


As I ease myself into different ways of practice and having consider starting some Metta practice. My big problem is summoning loving kindness. Its just not something I can do at will. In fact its a rare occasion that I get such feelings, unless its a direct response to being with some one (my wife, family and some friends). I've always struggled with my emotions in so much as I'm what could be consider a cold person, always serious and never the life and soul of the party. "Not very demonstrative" as my wife often says! But given some circumstances, yes there's something there.

So this I struggle with ....




Just wondered if anyone has used some of the guided meditations on Insight Timer, especially those relation to loving kindness and if you think these would be a help ? I've bookmarked a few but thought it would be good to draw on others experience.

Guess at the end of the day, I've returned to Zen to become a calmer, more relaxed, less reactive and peaceful person who is happier with himself as he is and maybe this is one area that would help me feel more at one with myself - sorry but its kinda difficult express.

Anyway, any suggestions and guidance would be most appreciated.

Hello Toby,

Actually loving kindness is always there we all have it in us, we just need to see it, to allow it to flow and grow naturally. There is no need to force anything, when loving kindness, compassion, empathy, etc is needed by someone or yourself, it will be there. These qualities are not just for us to think about, but more importantly for us to practice, to do!

Step by step up the mountain you will reach the summit ... it is not how fast you do it, but rather that you are doing it. Progress not perfection. =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Seishin]

Dudley / Shingen

Many thanks for your comments and guidance, I'll keep practicing as it is and what it will become or not become. I'll be adding the Meta Verse(s) to the subliminal recording I mentioned in another post, so that will help my memorizing the verse and "train" my subconscious. But I may also try one of those guided sessions with an open mind, to see if they could be of benefit. Of course that will be in addition to my normal practice.

[Mp]

Dudley / Shingen

Many thanks for your comments and guidance, I'll keep practicing as it is and what it will become or not become. I'll be adding the Meta Verse(s) to the subliminal recording I mentioned in another post, so that will help my memorizing the verse and "train" my subconscious. But I may also try one of those guided sessions with an open mind, to see if they could be of benefit. Of course that will be in addition to my normal practice.

Hey Toby,

I had a teacher one time that gave a little exercise on this topic. He said while we are out and about in our everyday lives try this while waiting in the line at the grocery store, or while sitting in traffic, or even waiting to have our teeth cleaned. He said, look at someone, anyone, and in your own mind and heart say, "I wish you peace, I wish you happiness". No one is hearing you say this as you are actively engaging in it within yourself. When you have moved on from that moment ask yourself, "How do I feel"? Did I feel silly, awkward, empowered, peaceful? Did I really mean what I just said?

Sometimes we cannot see our true qualities because of our ego getting in the way. When I first tried this little exercise many years ago it really helped me connect with myself and be present with how I was feeling ... was I really being genuine in my thoughts and actions. Jundo also talks about this "feeling", this "connection" when we chant the metta verse ... we try and do more then just say the words, we try and feel them in our hearts, within our bones. =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Seishin]

Shingen

That's a very interesting and I suspect powerful exercise, I'll certainly give this a try. Ironically, and I suspect this won't surprise you but when reading

"I wish you peace, I wish you happiness"

I actually felt some emotion stirring. Perhaps I'm not the reserved, stoical, stiff upper lip old Englishman I thought I was . Deep bows for sharing.

[Mp]

Ironically, and I suspect this won't surprise you but when reading I actually felt some emotion stirring. Perhaps I'm not the reserved, stoical, stiff upper lip old Englishman I thought I was . Deep bows for sharing.

Seems to me, under that gruff Englishman exterior you are just Buddha, your true nature ... that all along that compassion, empathy, and kindness has always been there ... seems it decided to poke out and say hello. Well done!

I will tell you an interesting story of when I was a wee lad growing up in Victoria, BC. On the Coast we had a mixtures of personality/social types ... we had hippies (we I was apart of), bikers, loggers, fishermen, and military mostly ... plus others in the middle of it all. So being a hippie we hung around more with the bikers for some odd reason. I would say I was about 10-12 years old when this began. I met a fellow who would scare the crap out of you if met in a dark alley way ... very strong, tattoos, and a intense stare. Over the years my family and I would go out to his place up island with some of his First Nations friends, big parties, carving of totem poles, dancing, music, etc ... you get the idea. But over those years I really become to like him, he was kind, caring, and generous. I remember him taking me for rides in his semi-truck up and down the island. Showing this, showing that, and teaching me all sorts of things along the way.

Over time I no longer saw him as at mean, tuff, tattooed biker, but as my friend, as one of the family. Yes he did some bad things, hurt people in ways that he shouldn't have. Knowing what I know now he didn't it out of fear, anger, and ignorance. But what really mattered the most was, when it came time to loving, caring, teaching, giving, and supporting he was always there. I never really had a father figure, so to have someone like this in my life, it meant the world to me. None of us are perfect ... and yet we are perfect just the way we are. We do our best each and every moment and to learn from those moments when we are perfectly imperfect. It doesn't matter what you look like, what kind of car you drive, how big your bank account is ... what matters is what is in your heart and how you express that to the world around you. =)

So, thank you Toby for asking this question ... it has allowed to remember those moments of the past and once again learn the valuable lessons taught by that kind, loving, generous, tuff, mean-looking biker! =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Seishin]

Shingen

I am glad I brought back those memories for you. Now if was around back then I would have told you, you had nothing to fear. I've been a biker for 40 odd years and although I've ridden on the right side of the law and knew many who didn't. I've experienced the bigotry and anti-bike feelings in the UK and outside of work was probably looked at as some kind of "outlaw" just because I rode a bike Your friend sounds like many of mine I have made over the years and lost through moving with work and retiring to France. As usual all of that bigotry was based on what folks saw and not what we actually are. Ignorance.

My wife said many years ago, if she was robbed and attacked and needed help and that there was a bunch of "normal" young lads (say 20s) and a gang of hairy, scary, rip the heads off of chicken bikers, she'd have no doubt where she would head for aid. Can't judge a book by its cover. Thanks for sharing, as it also reminded me of so many past friend and really good (and sometimes a bit wild) times.

[Mp]

Shingen

I am glad I brought back those memories for you. Now if was around back then I would have told you, you had nothing to fear. I've been a biker for 40 odd years and although I've ridden on the right side of the law and knew many who didn't. I've experienced the bigotry and anti-bike feelings in the UK and outside of work was probably looked at as some kind of "outlaw" just because I rode a bike Your friend sounds like many of mine I have made over the years and lost through moving with work and retiring to France. As usual all of that bigotry was based on what folks saw and not what we actually are. Ignorance.

My wife said many years ago, if she was robbed and attacked and needed help and that there was a bunch of "normal" young lads (say 20s) and a gang of hairy, scary, rip the heads off of chicken bikers, she'd have no doubt where she would head for aid. Can't judge a book by its cover. Thanks for sharing, as it also reminded me of so many past friend and really good (and sometimes a bit wild) times.

Lovely! even though we are worlds apart, we are interconnected in more ways then one! =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Seishin]

Lovely! even though we are worlds apart, we are interconnected in more ways then one! =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

Vraiment as they say in these parts.

[Seishin]

Lovely! even though we are worlds apart, we are interconnected in more ways then one! =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

Vraiment - as they say in these parts.

[Tairin]

Hi Toby

I read your OP and thought to myself "I could have written this". I struggle with summoning loving-kindness too. I think in my case it is some combination of ego and a fear of being vulnerable. It is certainly one character flaw I'd like to do without. As Dudley said I think part of it is continual practice. I'd like to add that part of overcoming this is having good role models. My wife is a fantastic role model. She often brings up opportunities for compassion and caring that I miss. The wonderful people here at Treeleaf also provide me with ample models of good behaviour. Hopefully with time I'll be better at this too and it becomes more naturally instinctive

Thank you for raising the topic

Gassho
Warren
Sat today

[Amelia]

Warren, you're right. Being compassionate does make us vulnerable, and takes practice. Gassho

Sat today

[Enjaku]

Hi Toby and Warren,

Interesting question - I also struggle with this at times.

In therapy, I often work with clients who have difficulty experiencing and expressing compassion or loving kindness (usually towards themselves). Often, they hold negative beliefs about these qualities, most commonly that this is "weak" or "fluffy", particularly when compared with their "tough" approach (usually self-criticism and criticism or rejection of others).

I encourage clients to see compassion as a quality of strength and courage. It contains both the willingness to face suffering directly and the intention to stay with it, not turn away. As Geika says, this makes us vulnerable. The paradox is that to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in this context is an act of strength.

It seems that people find it easier to experience compassion and loving kindness when they begin to view it as an act of strength and courage, as this provides a greater incentive to practice. As a result of gender normativity, this is particularly true of men, many of whom have been raised to view loving kindness / compassion as "feminine qaulities".

Sorry to go on... it's a topic I find very interesting

Gassho,
Alex
Sat

[Nindo]

There is a guided metta meditation on this site.
You may be able to find others by googling. I would go with a recognized dharma teacher of some tradition rather than an unknown source on Insight (just saying, actually I have not yet tried any guided meditations on insight).

Gassho
Nindo
s.t.