Rush into Chaos

[Koushu]

Over the past to weeks I have been put under a lot of strain. Last week my brother bought my parents house, where I currently reside. House rules changed and super cleaning arise. No problem except for the fact that I work full-time, study full-time and since the beginning of our Jukai and Ango I have taken up a study of the Heart Sutra, Dogen's Shobogenzo, extended my daily meditations by ten minutes and added a third meditation.

Then last week my work (drill) partner went on vacation so I spent my time at the yard cleaning up. Which was good except the last two days of the week I was partnered with another co-worker who for eight hours a day could not say one thing positive, get home and the family is in a continuous state of argument.

Through all of this I felt myself slipping, became depressed and even argued with my wife. Today it is cold, windy and snowing on the higher peaks. So taking my little book of the Hanya Shingyo, prayer beads, I gathered my things and set out in the cold and snow. Spending the morning just sitting I found my mind and heart still. "Nothing is permanent, everything must and will change." This I have known and understood since childhood but today it opened a small crack for me to see through.

Dogen Sensei touched on it in his Shobogenzo Volume 4, Shoji (Life and Death):

This life and death is just the sacred life of buddha. If we hate it and want to get rid of it, that is just wanting to lose the sacred life of buddha. If we stick in it, if we attach to life and death, this also is to lose the sacred life of buddha. We confine ourselves to the condition of buddha. When we are without dislike and without longing, then for the first time we enter the mind of buddha. But do not consider it with mind and do not say it with words! When we just let go of our body and our mind and throw them into the house of buddha, they are set into action from the side of buddha; then when we continue to obey this, without exerting any force and expending any mind, we get free from life and death and become buddha.

This has been hard for me. I am having to learn to unlearn what I have learned. Metaphorically to die without death. Through I have grown up with the practice all my life I have also become academic and analytical. Today's practice after so much stress and frustration and anger, depression and sadness allowed me even for only a moment to throw my body and mind into the house of buddha. A great relief and every emotion and feeling that had over come me has lessened, but nothing is permanent nor impermanent it just is.

Sorry for my rambling but I found something that touched a deeper experience in me that words can not explain. I thought I would share.

James (Yuuki)

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[Rich]

Thanks for sharing that.

SAT today

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[Jundo]

Hi James,

It sounds like you are living in a Japanese monastery, with its own tough work schedules, demands, lack of sleep, extra shifts and assignments, impossible bosses and frictions with fellow residents. If you think a Japanese monastery is a place where folks lounge about on Lotus Leaves talking about the meaning of life, you would be mistaken.

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?9535-Eiheiji-in-1985-featuring-Niwa&p=73291&viewfull=1#post73291

It is good to read the Heart Sutra and Master Dogen's affirmations of life on paper, and it helps clear the heart. But please also see that your house is the Heart Sutra, the busyness of school precisely the fullness of Emptiness, and your office or factory floor is the Eye of the True Dharma Shobogenzo. This is our Practice, and I know first hand that it is so hard sometimes. This is Life & Death of Shoji affirming life!

Gassho, J

SatToday

[Koushu]

Gassho Jundo.

I know it is good to have the home and work within the Heart Sutra, but is it not also true that before this can be achieved to a greater degree that one must be and exude the Heart Sutra? This as my simple being has come to understand is found through practice. Though at it can show at anytime spontaneously anywhere, it just is.

I use the Shobogenzo and Heart to show me that it is not just me who loses step in this practice of ours and it gives me courage to breathe and not give in to the thinking, "why does it matter?" To recenter myself.

Thank you again Jundo.
Gassho

To your comment about monasteries, I have had those experiences both when I was in my late teens at a Franciscan monastery and my late twenties at Koya-san. I found in most cases the strict regiment helps me continue and humbles me.

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[Jakuden]

Deep bows for your practice James. Thank you for sharing.
Gassho
Jakuden
SatToday


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[Mp]

Wow James ... that is a handful of life. Remember to stop, breathe, and repeat if needed. There is a time to work, but also a time to rest ... and of course, a middle way. =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Jundo]

Gassho Jundo.

I know it is good to have the home and work within the Heart Sutra, but is it not also true that before this can be achieved to a greater degree that one must be and exude the Heart Sutra? This as my simple being has come to understand is found through practice. Though at it can show at anytime spontaneously anywhere, it just is.

Yes, study the words a little, ponder the meaning a little, pierce the meaning in the heart-mind ... and live it all lots and lots right in the hustle and bustle and crazy of life. That is the best of all worlds.

Gassho, J

SatToday

[Joyo]

Thank you for sharing, James. A wonderful teaching and very helpful responses.

You are not alone in your struggles, this practice definitely cuts through to the heart of our homes and our life. I wish you all the best!!

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Kyonin]

Hi James,

I seems that is life being life. Please be aware of your language, which most of us can get caught up into. We call things "good" or "bad". We may resist and fight the "bad". We may cling to the "good" and what makes us feel good... but at the end of the day whether we like stuff or not, life will roll and continue forward because yes, it's dynamic and always changing.

I say this because I have found that the more labels I use, the more lost in them I get and I stop seeing things as they are.

Too much work, too much social pressure, too little time to do stuff... is just what we humans do to navigate the world. But if you remember other high stress situations in your life, stress always ends.

You'll get through this just fine. And we are here to help

Gassho,

Kyonin
#SatToday

[Kaishin]

Thank you for sharing, James. Exceedingly negative people (soul vampires) may be the most difficult challenge I've found in the workplace.

-satToday

[Shugen]

Rush into Chaos

This is from one of the Akosa Sutta:

(I have heard that on one occasion the Blessed One was staying near Rajagaha in the Bamboo Grove, the Squirrels’ Sanctuary. Then the brahman Akkosaka Bharadvaja heard that a brahman of the Bharadvaja clan had gone forth from the home life into homelessness in the presence of the Blessed One. Angered & displeased, he went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, insulted & cursed him with rude, harsh words.

When this was said, the Blessed One said to him: “What do you think, brahman: Do friends & colleagues, relatives & kinsmen come to you as guests?”

“Yes, Master Gotama, sometimes friends & colleagues, relatives & kinsmen come to me as guests.”

“And what do you think: Do you serve them with staple & non-staple foods & delicacies?”

“Yes, sometimes I serve them with staple & non-staple foods & delicacies.”

“And if they don’t accept them, to whom do those foods belong?”

“If they don’t accept them, Master Gotama, those foods are all mine.”

“In the same way, brahman, that with which you have insulted me, who is not insulting; that with which you have taunted me, who is not taunting; that with which you have berated me, who is not berating: that I don’t accept from you. It’s all yours, brahman. It’s all yours.

“Whoever returns insult to one who is insulting, returns taunts to one who is taunting, returns a berating to one who is berating, is said to be eating together, sharing company, with that person. But I am neither eating together nor sharing your company, brahman. It’s all yours. It’s all yours.”)

And here is a more familiar paraphrase:

(It is said that one day the Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake!”

The Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man, “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”)

Of course, often easier said than done [emoji846]

Gassho,

Shugen

Sattoday


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[Tai Shi]

I thought it was difficult--then I learned to just breath. I learned to breath and sit.

Tai Shi
std
Gassho. Much Meta.

[Joyo]

But please also see that your house is the Heart Sutra, the busyness of school precisely the fullness of Emptiness, and your office or factory floor is the Eye of the True Dharma Shobogenzo. This is our Practice, and I know first hand that it is so hard sometimes. This is Life & Death of Shoji affirming life!

Gassho, J

SatToday

Hello Jundo, could you please explain how our house is the Heart Sutra. Am I understanding correctly to say it would be by having one eye on acceptance and equanimity to what is (chaos, stress, conflict) and one eye on how to change it for the better? Or is there more to it than that?

Been hard for me sometimes too, especially lately.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Jundo]

Hello Jundo, could you please explain how our house is the Heart Sutra. Am I understanding correctly to say it would be by having one eye on acceptance and equanimity to what is (chaos, stress, conflict) and one eye on how to change it for the better? Or is there more to it than that?

Been hard for me sometimes too, especially lately.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

Hi Joyo,

Yes, having one eye of acceptance and equanimity, and one eye of working for change for the better, is very very important. This is our Way.

Yet, somewhere along the Way, we also realize the Wholeness that is Emptiness, which is the message of the Heart Sutra, the Completeness which embodies all the broken pieces of life. This is the Always At Home which is precisely our mortgaged house with the screaming kids, roof in need of repair and sink full of dishes.

This is perhaps the Third Eye which is Clarity.

It has been hard recently here too. I understand very well.

Gassho, J

SatToday

[Myosha]

Hello,

As it's realized, it changes.

Grin, and bear it.

Impermanence is never permanent.


Gassho
Myosha
sat today