Hello Sangha!
Longtime member, longer time lurker. I wanted to offer a stream of consciousness that started off as a question, but grew in to something a little weightier. In the last several weeks, I've been listening to Jundo's Dharma brother, Brad Warner, in audiobooks. The style of delivery in to little bite sized nuggets helped me to deepen my understanding of my practice, even though there's nothing to understand. I did that just because it's true, and I love our Zen doublespeak. One of the things that stood out was Zen and Buddhism being about action. Doing things simply because they need to be done, and they are right to do.
Case 1.
If you see a little old lady walking out of a grocery store, and she drops her bag, it is right to help her pick everything up. This is where things start to get a little jumbled for me from a Zen perspective, and I will admit right off that there is every probability I'm overthinking here.
In my head, the scenario plays out like this. I identify her as an enfeebled human being. When she drops her bag, the bells in my head that are rung are to assist an old woman who likely will have difficulty bending and picking things up. Once I've helped her, she shows me gratitude, and I feel good about myself. Reading this from a Zen perspective, it's not the truth of reality. Helping her for the sake of helping her, because there is no her, and no me, just a thing that needs to be done in this present moment seems to the fuel for what everyone else will see as compassion.
How then, does one manage a compassionate heart without succumbing to a sense of self satisfaction from the gratitude? I ask, because of Case 2.
Case 2.
If you see a car broken down by the side of the road, a pair of jumper cables dangling out from the hood, but the owner of the car in every way presents himself as a gang member, you might be inclined to keep driving out of a sense of self preservation. Culture and societal queues have taught you that such an appearance is accepted as worn by unsavory individuals.
In my head, the scenario plays out like this. A judgement is made about this person, instantly creating a bias that prevents you from stopping to do what needs to be done. In this case I've withheld compassion because of a series of things I'm telling myself that I have been taught. Reading this from a Zen perspective, it's not the truth of reality. There is no me, there is no him, and leaving that behind is leaving something undone that must be done.
How then, does one manage a compassionate heart without succumbing to sense of apprehension and judgement when the situation sets off bias?
In both of these scenarios, I have stumbling blocks. One one hand, it is nice to help an old woman. On the other, it is OK to be aware of your self preservation instinct. Sure, maybe the old woman does CrossFit and could bench press me, but I made the judgement of her years and assumed. Sure, maybe the man with the broken car is a poet laureate who works with inner city kids and has turned lives around. Or maybe they are both what I perceive them to be.
The root of my brain dump here is that in trying to be compassionate, I fill my head with noise. How can one learn to be compassionate for the sake of compassion without wrapping all this minutia around it? How does one discern between ill placed judgement, or wise judgement? How does one not feel good inside when doing good deeds? I feel like that one is important, because as an animal, we will tend to repeat things we find pleasurable. Feeling good for helping people will be very limiting if people doesn't equal all people, and even then, I feel like the idea is to get to the point where you don't feel good nor bad for being compassionate. You just do.
Speaking of which, I think I need to sit.
Longtime member, longer time lurker. I wanted to offer a stream of consciousness that started off as a question, but grew in to something a little weightier. In the last several weeks, I've been listening to Jundo's Dharma brother, Brad Warner, in audiobooks. The style of delivery in to little bite sized nuggets helped me to deepen my understanding of my practice, even though there's nothing to understand. I did that just because it's true, and I love our Zen doublespeak. One of the things that stood out was Zen and Buddhism being about action. Doing things simply because they need to be done, and they are right to do.
Case 1.
If you see a little old lady walking out of a grocery store, and she drops her bag, it is right to help her pick everything up. This is where things start to get a little jumbled for me from a Zen perspective, and I will admit right off that there is every probability I'm overthinking here.
In my head, the scenario plays out like this. I identify her as an enfeebled human being. When she drops her bag, the bells in my head that are rung are to assist an old woman who likely will have difficulty bending and picking things up. Once I've helped her, she shows me gratitude, and I feel good about myself. Reading this from a Zen perspective, it's not the truth of reality. Helping her for the sake of helping her, because there is no her, and no me, just a thing that needs to be done in this present moment seems to the fuel for what everyone else will see as compassion.
How then, does one manage a compassionate heart without succumbing to a sense of self satisfaction from the gratitude? I ask, because of Case 2.
Case 2.
If you see a car broken down by the side of the road, a pair of jumper cables dangling out from the hood, but the owner of the car in every way presents himself as a gang member, you might be inclined to keep driving out of a sense of self preservation. Culture and societal queues have taught you that such an appearance is accepted as worn by unsavory individuals.
In my head, the scenario plays out like this. A judgement is made about this person, instantly creating a bias that prevents you from stopping to do what needs to be done. In this case I've withheld compassion because of a series of things I'm telling myself that I have been taught. Reading this from a Zen perspective, it's not the truth of reality. There is no me, there is no him, and leaving that behind is leaving something undone that must be done.
How then, does one manage a compassionate heart without succumbing to sense of apprehension and judgement when the situation sets off bias?
In both of these scenarios, I have stumbling blocks. One one hand, it is nice to help an old woman. On the other, it is OK to be aware of your self preservation instinct. Sure, maybe the old woman does CrossFit and could bench press me, but I made the judgement of her years and assumed. Sure, maybe the man with the broken car is a poet laureate who works with inner city kids and has turned lives around. Or maybe they are both what I perceive them to be.
The root of my brain dump here is that in trying to be compassionate, I fill my head with noise. How can one learn to be compassionate for the sake of compassion without wrapping all this minutia around it? How does one discern between ill placed judgement, or wise judgement? How does one not feel good inside when doing good deeds? I feel like that one is important, because as an animal, we will tend to repeat things we find pleasurable. Feeling good for helping people will be very limiting if people doesn't equal all people, and even then, I feel like the idea is to get to the point where you don't feel good nor bad for being compassionate. You just do.
Speaking of which, I think I need to sit.
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