What I "got" from zazen

[Hoko]

I wanted to share an experience that happened to me today.

So I woke up before the alarm for some odd reason and had my coffee and went to the cushion to sit zazen.
Today it was a roller coaster ride with palpitating heart, swirling thoughts and an inexplicable sense of agitation.
No imperturbable samadhi for me this time.

I rode it out because as Jundo says "there is no bad zazen".
Sure it was a hot mess but at the same time it was OK.

I finished up after about 35 minutes, felt a little more "together" and went downstairs and checked my email.
The first thing I see is that I got a message regarding a business issue I've been dealing with for a long time.
Suddenly I start to freak out. What do I do? What is he asking for? How can I get him this information in time?
It's an over-reaction but at the same time I know it's an over-reaction and so I try to just keep an eye on it while I wait for it to pass.

I realize that I'm not panicky because of the email. I was panicky first, then I got the email.
I calmed myself down and made a phone call; settled the matter.
It turns out it wasn't a big deal and nothing substantial had changed about the situation.
Did I lose my cool? Sure; a little. But I watched it happen and recovered fairly quickly.

It's my observation that how we feel from moment to moment is not entirely logical.
Body posture, physical discomfort, a poor night's sleep, etc. can greatly influence mood.
So mind and body are not separate, not the same.
It also seems like when we're not feeling so hot we subconsciously search for reasons for why we may be uncomfortable and latch on to what seems to be a reasonable explanation.
"She was rude", "I didn't succeed", "I'm not worthy" or whatever.
Then we retroactively re-write history in our minds to justify our feelings.

But zazen seems to let you see your thoughts for what they are AS THEY ARE.
Just thoughts.
And the palpitating heart? The shaky, panicky thing? It could be anything.
(I'm on blood pressure medication so I get light headed from time to time.)
Ultimately it doesn't need me to "explain it".

So in essence zazen gives me NOTHING but it also gives me EVERYTHING.
Contradiction? Sure. Life is full of them. Problem? No problem! Yes and no! WU and MU! Woof.

Thanks for listening.
Thank you for your practice.
May you spot those spot those negative states and uproot them and replace them with nurturing seeds.
Metta to all.

Gassho,
-K2
#SatToday

[Jakuden]

There ya go! So simple in many ways, yet far from "easy."
The mind does so many random things, and the body follows. Or sometimes vice versa. Taking Zazen off the cushion means being aware of this, but not allowing your mind to add anything else to it. Then you can address the communication, work, or whatever it is you need to be doing without clouding it up with made-up stuff. That's the idea, anyway, but practice never ends.

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday

[Meian]

Zazen is likewise healing for me as well, similar ways.
Thus why I sat twice (consecutively) after my final exam today. And before work, after and ........

Usually short periods, but more zazen.

Thank you for sharing your experience and your insights - most helpful.

Gassho
Kim
Sat today

[Jundo]

Lovely. Seeing through the passing scenes of the "mind theatre" and not being so apt to get sucked into its games is a vital aspect of Zen and all Buddhism. For those who do not know what you mean, I have posted the following many times ...

================================

When sitting Zazen, we "just sit" ... we let thoughts go without analysis during Zazen. There is nothing to do or attain in the sitting, nothing to examine or focus upon ... and that non-doing and non-examining is VITAL and SACRED. Even during our busy day, when annoyances or resistance, anger or upset come into mind, we can turn to a bit of "standing Shikantaza" ... just release them, let them go, do not become trapped.

However, "vipassana" (in the meaning of insight into the human mind theatre) is also vital in about every corner of Buddhism, Zen included. Pretty much all schools of Buddhism instruct us to become aware of the games the mind plays, the "monkeymind", or "mind theatre" as I sometimes call it. For example, "thought awareness" as thoughts and emotions arise during our busy day ... when tired, hot, a little angry, happy, etc. ... is a wonderful practice. I might not go so far as to encourage a practice of detailed labeling morning until night, but I also advocate a practice of being aware of the different thoughts that come into mind (just not --during-- Zazen itself, when we are not to be adding anything). This awareness is, however, a very important part of learning to observe our mind's workings and tricks. So, for example, instead of just feeling angry, greedy or tired, and instead of just saying to ourselves merely "I am feeling angry/greedy/tired now", we should learn to say to ourselves such things as "this is my mind now temporarily feeling angry/greedy/tired during present conditions ... I can feel it arising, I can feel it developing, I can feel it passing away, I can let it go". When we learn to do that, experiencing the emotions of the mind becomes just watching a bit of theatre.

All that is good, just not a practice for "during" Zazen, when we observe everything and nothing in particular.

Here is more that I wrote on the topic ...

Buddhist Practice is usually described as flying upon the twin wings of Samatha (calming thoughts and emotions, illuminating and dropping body-mind) and awareness and understanding of vipassana (insight and awareness primarily into the nature and workings of 'self' and mental functions). That is true in Zen practice no less than most other forms of Buddhist practice.

In a nutshell, Vipassana might be described as insights and awareness, based on Buddhist psychology, as to how the mind works and plays it games. It is an understanding of the Skandhas (form, sensation, perception, mental formation, consciousness ... those words always sung in the Heart Sutra), how our thoughts and emotional reactions arise, how we label and divide the world. We should also understand the Buddha's ideas about how suffering arises within us, which is intimately tied to all that.

However, unlike some schools of Buddhism, in Shikantaza we do not pursue any particular practices --during-- Zazen itself in order to cultivate such vipassana insight ... and much insight naturally arises from Zazen as "Zazen does its thing". Perhaps we might say that, just in "just sitting" Shikantaza ... dropping thoughts of this and that, thus quieting the mind's "mind games" ... we develop a natural sensitivity and understanding of the mind's "mind games" (much like one first comes to really appreciate what "urban noise" is when one first drives out of the city to the middle of the desert or some other truly quiet place).

Off the cushion too, we can learn to bring Shikantaza out into the world, learning to release thoughts and emotions which arise without being trapped by them.

And, apart from "on the Zafu" sitting times, it is also good to develop some insight and insight into the "mind's games", and come to identify the workings of the Skandhas and such within us day to day.

For example, if you feel an angry or jealous thought arising within you during your day, it is very helpful to identify that as a "bit of temporary mind theatre" and "just the self judging and conflicting with another perceived self". That gives us some distance from the passing emotion, and we no longer see the emotion as quite as inevitable and "true" as we might have before.

For example, in the case of anger ... We need to develop a sensitivity to how anger arises within us, the triggers which tend to set it off, the first feeling of it starting to arise and the cycle it follows until vanishing. We need to catch ourself more and develop the ability to say, "I am feeling the emotion of anger now, but it is only the mind created theater which is present in this moment ... it need not be so." We need to see it as a story the self writes for itself, "catch it" and thus not be "sucked in" and fooled as much. (Most people who feel anger do not realize it is just a mind created bit of theater which can be replaced by something else ... it is not the way things "have to be". E.g., most people think, when they become upset, that they have "reason to be upset, and it is true and justified", not an optional response to the circumstances). That realization and understanding of how our inner theater works is a step to developing the ability to "rewrite and change the story" at will.

So, yes, "samatha/vipassana" are both important.

Again, here is a practice called Nurturing Seeds, related to all this and inspired by some of the writings of Thich Nhat Hahn, which we encourage around here.

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?6540-RECOMMENDED-DAILY-Nurturing-Seeds-PRACTICE

Gassho, J

Sat Today!

[Mp]

Lovely expression Kliff, thank you for sharing and exploring. =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Kyotai]

Thanks Kliff. I had a similar day today while dealing with a difficult person, did not catch the thought so quick, but your experience resonates.

Gassho, Kyotai
ST

[Aeriqual]

All too relatable, I think. Thank you for sharing!

Gassho,
Eric

#sattoday


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Taiyo]

Very relatable indeed. Thank you for your practice and for sharing this.

Gassho,
Andoitz

SatToday

[Eishuu]

Thank you Kliff and Jundo for expressing that aspect of practise so well. Something similar happened yesterday when I was sitting Zazen after getting really angry about a botched parcel delivery...I noticed I was creating a whole narrative that I actually didn't know was true and there were lots of other physical reasons for me feeling angry..I noticed how it felt in my stomach and the thoughts around it and let it go a little. Later in the day I sat again this time feeling joy...then I noticed it was because dinner cooking smelt good. Some of the mind/emotion reactions seem so simple and animal.

I haven't been doing the nurturing seeds practise but this thread has inspired me to start.

Gassho
Lucy
sat today

[Tairin]

This discussion nicely expresses what I've been observing recently in my own personal practice.

Thank you for sharing

Gassho
Warren
Sat today

[Judith del Carmen]

Thank You gassho. Sat today

[Kyonin]

Hi Kliff,

Yes, most of the time life seems daunting and we create a suffering relationship to stuff. Being aware of this allows us to let go and move slowly one step at a time.

Thank you for sharing.

Gassho,

Kyonin
#SatToday

[Myosha]

Hello,

Never got nothing (yeah, i know) from zazen.

If it helps one being, in.

If it helps "no one",in.

Worthless? In.

Explain what's wrong. In.

Pleasantries aside.


Gassho
Myosha
sat today

[Cyd]

Thank You Kliff for sharing this
I can so Relate in all kinds of ways
another example since i been practicing Regularly
i find that Bumper to bumper stop and go traffic
is kinda like Kinhin.


Gassho
Cyd
Sat2day

[22chill]

Bumper to bumper stop and go traffic
is kinda like Kinhin.

Wonderful!

Sat today