Sat Today - Experience

[Muirghein]

I sat today. I think it was the first time that I truly just sat. No attachment to any thoughts, I just sat, just to sit and 'be'. Thoughts arouse, I watched them fall. Complex thoughts. Simple thoughts. Just thoughts. Then everything that was cloudy just kind of clicked. There was nothing to say. I didn't know what to say anymore. I was just there. Now even after sitting today I am at a struggle to find words that were once so easy to find. Now...it feels like... Before I felt like I was always wandering. Now I am just wandering with no goal or direction. I'm just doing things. I am just being with people. Even in a short 24 hours my interactions and their interactions with me have changed. My friend contacted me. No judgment no analysis, I just sat with her and listened to her immediate surroundings, no goals, just sitting with another soul. I felt connected even if it were not the same for them.

Somehow I used to feel connected to people in isolation when I was not with them; but disconnected in their presence. Me against the world and it's suffering, rather than me 'with' the world in solidarity. But yesterday and today after just sitting, being with people as they are now. No visions of tomorrow or yesterday. Just now. I feel empty and not in a bad way. Need to learn to be with that feeling, to not try to fill it with something. I also noticed that one of the delusions I have held regarding myself that I share with no one outside 1 or 2 people fell away. I just feel...here, I guess if that's a word. Directionless. Doing just to do, being just to be...

Is this a normal part of Zazen?

[Jishin]

Congratulations!

Now do it again. [emoji3]

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

[Zenmei]

Sat Today - Experience

Directionless. Doing just to do, being just to be...

Is this a normal part of Zazen?

The directionless direction is the way to get there. There is no-where to get.
Sounds like you're overthinking it. No need to divide normal / not normal. It's all normal. It's all weird. Embrace it and let it go.
I see a lot of myself in you (that's not an insult) and what I would say to myself is don't make it hard. Just sit, and let it go.

Gassho,
Dudley
(sat today)

[Mp]

Sat Today - Experience

Hello Muirghein,

Try not to over think it, just sit. Just sitting is not searching for something or for something to compare too ... each moment is unique, so too is zazen.

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Jundo]

Rome was not built ... or unbuilt ... or non-built ... in a day. Don't overthink and analyze thinking-non-thinking.

A bit like coming to conclusions about the whole mountain and mountaineering while still at the basecamp. In this case, a non-hike hike, step by step forward in which each step is total arrival and the whole mountain is the destination, yet the scenery ever changes and we press on. Although there is "no where to get" ... yet onward and upwards!

Don't overfill and overdescribe "emptying one's cup".

Gassho, J

SatToday

[Ishin]

Don't overfill and overdescribe "emptying one's cup".

Gassho, J

SatToday

[Joyo]

Is it normal, maybe. I'm not a teacher, but I've been sitting regularly for sometime now. From my own experience, I've found everything happens during zazen, just let it come and let it go. And be patient with yourself, and self-disciplined enough to sit every day----for many years.

Don't overanalyze zazen or life.

I have this quote in my kitchen--

"Be as simple as you can be, you will be astonished to see how uncomplicated and happy your life can become" --Paramahamsa Yogananda

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Muirghein]

I'm trying to train my brain to drop the analysis. I notice. I sit quietly; pop up, and as soon as I do I start searching for words to describe it. As someone said Rome wasn't built in a day, this is a process...Zazen is a new experience.

I have a question about 'Zazen'.
I've been doing daily meditations for a while now that have always had a purpose or goal: body-scans, metta, tai chi, shaolin, mindfulness, vipassana, guided-imagery, binuaral beats. For me the purpose of what I used those for* was to be grounded with myself, to make sense of the noise in my head, to add more 'clearer' noise in it's place, and to translate the 'torment' that results in a sort of loop. So I often receive people who say I am extremely self-aware, very intellectual, always full of thoughts and questions and musings about the world, and pained. If I look through my meditation journals I am constantly translating the experience into 'life'. Zazen is a new experience, but I am finding it to be different from what I am used to, but something that I need now.

Not analyzing. Simple words. As you can see this is hard for me. My understanding with Zazen is that there is no goal, you just sit. Do I need to be following my breathing or just aware that it's happening, watching the thoughts go and come without attaching, or letting them go and just 'there'. Or do I just get into the right position, and just sit, what happens in my head and around me and just happens and watch?

I imagine this is all written somewhere, I may have read it before but I was in a different place when I initially read it, and maybe resistant at the time too. I had 'my' way of doing something for the particular place and time for me. Was intellectually open to Zazen, but only now am I 'open' to it from a heart perspective. Just thoughts passing in my head right now.

Question #2: Help
Now I feel at a loss, not in a bad way. But in that my life has always had direction, purpose, my work. Until recently you wouldn't see me doing anything that wasn't purpose-driven...I have this project, my book and game publishing company which takes the concept we see across games in which you be your own hero, saving the world, etc., it was once dubbed "The Compassion Project" but was renamed. It's been my life's work and purpose. Programming these games with a purpose, trading stocks with a purpose, Writing with a purpose, parenting...with a purpose. Now...I feel kind of aimless, I really don't have anymore questions about the universe I just am trying to learn to just be, and...this is a new feeling. And I'm almost, worried. Like, I feel as though the more I feel aimless, the more thoughts slip away, the more scared I get, the tighter I want to grasp to keep from my work dissolving. What if I never complete the work I started to feed my family because I have become aimless; what if I become silent and have nothing to say! My life's work is about using my particular skills to help people and animals...but...How can I help people without focus?

Gassho,
Morgan
Sat Today

[Jundo]

Hi Morgan,

Seems like you might benefit greatly from Shikantaza ... a meditation with nothing to analyze, no goal, nothing to attain and thus no benefit at all. You analyze "not analyzing" too much!

Seeking benefits is sometimes no benefit, and shooting for a goal misses what is in hand. Seeking direction means that one heads the wrong way. It is not being "aimless" in the least, but rather is about "hitting the mark" (the meaning of "Shikan") right here and always being on course. One might say that this is diligent, sincere effort-non-effort (Wei-Wu-Wei) to be here just here as one ever moves forward. Thus, Shikantaza hits the goal and attains the greatest benefit!

Wei-Wu-Wei

http://ccbs.ntu.edu.tw/FULLTEXT/JR-PHIL/loy3.htm

Stop thinking so much about sitting and being ... just sit, and be beyond even thinking about "being" or "nonbeing"! Then, rising up from the sitting cushion, just sit even in motion, move while sitting. Complete all your projects (that "Compassion Project" and game programming sounds neat and will fill a real need and lack in this world! ) but just know that, even as you attain, there is not a thing in need of attaining for never lacking!

Gassho, J

SatToday

[Jishin]

Hi Morgan,

Lots of I-me-my above. Drop these and answers will come.

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

[Jakuden]

The mind is like a hamster running on a wheel in our heads, never stopping... The what-ifs, the I-wants and I-wishes, the storytelling... When we start to become aware of this delusion the small self has a tantrum and clings on desperately, fearing nonexistence. Give your small self Metta, a pat on the head and let go. It is not easy and requires a lifetime of practice. You can put your trust completely in this moment, because this moment holds everything, including the past and the future.
Gassho
Jakuden
SatToday


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[Jishin]

Bring me your mind and I will put it to rest.

Chill my man.

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

[Kyonin]

Hi Morgan,

When sitting shikantaza, just sit and don't focus in anything. Rather, just be aware that you are thinking. When you catch up yourself thinking in work or food or games or whatever, just acknowledge you are engaged in a thought process.

As for feeling aimless... just go about a moment at a time. Work in whatever you need to work. Whatever you do, when ethical, it serves countless of living beings. If you develop a game, think on how much it would help others to have fun and relax. If you write a poem, thing of how much beauty is needed now a days.

And then drop it all and go about your life.

Gassho,

Kyonin
#SatToday

[Eishuu]

Sounds like your mind is throwing up a lot of fear because you are in unfamiliar territory. As someone who has always been very purpose driven too, I can relate. All the what ifs are just thoughts. Letting go is scary sometimes. When I started someone told me to just relax (I think it was Rich), and I found it helpful. Sounds like you might be feeling a bit disorientated. Maybe take it gently and give yourself time to adjust?

Gassho
Lucy
Sat today

[Muirghein]

This past few days have been present. In a new chapter: just being. The work I create is flowing, just without all the force I normally put into it. It's different, but productive.

Gassho,
Morgan
Sat Today