Practicing Zen when also a busy parent

[Rich]

When I commuted over an hour each way I practiced just driving zazen.

Sat today

[Kaishin]

Jundo, great to hear that you'll be "revisioning" the beginner vids! I very much look forward to them.

-satToday & always beginning again

[Joyo]

Good morning, everyone. I am very glad I took the leap and posted this topic here. Thank you all for posting and helping.

I was speaking with my dear friend and our sangha member awhile ago, Shingen, about zazen. He brought up this "sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself." Even though he wasn't directly speaking about parenting, we do know that "all of life is zazen" so it does apply to this topic. As parents, we have to have a certain amount of control, or let's face it, all hell breaks loose. Kids get hungry, we need to always make sure there is food in the house, kids need clean clothes, and help with schoolwork, and the list, as we all know, goes on and on. These things don't get accomplished by sitting and thinking the grass is going to grow all by itself. And, yet, after reading the comments here, and thinking about the quote Shingen brought up, there can be a certain level of stillness, of letting go and just embracing life as it is, even among the endless parenting tasks.

Kelly, you brought up wanting to have a clean sparkly house. I've strived for that for years. I grew up on a huge farm where the yard, house and barn were perfectly immaculate. I'm learning to let this perfectionism go. I will never live in a dirty, unorganized house, but there are dust bunnies in my house right now; the place is far from perfection and I don't like it, but it's part of my daily practice. I remind myself that this is my "grass hut, where there is nothing of value" =)

I will just end this with a lesson from Dogen, one that hits close to my heart today as I found out a (very old) lady that I knew passed away yesterday.....

Let me respectfully remind you,
Life and death are of supreme importance
Time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost.
Each of us should strive to awaken...awaken, take heed.
This night your days are diminished by one.
Do not squander your life. --Dogen

Thank you, Dogen, and everyone, for your compassion and wisdom.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat yesterday and will sit again today

[Dainin]

Don't ever ever ever ever ever EVER EVER EVER .... think that "family work and life" takes you away from Zazen. All is Zazen!

Gassho,
Dainin

SatToday

[Seido]

Great advice and good words from all. As a new parent of a mere 2 moths and change, I've found new changeless and new rewards. Thanks for all of your experienced advice, it helps me to feel more at ease.

If I may quote Jundo when I told him of my baby's due date:
"Parenthood is wonderful. You real Practice begins now."

Gassho,
Seidō
SatToday

[Jakuden]

You real Practice begins now."

Ah yes that is such truth!! Congratulations and hoping you are all doing well!

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday

[Rich]

Good morning, everyone. I am very glad I took the leap and posted this topic here. Thank you all for posting and helping.

I was speaking with my dear friend and our sangha member awhile ago, Shingen, about zazen. He brought up this "sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself." Even though he wasn't directly speaking about parenting, we do know that "all of life is zazen" so it does apply to this topic. As parents, we have to have a certain amount of control, or let's face it, all hell breaks loose. Kids get hungry, we need to always make sure there is food in the house, kids need clean clothes, and help with schoolwork, and the list, as we all know, goes on and on. These things don't get accomplished by sitting and thinking the grass is going to grow all by itself. And, yet, after reading the comments here, and thinking about the quote Shingen brought up, there can be a certain level of stillness, of letting go and just embracing life as it is, even among the endless parenting tasks.

Kelly, you brought up wanting to have a clean sparkly house. I've strived for that for years. I grew up on a huge farm where the yard, house and barn were perfectly immaculate. I'm learning to let this perfectionism go. I will never live in a dirty, unorganized house, but there are dust bunnies in my house right now; the place is far from perfection and I don't like it, but it's part of my daily practice. I remind myself that this is my "grass hut, where there is nothing of value" =)

I will just end this with a lesson from Dogen, one that hits close to my heart today as I found out a (very old) lady that I knew passed away yesterday.....

Let me respectfully remind you,
Life and death are of supreme importance
Time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost.
Each of us should strive to awaken...awaken, take heed.
This night your days are diminished by one.
Do not squander your life. --Dogen

Thank you, Dogen, and everyone, for your compassion and wisdom.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat yesterday and will sit again today

Thanks Joyo. Great attitude and teaching.

SAT today

[Kaishin]

The house is a mess, and all is well.

[Joyo]

The house is a mess, and all is well.

I just got home from work. Yes, my house is a mess and it annoyed me. Thank you for the reminder that all is well.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Rick]

Great thread. Very, very interesting responses.

Gassho,
Rick
sat today

[Ongen]

I just thought to highlight this bit again a few days after Byokan posted it
Joyo, here's another parent dealing with the same stuff as every parent! Be sure to double check Byokans post here. I did, for sure

Gassho
Ongen
Sat Today

Hi All,

A very deep bow to you parents, I don’t know how you do it! I don’t have kids. So my two cents is only worth maybe 1/100th of a cent here. I just want to say, hey, give yourself a break, Moms and Dads, you're awesome...

Sincerity of practice is what counts, isn’t it? Not the hours on the cushion or the number of pages read. When the time is right for more sitting you will know, and when the conditions are right for more in-depth reading and study you will do that. But more is not necessarily better, or always appropriate, and I think quality is more important than quantity. So, if all you have time for today is 5 minutes to sit or to read, do that 5 minutes with all your heart and mind and presence. Don’t waste your 5 minutes on guilt and perfectionism and craving for more; give those 5 minutes to your practice completely and joyously. Be sincere, be as consistent as you can... and for gosh sake, be kind to yourself. Moderation, consistency, and self-compassion is not only good for your own practice and sanity, but sets a great example for the kidz as well.

Gassho
Byōkan
sat today

[Meian]

Oh ..... my house is usually varying degrees of messy - any attempts to tame it are undone within an hour.

Odd thing ...... my husband and teenage daughter went out to get shoes tonight. After they left, my calendar alerted me to a zazen session at 8:30pm. I thought, perfect timing! So I sat for 15 minutes, but could not respond "sat one way" because there was no listing? I seem to have received a non existent calendar notice. But, I sat anyway - which means i sat twice today for roughly 23 minutes! ! Possibly a record for me

Gassho,
Kim
Sat today

Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk

[6yx]

I've got a full-time job and full-time family where I'm primary care-giver and house keeper, as my wife is a business owner and part-time teacher.

I'm so glad you posted this, because I'm super-terrible at being here, which recently my brain made pretty clear to me "practice zazen, and visit that online place we forgot what it's called. You need a little sanity."

When I have time to myself...like now-ish...I usually play a video game while riding a stationary bike, and then maybe 20 breaths. Which is better than nothing-ish.

It's come down to finding ways of pushing myself to find better ways to practice, and to be around.

Again, thanks for this post.

Chris

[Tb]

I've got a full-time job and full-time family where I'm primary care-giver and house keeper, as my wife is a business owner and part-time teacher.

I'm so glad you posted this, because I'm super-terrible at being here, which recently my brain made pretty clear to me "practice zazen, and visit that online place we forgot what it's called. You need a little sanity."

When I have time to myself...like now-ish...I usually play a video game while riding a stationary bike, and then maybe 20 breaths. Which is better than nothing-ish.

It's come down to finding ways of pushing myself to find better ways to practice, and to be around.

Again, thanks for this post.

Chris

Hi.

I can see where you're coming from as i myself currently work three jobs and got a new baby on board.

Now, pushing can be good, but be careful to do no more than life permits, and practice BEING AROUND as its all good practice and life is our temple.

Mtfbwy
Fugen

#Sat2day

[John Mac]

Really good post. Spot on for me, having two children and being self employed, I have experienced the same angst. Personally, I try to take the whole of my life as practice and when I can get away to sit or read some dharma, that's a time I really enjoy. I think we all suffer from this idea that we aren't doing enough and so we measure ourselves and set ourselves up to fail because we think we're somehow being slack or idle. The thing is, I think, is just to be authentically present and sane in our household activities without adding the stress of expectation.