Overcoming Paralysis - How to make the leap between simple awareness to right action?

[jacaranda tree]

Through zazen, some less than stellar qualities have become glaringly apparent to me. Particularly as pertains to my ongoing issues with pathological introvertedness/shyness and general anxiety. I have done a lot of personal work around these issues, but clearly, I am not finished.

I am perfectly willing to sit in awareness of my delusions and to face myself nakedly so to speak; but these issues have really prevented me from fully engaging with life. I'm not actually sure where my introvertedness ends and my pathological avoidance of people begins.

My practice is my first priority. So I cannot have a spiritual practice built on a house of sand. I want a real foundation. So how do I make a leap from realization of [something; any issue applies, really] that is simply a misguided hindrance to right action? There is a brick wall there in that gap between awareness and action. (I think that wall's name is capital F Fear).

I'd honestly be very happy to be a recluse if it wasn't preventing me from fully engaging in life - particularly within my own sangha - because it hurts. And I don't think it's really healthy.

I also wonder if this is an appropriate topic for me to bring to Dokusan with my teacher. I sometimes avoid it because I feel like it might be inappropriate in that setting.

Thank you in advance for any input. And no need to be gentle - I can take it!

[Jundo]

Hi Jacaranda (would you mind to sign a human name to your posts, as it is one way we bring a little human warmth around here),

I have dealt with shyness my whole life, although not to the point of anxiety.

First, please do continue with any psychological professional therapy you are receiving for this, and follow the doctor's guidance. Nothing I tell you should conflict with that I believe, but listen to the experts.

In Shikantaza, we sit observing our emotions, thoughts, fears and the like without grabbing on. We face them with equanimity. We learn in doing so that there is a vast difference between feeling the emotion and wallowing in it, stirring it up, repeating negative thoughts like a mantra, judging ourselves for having it, forming long stories in our head based on the emotion, etc. Everything concerning our reaction to the raw emotion is extra to the emotion itself, like pouring gasoline on the fire. By doing so, we learn that there is a wide difference between feeling human emotions and becoming their prisoner.

Then, allowing our negative thoughts and emotions to just be, you might begin practice in getting up from the cushion and testing yourself a little each day ... in very small bites, small steps out of your comfort zone. If you have trouble speaking to strangers, maybe today you can try to just smile at the clerk in a store commenting on the weather. Small small steps. Next week, you might try to say two sentences to a clerk in a store ... etc. etc. All the time, just observe your fears without diving in. If it helps, just focus on the breath instead of focusing on the emotions, and just breathe right through the emotions ... as if breathing equanimity right into all of it.

A funny thing, I know a couple of professional actors and a politician who suffer from stage and anxiety disorders. They learned to place the anxiety aside, not wallow in it, and just get on with the show. It is very similar to what I am describing. They actually all developed (know how to "self talk themself into" is a good way to describe it) a confidence and sociability to compensate for their anxiety in front of people ... one might say they know how to "psyche" themself into the confidence to get up in front of folks and do what they do. The mind can change if we change our thoughts.

Ultimately, in sitting Zazen, you may find a foundation so solid that I might call it a realization of the whole universe supporting you!

There are other folks here with various forms of anxiety and panic disorders, and I am sure the wise folks will have other advice for you.

Gassho, Jundo

PS - If you are sitting with another Zen Teacher, sure, ask him what he thinks.

[Mp]

First, please do continue with any psychological professional therapy you are receiving for this, and follow the doctor's guidance. Nothing I tell you should conflict with that I believe, but listen to the experts.

In Shikantaza, we sit observing our emotions, thoughts, fears and the like without grabbing on. We face them with equanimity. We learn in doing so that there is a vast difference between feeling the emotion and wallowing in it, stirring it up, repeating negative thoughts like a mantra, judging ourselves for having it, forming long stories in our head based on the emotion, etc. Everything concerning our reaction to the raw emotion is extra to the emotion itself, like pouring gasoline on the fire. By doing so, we learn that there is a wide difference between feeling human emotions and becoming their prisoner.

Then, allowing our negative thoughts and emotions to just be, you might begin practice in getting up from the cushion and testing yourself a little each day ... in very small bites, small steps out of your comfort zone. If you have trouble speaking to strangers, maybe today you can try to just smile at the clerk in a store commenting on the weather. Small small steps. Next week, you might try to say two sentences to a clerk in a store ... etc. etc. All the time, just observe your fears without diving in. If it helps, just focus on the breath instead of focusing on the emotions, and just breathe right through the emotions ... as if breathing equanimity right into all of it.

Hello Jacranda,

Jundo speaks some wonderful words here and in my view, spot on. I too am introverted and shy and this practice has allowed me to be with it when ever it arises. It does take time, so be kind and patience with yourself, but the more we just be with all facets of life, both inside and out, the more balanced and calm things become. The funny thing about it is, I have not become less introverted or shy, but more accepting and comfortable with it, with who I am. =)

Gassho
Shingen

#sattoday

[Eishuu]

Hi, I don't have much more to add but just wanted to say that I am also quite introverted and shy and often feel shy on Treeleaf. I have noticed through doing zazen that when I am feeling particularly shy or anxious about social interaction there is usually a lot of thought going on and particularly a lot of self-criticism or projected self-criticism (imagining other people will be critical). Noticing the thoughts and letting go of them or sometimes just acting anyway seems to help me. It also helps to realise that they are just thoughts. Thank you for bringing this topic up.

Gassho
Lucy
Sat today

[Jishin]

Hi,

Don't forget to breathe when talking to others!

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

[Joyo]

Already good advice, just wanted to add I too am very shy to the point of having anxiety. Funny thing is, I don't think a lot of people even know as I can come across very chatty and outgoing. But they don't know how much stress and anxiety I have on the inside, and how I have to go hide to unwind for several hours after. Through practice, (and I still have a long way to go lol!!) I am learning to just be with these feelings, not try to run away from the anxiety, and realize that like all things, these moments are impermanent.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Risho]

Yeah I'm just going to echo this stuff too. I don't have anxiety with being shy or introverted, not that there's anything at all wrong with those qualities. I mean that's part of you in a way too, so don't go into it thinking you have something to fix. Then again, you need to address your problems. lol

What I do have anxiety about is failure. And so I can relate; sometimes, I notice that I just have a cold feeling of anxiety. And I try to address it the same way that everyone has been mentioning, i.e. just by sitting with it, not running away. I have to say when I first started noticing the anxiety, after sitting zen for a few months, I was really overwhelmed by it. Now it sort of comes and then it goes, but it can take me by surprise sometimes. It's a constant practice.

But if you can sit with it, then it just fizzles out.

At the same time, and Jundo said this, I don't want to minimize what you feel; sometimes therapy is just necessary. Fortunately we live in a society where we can go to therapy when needed.

Gassho,

Risho
-sattoday

[Nindo]

The gap you talk of is there for most practitioners. We all have insights due to practice into our habit patterns, into our effect on others. We may very clearly see the patters that bring about anger, fear, avoidance, greed, hurt; whatever it is in the particular case. But to go from this insight to changing the habit, to actualize the insight in our everyday life, usually takes A LOT of time. So give yourself some patience, and just continue to chip away at the wall. Practice is about small steps with sustained effort over a long time. You can do it.

Also, be sure to define "fully engaging in life" in a way that feels right for you. Don't compare yourself to the most outgoing person in your sangha and strive to be them. You are probably not doing that, but just saying ...

Gassho
Nindo
sattoday

[Kyonin]

Hi Jacaranda.

We move through life by living our lives together with others. In compassion, generosity and gratitude. If you keep these three concepts in your mind, life could become a much more peaceful place. In zazen we destroy barriers and division and we can understand this. Your practice is precious, so please keep at it.

And of course, we are here for you

Gassho,

Kyonin
#SatToday

[Kaishin]

Probably best to seek out a counselor specializing in this type of problem, and go from there (speaking from experience).

[treebeard]

Some times right action is knowing when to seek help I think. My life is a constant balancing act of deciding what I can do myself and what I need to seek help with before I breakdown. When I am regular in sitting I do better at this. Some times seeing something in myself is enough to start making progress, and sometimes the great realisation is not only that I have problem, but that it might be wiser to seek help with it. I have a number of issues but anxiety takes a prominent spot among them. Anyway, I'm fairly new at all this but that is some of my experience thus far. Sometimes zazen is a solution in itself, and sometimes it is a key piece of a composite solution.

Gassho,
Paul
Sat today.

Sent from my Z813 using Tapatalk

[jacaranda tree]

Thank you to each of you for your thoughtful replies. I truly appreciate your feedback.
Lori (aka jacaranda tree - who sat today and hopes to do so again this evening)

[Rich]

Buddha said something like 'shine the light within '. So being an introvert is a more natural orientation in the path of getting to know your true self. As you get to know yourself, others become just an extension of that pureness and wonder that you are.

From one introvert to another, thank you so much for your question.

SAT today

[Jakuden]

Hi Lori. Thanks for posting your question, I will add my voice to the chorus of "same questions here!" I too struggle with making the leap from the awareness practice generates to turning that awareness into Right Action. And I am coming reluctantly to accept that some anxiety (especially social anxiety) is going to be present as part of what is programmed in this skin bag I inhabit, probably forever. And thanks everyone for your replies to this thread! So much wisdom in this Sangha.

Gassho,,
Jakuden
SatToday