Poems For Melancholy Buddhists

[will]

Re: Poems For Melancholy Buddhists

Things are not going to be the way you want them. Where are you running to? This is just something that you have attached too much importance to. Life goes on. Don't get us wrong. You are welcome here entirely. Yes, yes, no one understands me. What if I started to do that (and I have). Would that help me at all? Nope. What makes you think that no one is relating to you. In fact we are. Do we think we are? No. Are we forcing anything on you? No. Are we dictating what you should do? No. We a relating and trying to show you what is a barrier to your practice. This my dear is it. So I encourage you to go here and go there. Look for this and look for that. No one is stopping you "but" you are always welcome here. Like everyone else who every moment of everyday has something that they feel is so different from everyone else. I'm still waiting to see you in the sitting room.

What do you want Stephanie? Do you want someone to understand you? Do you want someone to understand this feeling of search and meaning that you have had. Do you want someone to relate to that? Do you want someone to talk to you about that? Why? What's the point? It has absolutely nothing to do with practice and it only reinforces your ability to think that you have a hardcore feeling for search or meaning.

Do you think that we chat about this stuff when your not around? Do you think we have some club where we get together? We don't. Do you think we're ganging up on you? I have never met Jordan or Harry. I have never met Jundo. I never met most of the people who have thrown advice at you. So, how can we, who have never even spoken together have the same point towards what you are experiencing? Any view that you hold is going to cause you trouble.

Gassho Will

[johnny]

Re: Poems For Melancholy Buddhists

...but for the most part you just assume you know what's going on and tell me what to do without making any attempt to connect with me.

What I came here for was to see if anyone could relate to my experience. The response to that is an overwhelming, clear "No." And perhaps it's not because no one here can relate to it, but certainly no one has communicated to me that they can, with perhaps the exception of Charles. The major difficulty with which I am struggling right now is the intermingling of my existential search and my current "low ebb." I am not ignorant of my possible psychopathology, but that's not what I came here to address. I come to a place like this looking to see if other practitioners and people who have taken similar spiritual paths as me have had the same hunger or the same struggle. If anyone like that spoke out, you would find me very receptive....

Anyway, I realize it's stupid to keep exposing yourself to an unsympathetic audience. And I realize it was perhaps my error in coming and persisting here even when I could sense I maybe wasn't a good fit here. I'm not sure if there is any reason for me to continue posting here, and if I move on, I want to assure you that even if I am not well right now, I am not in danger. I have learned to live with my mind and I don't mind it. Again, I reiterate that my search has been, and remains, one for meaning. I get the sense you lot are "over that," and I am not, so I'm not sure there is a meeting point for discussion here.

Steph,

I (along with most others on this board I would assume) ABSOLUTELY can identify with your struggle and and your hunger....that is precisely why we are all persistent in our suggestion for you to stay with your practice and/or seek professional help.

"A fool who persists in his folly will become wise."

We are trying to point out to you in a kind way that your struggle is simply not yours alone.....you are not someone special (sort of speak).

You are identified with this idea that you are going through this grand struggle and spiritual quest and that nobody understands you, etc, etc, etc.....but those very thoughts and ideas are NOT the REAL you. If you are having trouble seeing or understanding this, that is completely OK.....all you need to do is practice.

My first suggestion would be to seek professional help, I would think the proper medication would "take the edge off" and enable you to pursue a more consistent practice. My other suggestion would honestly be to stop posting on this board expecting answers which you will simply not find here. I think it's fair to say that you are not going to find someone here to commiserate with your conditioning and thus, nobody here can offer you the comfort that you are looking for in that regard.

Peace. - John