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It us normal to find issues with aspects of our sitting, In fact, it is part and parcel of the whole sitting experience.you may struggle with your eyes then shoulders then thumbs then knees...
If is all ok. Accept who you are and sit this in this.
Sit the self within the self.
Don t give boundaries to who you are
Don t believe your stories
Don't think you must be wrong
Have seen faces and other patterns in carpets, walls, curtains, wooden floorboards, linoleum.... I think it got less over time, and also my mind takes it so much less seriously if it happens now.
Gassho,
Nindo
THE LONG VERSION:
Once, a tiny Buddha popped out of the wall and we had a little conversation.
Gassho, Jundo
What did you guys talk about? What if something like this happens that is so profound and powerful that it changes your life forever. Something that connects you spiritually in a way that was unimaginable before. Something that replaced doubt with faith and belief.
What did you guys talk about? What if something like this happens that is so profound and powerful that it changes your life forever. Something that connects you spiritually in a way that was unimaginable before. Something that replaced doubt with faith and belief.
Yeah, well, I'd still tell him to take a hike and let me get back to Sitting.
As I recall, that little Buddha did not have much interesting to say at all (more of a "How Ya Doin'?" Buddha). However, even when encountering a powerful life changing vision, insight or other spiritual experience, we generally Bow to that, Appreciate such, learn from such and move on. Why?
One reason is a rather strange view of what the "life changing lesson" might be as the fruit of Zen Practice. I once wrote this about Kensho in the below posts, but the point applies to Talking Buddhas, Visions of God, Timeless Insights and any other life changing experiences too ...
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Dogen tended to speak of "Enlightenment" ... not as some momentary experience to attain ... but as "Practice-Enlightenment", emphasizing that how we make Buddha Wisdom and Compassion manifest in our actual words, thoughts and deeds in this life is the real "Kensho".
These momentary Kensho [or other] experiences can be light and deep and beyond light or deep. This can be much more profound and enveloping than a sensation of "I" feeling oneness or awe. HOWEVER, that does not matter because, generally in Soto, we consider all such experiences as passing scenery ... just a visit to the wonders of the Grand Canyon. One cannot stay there, as lovely as it is. Nice and educational place to visit ... would not, should not, could not truly live there. One can even live perfectly well never having visited the vast Canyon at all. The most important thing is to get on the bus, get on with the trip, get on with life from there. In our Soto Way, the WHOLE TRIP is Enlightenmentwhen realized as such (that is the True "Kensho"!) ... not some momentary stop or passing scene or some final destination .
The following is important, so BOLDFACE and UNDERLINE ...
Different folks approach and define all this in their own way. In our Soto View, some folks way way way overvalue an experience of timelessly momentary "Kensho" ... as the be all and end all (beyond being or ending) of "Enlightenment" ... and chase after it like some gold ring on the merry go round. For Soto folks, that is like missing the point of the trip. For Soto Folks, when we realize such ... every moment of the Buddha-Bus trip, the scenery out the windows (both what we encounter as beautiful and what appears ugly), the moments of good health and moments of passing illness, the highway, the seats and windows, all the other passengers on the Bus who appear to be riding with us, when we board and someday when we are let off ... the whole Trip ... is all the Buddha-Bus, all Enlightenment and Kensho, all the "destination" beyond "coming" or "going" or "getting there", when realized as such (Kensho). This ride is what we make it.
In a nutshell, a wondrous and important experience perhaps, but in "Zen Enlightenment" one comes to realize that even this ordinary, dusty, confining, sometimes joyous and sometimes ugly world is just as miraculous, wondrous, and "holy" as anything like that. The "Grand Canyon" or "Top of Mt. Everest" is a wonderful place to visit, but wouldn't want to live there. Scratching one's nose, taking out the trash, feeding the baby ... when we come to perceive this world as such ... is all as much the "Buddhaland" as anything with rainbow colored trees and cotton candy castles in the sky. In fact, the canyon vistas and the mountain top are ever before your eyes even now ... in the trash, your nose, in the hungry baby [(even in Mara!)]... although maybe hard to see. The most "boring and ordinary, beautiful or ugly" of this world is Extraordinary and Beautiful when properly understood.
In the violence, ugliness, anger, greed and clutching, divisive thoughts and frictions of the world, this fact can be hidden, so hard to see. Thus, a key aspect of our Practice is to see and live free of the violence, anger, greed, clutching and all the rest to see this fact more clearly ... and even to realize it was there all along, though so hidden by the storm.
Most folks just don't pierce that fact and are lost in delusion about the Nature of the trip. Most sentient being "passengers" on this ride just don't realize that, feeling homesick, car sick, separated from all the other passengers, revolted or attracted to what they see ... filling the whole trip with thoughts of greed and anger, spoiling the journey, making a mess of the bus and harming themselves and the other riders, unhappy until they get to the "promised destination" somewhere down the road. They may even get to the Grand Canyon, snap a picture and buy a sovenier, then wonder "is that all it is"?
I once wrote this on such Kensho (Seeing One's Nature) experiences ...
For Kensho is, in fact, special as special ever has been or could be … a sacred jewel, key to the path, life’s vitality realized … nothing other than special!
Yet Kensho is “nothing special” in that each and all facets of this life-world-self, bar none, are vital, sacred, a unique treasure – and every step of the path is central to the path. The “ordinary and mundane” is never ordinary. Every moment and any encounter, each breeze and blade of grass is special, sacred, a jewel in Indra’s Net. Thus, I do not mean to lower the import of Kensho in the least, but just to RAISE UP all of life, and every instant of practice, to one and the same par with Kensho, for such is the wholeness, intimacy, unity that is KENSHO’d in KENSHO.
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Realizing that fact – that the most “ordinary” is sacred and whole and unbroken – is at the heart of Kensho! Failing to see Kensho as extraordinary insight into the extra-ordinariness and sacredness of both the sacred and ordinary is not to see “Kensho.”
That is why many Soto folks, like Sawaki Roshi above, think "Kensho Schmensho" ... running after some timelessly momentary fireworky experience of "Kensho" is not True "Grocking the Nature" Buddha-Bus Kensho. He says ...
You want to become a buddha? There’s no need to become a buddha! Now is simply now. You are simply you. And tell me, since you want to leave the place where you are,where is it exactly you want to go?
Zazen means just sitting without even thinking of becoming buddha.
We don’t achieve satori through practice: practice is satori. Each and every step is the goal.
Great stuff Jundo, thank you. The idea of a wonderdull experiance that suddenly changes our lives and makes everything allright in a flash, is something that sounds like having crashd your car with no ensurance and hoping that while sitting on the curb, a miracle will happen or the car fairy will come to fix things. Its chasing miracles and running away from the reality the way it is. Our practice is about getting to grips with reality and suffering and not about fixing something. There is nothing ro fix. Kensho is getting a glimpse of that truth for a moment.
Question Jundo: do you think our mind must mature through our practice before such kensho experiances can really stick?
Question Jundo: do you think our mind must mature through our practice before such kensho experiances can really stick?
Yes. We are Buddha at the start of this practice with nothing to attain, still Buddha after practicing for 20 years with nothing to attain. But the Buddha who has been practicing for 20 years is probably better at it!
Thanks Jundo That is beautiful. All of life is Kensho. All of life is our practice. We were given this life freely. We did not ask for it. We did not earn it. It was just given to us. Good or bad, each moment a miracle.
My Kensho moment (if that is what it was) happened 11 months ago. It had a profound effect on me. I don't consider it a moment of enlightenment. Saying it was would be like getting some water in my mouth at the beach and saying I drank the entire ocean. It gave me more questions then answers. But what it did was plant a seed. That seed being faith in God (which I most certainly did not have before) and the thirst for a spiritual life (not to necessarily to be confused with a religious life). It is not an experience I seek to have again or an experience I was seeking in the first place, but I am grateful it happened. Perhaps I am interpreting it wrong, but that is how I experienced it. The only people I have ever told about this is my wife and mom who had different reactions. My wife was thankful I found faith (although our theologic understandings differ) and my mom thought I was visited by a demon. Quite polar opposite reactions, lol. Thank you for providing me with the Buddhist interpretations of such events. I am grateful to have you as a teacher.
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