Feeling Overwhelmed

[Guest]

There is so much good in Buddhism, from Thich Nhat Hahn, to all the teachings that are here, to the Zen books that have been posted here as recommended readings. I something just feel like I cannot get enough, I enjoy it so much. But I get frustrated, I will read something (such as how to manage anger, or how to live in mindfulness) and by the next day, or even the next hr, I will have forgotten all about it and I get caught up in my old habits. It's hard for all the teachings to really sink in? Does that make sense? How should I go about this, should I focus on one small part of the dharma until that comes naturally to me, or is there a more efficient way?

gassho,
Treena

[Mp]

Hey there Treena,

You said it, too much of a good thing can lead to bad habits, or make questions harder to answer. Simplify, walk one path at a time ... even though there are many paths up the mountain, each hold their own beauty.

I remember I used to read many books at once, but then I found that they all started to just bleed together and eventually, I was missing some valuable information. So, no rush, there is plenty of time.

Gaasho
Shingen

[pinoybuddhist]

Treena,

Correct me if I'm wrong but in reading your post I get the sense that you're in a hurry to get the Dharma. Maybe just relax, enjoy the journey and remember it's not a Dharma-race?


Rafael

[Koshin]

Sometimes I still feel the same, I feel the urge to "be there", right in the center of the Dharma, to be Wise, Compassionate, and feel bad if I am not... but....guess what? You are in the center of the Dharma, I am, all we are.....and not knowing it, to fall into Ignorance, Greed, Hatred...to forget the teachings... all is part of the Dharma too, is the way we learn to un-learn...as strange as it seems, to fail, over and over again, is the most efficient way to get, to live, the Dharma.... be kind to yourself, be open to learn even in the most simple and ugly things in life, EVERYTHING is Dharma, EVERYTHING is a teaching, even forgetting, even the old habits.... now you have awareness of the forgetting, of the "return" to your old habits, and then you already know EVERYTHING is different...so, step by step, just BE

Of course, I know nothing, and sorry for my broken English

Gassho

[Jundo]

Sitting is the center, the beginningless beginning and endless end of our Practice. All else is an add on.

The traditional Buddhist Teachings are that you have endless lifetimes for this, so why rush? The Zen teachings are that one can get this in an instant ... every instant whether getting this or not ... and there is nothing to get and every instant holds all time ... so why rush?

Ours is a slow hike up and down a mountain where the whole mountain, every step, is Buddha walking Buddha and a constant arrival. Yet we keep moving forward. Why are you rushing such a beautiful hike to get to some ends? The real arriving in a good hike is to realize that each step, and all encountered each moment, was the trip and meaning ... the Buddha Mountain ... not getting to some finish line.

Reading many somewhat conflicting Zen and Buddhist Books ... like reading too many good but somewhat conflicting cook books on how to cook pasta ... can be confusing. We recently had another thread on that.

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?11179-Advice-on-some-books-I-haven-t-found-in-the-suggested-books-list-and-others-I-did&p=105808&viewfull=1#post105808

and

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?11179-Advice-on-some-books-I-haven-t-found-in-the-suggested-books-list-and-others-I-did&p=105831&viewfull=1#post105831

Slow and steady wins the raceless race.

Gassho, J

[Joyo]

lol!! Yes, I guess I am viewing it too much as a race. I get grumpy and impatient with my kids, or I get really depressed because life has it's challenges (like it does for everyone) and then I get frustrated that I'm just not getting the dharma, where the heck is the peace, the calm, or the sweet mom that I want to be, why is the depression not melting away???

I think I"m going to take this advice and return the three (yes, three, plus the two other books that I own that I am reading now, not all Buddhist books though) and focus on one book, one dharma thing at a time. Perhaps one page at a time, and just let it soak in and forget about where the peace is or anything else.

I've always been very hard on myself, very critical, I guess it is creeping up into my practice and perhaps by just letting this go and taking a slower hike will make me not view this so much as a race.

gassho,
Treena

[Jundo]

... I get grumpy and impatient with my kids, or I get really depressed because life has it's challenges (like it does for everyone) and then I get frustrated ...

But such is the Dharma, the Buddha mountain, the hike! What are you trying to get away from? Who is trying to get away?

There is difference between challenges and noisy kids and your mental response to the challenges and noisy kids (believe me, I know). One can sometimes feel a bit grumpy and impatient, but that is world's away from falling into --excess-- with such emotions ... or feeling additional impatience --about-- feeling impatient! All human beings (even the Buddha, perhaps, if one reads between the lines of the old Suttas) sometimes felt a bit impatient or grumpy about stuff.

Gassho. J

[Joyo]

Thx Jundo, as a mom of two very spirited, strong willed little boys, I lose patience and yell at them sometimes---they test and test the limits and try very hard to see what they can get away with and try and make me feel guilty for putting them in a time-out or even asking them to pick up their toys (although they are also super sweet at times!!) I do lose patience with myself for losing patience. It's kind of a vicious cycle. I guess I have an attachment to wanting to be the perfect mom, so they won't grow up and say "you did this and this and this and it really hurt me, you were not a very good mom" It's just the one thing that I demand of myself to get right, to be a good mom to them, but with those thoughts comes, as you said, feeling additional impatience--about--feeling impatient==and then I think I get more impatient with them.

I know what I probably need to do here, drop it, right? Drop the demands, the attachment, the excessive thinking, and just be in the moment and not live with the mental responses to the challenges and noisy kids, and in doing so, stop rushing the dharma with all the books and the demands on myself.

It's just hard for me to do that, even to remember it, especially when exhausted from parenting my two boys all day. Does that make sense at all?

[Taigu]

No big deal... Is a good mantra gor exhausted and very sensitive parents. The path is not designed to make everything great at once, it is designed to show you where it is difficult and, at the same time, to be a bit more patient with the inner control freak we all are.

Gassho

Taigu

[Joe]

I get the kid in a candy shop feeling a lot when it comes too Buddhism too. Some times there are too many choices, some times it's all just sugar with different colored shells. Some times it's both! Either way when I stuff my face I get sick.

Just keep sitting, and listening to our teachers



Gassho,
Joe

[Jinyo]

Hi Treena - when I first began to explore Zen and to practice sitting I had the notion that to develop equanimity would somehow mean that I would simply cruise through feelings of impatience, hurt and anger.

This isn't really how it works and it sounds, from what you've written, that you're adding to a critical voice within your mind. I think this is understandable at the beginning - and I can remember feeling guilty and a failure when I realised that I was still inwardly reactive even if I was maintaining more external control.

TNH - who I also respect - writes to take care of our anger. I think this is good advice. Buddhism doesn't intend to eradicate or flatten our emotions - but gradually, very gradually - a shift does take place. We learn to not only be patient with and forgive others but to be patient with ourselves. We find resources within ourselves to deal better with conflict and work towards resolutions.

We stumble and fall - and then get up again.

Day after day after day.

IMHO this is the essence of practice.

Gassho

Willow

[Daitetsu]

Hi Treena,

I know what you are talking about, I changed my attitude some time ago though:
1) This is a practice, i.e. I just read dharma texts for an additional enjoyment. Like Jundo said, sitting every day is the most important thing for me. If there is time for more stuff (like reading), fine.
2) This is a practice, i.e. no one is perfect. E.g. sometimes I also lose my temper, but then I use it as an opportunity to think about why I got angry - so I can try not to repeat my mistakes.
3) I know there is an overwhelming array of practices/techniques/methods available and that especially at the beginning one cannot decide. However, I have commited myself to Treeleaf when I came here, i.e. I follow the practices here. If there is time for more "methods", fine. If not, that's OK as well.
4) After reading tons of books (and I am still reading like a maniac - only for enjoyment/deepening now though) I can say that just following the posts/videos/teachings from our teachers here is actually enough for practice (IMHO).

Some suggestions:
I write stuff I consider important and own dharma related thoughts into a "dharma notebook" which I can reference anytime.
While there are lots of good books out there, some are better than just good, i.e. rare jewels. You could create bookmarks, notes or even mindmaps for these.
IMHO it is better to re-read valuable books several times than reading something new every day.

Gassho,

Timo

[Myosha]

Throw it all away. Love your family. The ineffable provides.

It's ALL practice.


Gassho,
Edward

[Emmet]

When I first read the 6th & 7th Precepts; "I resolve not to speak of the faults of others, but to be understanding and sympathetic", and "I resolve not to praise myself and disparage others, but to overcome my own shortcomings" (cross-referenced with Right Speech), I thought, "No problem; I don't gossip". Imagine my surprise when virtually the next words out of my mouth were about another person who wasn't there, and in the weeks to follow how often such things were a prominent feature of my conversation. Even when I'm able to exercise a modicum of preemptive control over my mouth, what my mind whispers in my ear is another matter entirely (which is the crux of the matter). I don't practice the Dharma very well at all, but I'm now increasingly aware of my shortcomings, which gives me myriad opportunities to improve; opportunities which I didn't have when I was ignorant of such things. That's why it's called "practice".
Enlightenment unfolds. Don't push the river. Let it flow by itself.

[KellyRok]

Hi Treena,

There is so much wonderful advice here. I just wanted to say first, that you are not alone. I can tell you that I've felt all the same things that you are feeling before and I know I will again. As so many have said, it is all a part of practice.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. I too have two boys who can be challenging at times and will continue to challenge me as they grow. Some days I feel like I'm failing them in some way as a parent. I lose my temper and think, "wow! that person isn't who I want to be. That isn't the Way." And then I remember, I'm human and I'm going to make mistakes. And then, I usually go find a space to sit zazen. Because it all comes back to the cushion in the end.

Reading and studying the Dharma is wonderful and necessary. Just don't forget to let it 'sit' with you.

take care,
Kelly/Jinmei