Struggles with Shikantaza

[Joyo]

As others have said, just continue to sit, with no expectations put on yourself. It will get better, I promise. I have a very difficult mind to try and stop racing. I've been meditating for other a year, but only doing shikantaza for a few months. At first, it was a complete disaster each time (sorry, no labels, no wrong way to do zazen, Jundo, but just telling the truth here, keeping it real ) I just kept focusing on that clear blue sky picture in my mind. Now, it's as if my mind has become the clear blue sky, and as I sit, and my mind continues to race, that quiet spot in my brain is always there. Anyway, I hope that makes sense. Just continue to sit, don't rate your time sitting, listen to the videos by Jundo and Taigu, and it will become easier in time

[Taigu]

No struggle with shikantaza, just struggle with oneself. Practice is designed to exhaust resistance and let go of fear and hope.

Well, we have a great bunch of wonderful teachers here. And there is no need to add anything.

Gassho


Taigu

[Oheso]

Practice is designed to exhaust resistance and let go of fear and hope.

to me, this is one of the clearest statements of teaching I have ever encountered. deep bow of gratitude.

Rob

[Ed]

Ben, you say how strange is for a grown man not to be able to "just sit" Strange indeed.

I suggest two things.

Start sitting with counting the breath. This is not shikantaza but it will calm the mind . I'd go to ten on the exhalation and make sure you stay with it. You won't, but don't despair, go back to one.
Or count to ONE only, with each breath. That's actually better for me since going on to ten can keep thing from rising.

The Beginner's mind book suggested above is a great piece of advise. Read it. I got the Cd's narrated by Peter Coyote and long time practitioner himself. For years now I been listening and reading Suzuki rohi's advice.

Finally sit! Even if you cut down the minutes temporarily. Do it. Just don't stay with a tight mind....loosen it up, find a place to from which to watch the turmoil. Exhaust it like Taigu says abaove. Not easy but quite real. Maybe your experience in meditation obstructs your zazen. Rmember zazen is NOT meditation. Zazen is presence with what is, namely you and what you are interconnected with, the whole enchilada in and out, not two.

Thanks for practicing,

Ed

ps I am not a teacher, just a practitioner like yourself.

[Taigu]

No need to add anything...

Gassho

Taigu

[McGettigan]

Ben,

You read my mind. I actually clicked the forum today for the sole purpose of starting this type of thread. I've been having trouble, and I had a particularly hard (in my mind, or small mind?) time last night. It drudged up all these things. "This isn't helpful, why can't I do this? My foot is asleep, if I adjust myself I'll ruin it. My back is aching and I slumped a bit and now I've ruined it again. This is unbearable." That sort of stuff. It was even weirdly emotional for me.

But I think that exposed something worthwhile. I spent that whole day never thinking about any of that, but when I confronted the moment (or just tried to sit in/with it) suddenly I was full of these feelings I'd been avoiding. I wasn't letting go, I was avoiding. Things like worth, and all this other intense stuff about who I should be, or what I should be able to do. They were like emotional flashbangs thrown into the room one after another.

And all these responses have been extremely helpful. I think everyone's right. I mean, in a purely practical sense, how can you let go of these things that make you suffer unless you encounter them and see what they are? Know what I mean?

You're not alone!

Gassho
Mc.

[Mp]

No struggle with shikantaza, just struggle with oneself.

So true, thank you Taigu.

Gassho
Shingen

[Taigu]

No need to add anything...




Gassho

Taigu

[Joyo]

Thank you, Taigu, that is very helpful!!

Gassho,
Treena

[Taigu]

And Emmy, no need to add anything,


gassho

taigu

[Joyo]

yes, you are so right

[Taigu]

And...

T.

[lordbd]

No need to add anything. Just need to sit! This thread has probably been the most significant religious discussion I've had in my adult life. I truly thank the treeleaf community for sitting with me through my sitting. I suppose thats part of what Sangha means.

[sittingzen]

Hi Ben,

Thank you for sharing with us. We all go through periods of the "dread", as you so call it. It often times feels like a chore, doesn't it? If that's how you feel, that's OK. There is nothing wrong with your feelings. As many have already clearly stated, do your best to sit and just be. Don't have any expectations. In my personal experience, when you set levels of expectations of what sitting "should be" is, issues arise. We are conditioned early on to have benchmarks and indicators as markers of success. We develop preconceived or conceptual notions that are illusory of what everything "should be".

Deep Gassho, friend;

Lu

[RichardH]

Hi Ben. Sometimes when sitting down on the cushion I'll quietly say... "It is like this, it feels like this". Whether feeling up or feeling down, feeling restful or agitated, inspired or flat. Just sitting, the present state of being as is, alone . It is like putting down a heavy bag.

Just two more cents

Gassho, Richard.