Where The Rubber Meets The Road

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  • Jigetsu
    Member
    • May 2011
    • 236

    Where The Rubber Meets The Road

    Friends, Family,

    As many of you know from my earlier posts, my mother was recently diagnosed with cancer. Another statement I'd made during my written tirade was about 'losing my practice'. I was very firm in that belief until I found my way back to my zafu for a few days in a row. There was a clarity that I had afterward that wasn't amazing, or wonderful, it just was. I'd like to share that with you.

    During the beginning of my mother's diagnosis, my Dad was understandably upset. There were decisions that needed to be made that he was uncomfortable with, he was worried for his wife, and after losing one of his brothers to cancer mom's diagnosis terrified him.

    Once my mother started chemo, she spiked a terrible fever of 106. We had to take her to the ER where she stayed hospitalized for 2 days. They lowered her dose (it's a oral medication) and that seemed to take care of the situation.

    My brother, during this time, hid behind me, unsure whether to come down from Dallas or to wait for someone to tell him too. My wife played an almost over protective but loving daughter-in-law to Mom and was at the same time very high strung about the situation at hand.

    My mother was a range of emotions. First she was happy there was a positive diagnosis of an illness that explained her previously unexplainable symptoms. This of course was followed by a persistant fear of death where she would oscillate between sad, scared, and accepting.

    "So what about you, Jigetsu? How did you feel?"

    At first, I had thought to myself that I was just numb from the news. I neither reacted positively, nor negatively. I just asked questions. After my time on the zafu however, I understood things to be different. I wasn't numb, I just new deep inside that wanting her to not have cancer would not change reality. Wishing things to be other then what they were would only cause me to suffer, which in turn guiding my actions and words could cause others to suffer. Ripples in the water.

    I had been there for my Dad, giving him facts about the illness and correcting some of my mother's statements that made her condition seem worse then it was. (I love hear dearly, but she exaggerates a lot, often on purpose.) I had been the one that touched her, and knew she was hot. With out asking, I went and bought a thermometer and took her temperature. I had been the one to call her doctor to see what the orders were, and I had been the one to talk gently to her during her fever delirium. (In retrospect, she was saying silly things. We laugh about it now.)

    I spoke to my brother, assuring him everything was under control. Talking to him the way he needed so he could find peace. I commended my wife for taking such good care of my mother, and I would talk to Mom for an hour at a time just so she could tell me the same stories she'd been telling me because she needed to say them. They were about death and dying, and I was unshaken.

    I was, and have been deep in practice. I didn't lose it, I was living it.

    I'm not saying anything to gain any merit, please understand, I'm just trying to illustrate that everything was done automatically with out trying to add anything, nor take anything away. In doing so, I promoted calm and acceptance in myself and others. Ripples in the water.

    Of course, if you'd like to toss a little Metta our way, I wouldn't turn that down either.
    _/\_
    Jigetsu
  • Dosho
    Member
    • Jun 2008
    • 5784

    #2
    Much metta to you and your entire family Jigetsu...you have learned much, young one.

    Deep bows.

    Gassho,
    Dosho

    Comment

    • Koshin
      Member
      • Feb 2012
      • 938

      #3
      Much Metta for your mother and all your family Jigetsu, may she recover and get well soon. Your learning is our learning...

      Deep Gassho
      Thank you for your practice

      Comment

      • KellyRok
        Member
        • Jul 2008
        • 1374

        #4
        Dear Jigetsu,

        Your learning is our learning...
        Absolutely true! I will offer much Metta for you and your family. Take care of each other and keep us updated when you can.

        Gassho,
        Kelly/Jinmei

        Comment

        • Rich
          Member
          • Apr 2009
          • 2601

          #5
          Much metta for your mother. Sounds like you are doing everything right.
          _/_
          Rich
          MUHYO
          無 (MU, Emptiness) and 氷 (HYO, Ice) ... Emptiness Ice ...

          https://instagram.com/notmovingmind

          Comment

          • Mp

            #6
            Much metta Jigetsu to you, your mother, and your family. Will dedicate this weeks Zazenkai to you all.

            Gassho
            Shingen

            Comment

            • Jundo
              Treeleaf Founder and Priest
              • Apr 2006
              • 39419

              #7
              Such time can be the greatest teachers.

              Just being with our family struggling through such times, being with our sick parents, can be the more sad-yet-beautiful of life experiences.

              You sound like a loving son.

              Gassho, J
              ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

              Comment

              • Jigetsu
                Member
                • May 2011
                • 236

                #8
                Originally posted by Jundo
                Such time can be the greatest teachers.

                Just being with our family struggling through such times, being with our sick parents, can be the more sad-yet-beautiful of life experiences.

                You sound like a loving son.

                Gassho, J
                Thank you all for the metta. The practice continues, I'm with her at the ER right now. Dad is back with her. Another fever and more delirium.

                I'll update later.
                _/\_
                Jigetsu

                Comment

                • Dennis
                  Member
                  • Jul 2012
                  • 47

                  #9
                  Metta to you and your loved ones! And thank you for sharing your practice.

                  Gassho, Dennis

                  Comment

                  • Kokuu
                    Treeleaf Priest
                    • Nov 2012
                    • 6783

                    #10
                    It is a great lesson that if we just do what needs to be done the worrying can often fall away, and things seem to almost take care of themselves.

                    May we all remember that at such times.


                    Much metta to you, Jigetsu. Thank you so much for sharing. Please do keep us updated when you can.


                    Gassho
                    Andy

                    Comment

                    • Jinyo
                      Member
                      • Jan 2012
                      • 1957

                      #11
                      Metta to you, your mum and your family.

                      Your presence must be a comfort.

                      Gassho

                      Willow

                      Comment

                      • Juki
                        Member
                        • Dec 2012
                        • 771

                        #12
                        Meta to you and your family.

                        gassho
                        william
                        "First you have to give up." Tyler Durden

                        Comment

                        • Heishu
                          Member
                          • Sep 2012
                          • 484

                          #13
                          Metta to your Mother, you and each of your family.

                          Gassho
                          Heishu
                          Last edited by Heishu; 05-24-2013, 12:13 AM.


                          “Blessed are the flexible, for they never get bent out of shape." Author Unknown

                          Comment

                          • arnold
                            Member
                            • Mar 2013
                            • 78

                            #14
                            Jigetsu, may your mother, yourself and your family have peace during her sickness.

                            Comment

                            • Kyonin
                              Treeleaf Priest / Engineer
                              • Oct 2010
                              • 6742

                              #15
                              Jigetsu,

                              I am just a fool in life, but I have found that hard times are our best practice grounds.

                              Much metta to your family and to all suffering medical conditions.

                              Gassho,

                              Kyonin
                              Hondō Kyōnin
                              奔道 協忍

                              Comment

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