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Clinging and Grasping
I suppose that one of the one of the reasons that brought me to Treeleaf 
was my recent decision to make a sincere concentrated effort to maintain my practice throughout my day. Let me just point out that I’ve felt this calling in my practice for literally decades but actually implementing it is well.. not easy.
I suppose I’m going to have to admit that this was one of the biggest stumbling blocks for me. No, wait, IT IS one of the biggest stumbling blocks.
when you eat, eat. When you wash dishes, wash the dishes. When you’re drinking your tea drink your tea. Be there with your tea, stay present. Don’t get me wrong, it is a very big commitment to just sit everyday, but to practice at all times.. it’s a complete shift.
maybe it’s because I’m getting older or maybe it’s because I’ve finally stopped being a knucklehead I don’t know, but fully entering into my practice now has finally after all these years become comfortable like a security blanket and has stopped being, well for me at least, boring and impossible.
here lately I’ve really been recognizing my clinging and grasping. As I continue to come back to breath… over …. and… over… and… over again It’s starting to make me understand just how much I’m still like that little child I was when I used to cry when my mother took me to the dentist or barber or anywhere frightening. I remember I would cling to her not wanting to face my fears.
staying in the present moment is frankly scary to me. I would rather cling to the aggregates than let them go. I want my teddy, my games, my candy and my Saturday morning cartoons! ( for those of you that aren’t old enough, a long time ago there was a time when cartoons only came on t.v on Saturday morning )
. Of course those childish clingings developed into adult clingings but it’s still the same.
I say that’s it’s scary because it’s truly stepping out into the unknown, I’m letting myself go… I’m letting everything go and that’s scary. Don’t misunderstand, I’m still here; a householder, husband, father, employee etc.. I’m still taking care of my responsibilities; but by dropping body/mind all of these things have stopped defining who I am. Who am I? Well, I can tell you who I’m not; I’m not David, I’m not a householder, a husband, father or employee… I just am. I’m just the present moment.
When I was an Evangelical Christian, It always bothered me that I could never really attain this “peace that passes all understanding”. It frustrated me a lot. I suppose that might have been one of the main reasons…. No IT IS one of the main reasons that I found my practice. For all of my life I’ve experienced this dukkha. I referred to it as “angst”. A dissatisfaction, like something missing all the time. Never truly at peace.
But now I’m starting to really understand practice.
for the longest time I’ve hesitated to “become Buddhist” but I think I already am.
Gassho, David
Clinging and Grasping
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension. - Philippians 4:7
When even for a moment you sit upright in samadhi expressing the buddha mudra in the three activities [body, speech, and thought], the whole world of phenomena becomes the buddha mudra and the entire sky turns into enlightenment - Dogen
When even for a moment you sit upright in samadhi expressing the buddha mudra in the three activities [body, speech, and thought], the whole world of phenomena becomes the buddha mudra and the entire sky turns into enlightenment - Dogen
was my recent decision to make a sincere concentrated effort to maintain my practice throughout my day. Let me just point out that I’ve felt this calling in my practice for literally decades but actually implementing it is well.. not easy. I suppose I’m going to have to admit that this was one of the biggest stumbling blocks for me. No, wait, IT IS one of the biggest stumbling blocks.
when you eat, eat. When you wash dishes, wash the dishes. When you’re drinking your tea drink your tea. Be there with your tea, stay present. Don’t get me wrong, it is a very big commitment to just sit everyday, but to practice at all times.. it’s a complete shift.
maybe it’s because I’m getting older or maybe it’s because I’ve finally stopped being a knucklehead I don’t know, but fully entering into my practice now has finally after all these years become comfortable like a security blanket and has stopped being, well for me at least, boring and impossible.
here lately I’ve really been recognizing my clinging and grasping. As I continue to come back to breath… over …. and… over… and… over again It’s starting to make me understand just how much I’m still like that little child I was when I used to cry when my mother took me to the dentist or barber or anywhere frightening. I remember I would cling to her not wanting to face my fears.
staying in the present moment is frankly scary to me. I would rather cling to the aggregates than let them go. I want my teddy, my games, my candy and my Saturday morning cartoons! ( for those of you that aren’t old enough, a long time ago there was a time when cartoons only came on t.v on Saturday morning )
. Of course those childish clingings developed into adult clingings but it’s still the same. I say that’s it’s scary because it’s truly stepping out into the unknown, I’m letting myself go… I’m letting everything go and that’s scary. Don’t misunderstand, I’m still here; a householder, husband, father, employee etc.. I’m still taking care of my responsibilities; but by dropping body/mind all of these things have stopped defining who I am. Who am I? Well, I can tell you who I’m not; I’m not David, I’m not a householder, a husband, father or employee… I just am. I’m just the present moment.
When I was an Evangelical Christian, It always bothered me that I could never really attain this “peace that passes all understanding”. It frustrated me a lot. I suppose that might have been one of the main reasons…. No IT IS one of the main reasons that I found my practice. For all of my life I’ve experienced this dukkha. I referred to it as “angst”. A dissatisfaction, like something missing all the time. Never truly at peace.
But now I’m starting to really understand practice.
for the longest time I’ve hesitated to “become Buddhist” but I think I already am.
Gassho, David
, so I'm a bit biased here.
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