First Experience of Zazen
Greetings everyone!
Today I'd like to share a little about my first Zazen experience. Not so much experience as it was just reading about it.
I don't recall when or where I read about it, though it was in my early teens. At the time it wasn't very interesting to me. Not because I thought it looked boring nor that I didn't understand it, but on the contrary. It was something I felt I understood, and had already somewhat been practicing years before between 7 and 12 years old. Mind you whatever source I had read was probably very basic, and my reflections are based on that limited knowledge at the time.
Around 15 years old roughly is when we really start to challenge the things we have been presented. It's a normal part of developing a level of independence and putting to use the things you've learned. Damage done during this age is often reflected in how one later manages their "ego", self esteem, and other areas dealing with integration. So naturally when I read about the method of Zazen around that age, it seemed to me that the general effect was to quiet the mind, embody stillness, tranquility, and so on. Seemingly as a means of dissolving the turbulent nature of thoughts and feelings by repetitively mapping out pathways in the mind which are empty of grasping or rejecting. The more one does it, the more those pathways map out smoothly and free, and that efficient mapping causes a natural response to life circumstances which flow through that formless model unrestricted. Increasing the likelihood of realizing the fundamental.
However, a thing that I challenged is that it seemed likely it would be prone to becoming a sort of nest or box, trapping the practitioner into a system of dependence. Indeed later in life I have met practitioners who talk about how hard it is to take samadhi from the cushion into daily life. To me that is indictive of a nest or perhaps "Zen sickness".
So instead, I decided to flip the script. I had already witnessed that mental illness and great suffering was perpetuated needlessly throughout society. My only solution at the time, do the opposite of whatever it is they think one should do. Not really applied to stupid extremes, but more as a way of looking at things. So when it came to Zazen, I did the opposite. Find the peace in the most upsetting of circumstances, go to the hardest place to simply sit. Embody stillness in the chaos of daily life. Find the buddha in the marketplace.
The hard path is generally the one I went towards. The theory was, if I can overcome the hardest conditions, the easer ones will come naturally. So far, that has been reliable throughout my life, though ultimately it isn't necessary.
Funny enough, that is part of what brought me here. For a period I avoided looking into Soto Zen, and a number of things contributed to that point of view. In the process I noticed that I had hardened myself to the teachings, the community, and Zazen practice. Indeed I had found a nest! I noticed that the hard road for me right now was taking a fair and honest look at zazen, Soto, and the community you all have made here. Without the preconceptions I had formed.
No doubt that on one hand, formality can easily become a social disease. A meat grinder chopping up people to make them into mindless copies of someone else's ideal. Robing this universe from their uniquely inherent nature. On the other hand structure and formality can also work as a refuge for those who have uncertainty and could use a little help along the way. A way of bringing us all together, giving a pathway to communicate experiences and share information, and so many other benefits.
When I came here I was introduced the a different sort of Zazen than the one I had perceived. A zazen that is a rich embodiment of life itself simply as is. Something very much like an inexhaustible lamp, inexpressible, beautiful, and peaceful. No doubt I have much to learn from you all!
I haven't practiced Zazen for long now. At this point there are still many things I do not know, and I haven't gone through enough of the introductory teachings offered here to assert I'm doing it. Though already I have noticed a number of changes to the mapping structures of my mind. In one regard it accelerates or deepens my ability to respond to circumstances with equanimity. In another regard it exposes a number of coping mechanisms in raw and uncomfortable way. I take it as a sign that those coping mechanisms are highly inefficient and ineffective for navigating those areas of life. The discomfort points me towards the simple solution, looking deeply into the area of my life I don't enjoy looking at. I take these phenomena, not as the point or goal of zazen, but perhaps as some fruit.
As always, I offer you all my great ignorance on these matters, and I am so grateful for all the insightful input each of you have given along the way.
Much love!
Salem
Sat&Lah
Today I'd like to share a little about my first Zazen experience. Not so much experience as it was just reading about it.
I don't recall when or where I read about it, though it was in my early teens. At the time it wasn't very interesting to me. Not because I thought it looked boring nor that I didn't understand it, but on the contrary. It was something I felt I understood, and had already somewhat been practicing years before between 7 and 12 years old. Mind you whatever source I had read was probably very basic, and my reflections are based on that limited knowledge at the time.
Around 15 years old roughly is when we really start to challenge the things we have been presented. It's a normal part of developing a level of independence and putting to use the things you've learned. Damage done during this age is often reflected in how one later manages their "ego", self esteem, and other areas dealing with integration. So naturally when I read about the method of Zazen around that age, it seemed to me that the general effect was to quiet the mind, embody stillness, tranquility, and so on. Seemingly as a means of dissolving the turbulent nature of thoughts and feelings by repetitively mapping out pathways in the mind which are empty of grasping or rejecting. The more one does it, the more those pathways map out smoothly and free, and that efficient mapping causes a natural response to life circumstances which flow through that formless model unrestricted. Increasing the likelihood of realizing the fundamental.
However, a thing that I challenged is that it seemed likely it would be prone to becoming a sort of nest or box, trapping the practitioner into a system of dependence. Indeed later in life I have met practitioners who talk about how hard it is to take samadhi from the cushion into daily life. To me that is indictive of a nest or perhaps "Zen sickness".
So instead, I decided to flip the script. I had already witnessed that mental illness and great suffering was perpetuated needlessly throughout society. My only solution at the time, do the opposite of whatever it is they think one should do. Not really applied to stupid extremes, but more as a way of looking at things. So when it came to Zazen, I did the opposite. Find the peace in the most upsetting of circumstances, go to the hardest place to simply sit. Embody stillness in the chaos of daily life. Find the buddha in the marketplace.
The hard path is generally the one I went towards. The theory was, if I can overcome the hardest conditions, the easer ones will come naturally. So far, that has been reliable throughout my life, though ultimately it isn't necessary.
Funny enough, that is part of what brought me here. For a period I avoided looking into Soto Zen, and a number of things contributed to that point of view. In the process I noticed that I had hardened myself to the teachings, the community, and Zazen practice. Indeed I had found a nest! I noticed that the hard road for me right now was taking a fair and honest look at zazen, Soto, and the community you all have made here. Without the preconceptions I had formed.
No doubt that on one hand, formality can easily become a social disease. A meat grinder chopping up people to make them into mindless copies of someone else's ideal. Robing this universe from their uniquely inherent nature. On the other hand structure and formality can also work as a refuge for those who have uncertainty and could use a little help along the way. A way of bringing us all together, giving a pathway to communicate experiences and share information, and so many other benefits.
When I came here I was introduced the a different sort of Zazen than the one I had perceived. A zazen that is a rich embodiment of life itself simply as is. Something very much like an inexhaustible lamp, inexpressible, beautiful, and peaceful. No doubt I have much to learn from you all!
I haven't practiced Zazen for long now. At this point there are still many things I do not know, and I haven't gone through enough of the introductory teachings offered here to assert I'm doing it. Though already I have noticed a number of changes to the mapping structures of my mind. In one regard it accelerates or deepens my ability to respond to circumstances with equanimity. In another regard it exposes a number of coping mechanisms in raw and uncomfortable way. I take it as a sign that those coping mechanisms are highly inefficient and ineffective for navigating those areas of life. The discomfort points me towards the simple solution, looking deeply into the area of my life I don't enjoy looking at. I take these phenomena, not as the point or goal of zazen, but perhaps as some fruit.
As always, I offer you all my great ignorance on these matters, and I am so grateful for all the insightful input each of you have given along the way.
Much love!
Salem
Sat&Lah
Right now, or as soon as possible, sit down, cross the legs, keep the body upright, hands in the mudra, breathe through the nose, eyes open, drop thoughts, drop Zen, drop myself, drop memories, drop ideas and mental diarrhea, drop knowledge, drop it all, and just sit. That's the simplicity of the Buddha's sitting. Then, do it again 
Lovely. 
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