Ceremony for honoring someone who has passed

[Koriki]

I just found out that a friend has passed and it brought up the question of what are the ways in Zen to honor someone who has passed? A ceremony that I can perform for my own needs? I know there are funeral ceremonies, which I am interested in as well, but I am curious as to what can be done on a personal level.

Gassho,
Koriki
s@lah

[Shujin]

I'm sorry for your loss, Koriki. You touched on a central point in honoring your friend. I think that whatever action reflects their life and the traces left upon this world is appropriate. Funeral services have an important role in collective grief, but for me a friend's passing is quite individual, and therefore intimate.

Gassho,
Shujin
St/lah

[Onsho]

I'm sorry Koriki. That's really tough and im sure its going to be a difficult for quite some time. If you have a fond memory of them that you are willing to share, i'm sure we would all love to hear it.

I have put incense on the alter for you and your friend.

Gassho,
Onsho
satlah

[Seiko]

Hi Koriki,
I am only a novice priest, so please take my words with a pinch of salt.

Eat your friend's favourite meal, have a glass of his favourite drink, play his favourite song, and be thankful you met.

Gasshō, Seiko, stlah

[Shinshi]

Hi Koriki,

When I lost a very close friend Jundo suggested saying the Heart Sutra for them.

I had searched around a bit and found this as well - it is from the San Fransisco Zen Center and is called:

When Blossoms Fall - A Zen Guide for Death & Dying

https://branchingstreams.sfzc.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Blossoms-Fall-Booklet_Edition3-printfinal.pdf

Gassho,

Shinshi

SaT-LaH

[Koriki]

Hi Koriki,

When I lost a very close friend Jundo suggested saying the Heart Sutra for them.

I had searched around a bit and found this as well - it is from the San Fransisco Zen Center and is called:

When Blossoms Fall - A Zen Guide for Death & Dying

https://branchingstreams.sfzc.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Blossoms-Fall-Booklet_Edition3-printfinal.pdf

Gassho,

Shinshi

SaT-LaH

Thank you Shinshi. I remembered that you had posted it previously and forgot that I'd printed it out. It is quite good.
Gassho,
Koriki
s@lah

[Jundo]

I will be sitting for your friend, Koriki, and we will dedicate the retreat this weekend to your friend and all who cared for him.

Zazen is our core honoring of those who have passed. And, yes, the Heart Sutra is standard for all things. Light a candle or a stick of incense.

Apart from that, I do not believe in standard rituals for people, each of whom was an individual. I would recommend to do what speaks to your heart and remembrance of your friend ... reading something that reminds you of them, recalling some old stories of remembered times together, listening to music that you associate with them. That is enough.

Allow yourself to feel as you feel.

In our Priest Training area, by the way, we have a lesson for our priest trainees on structuring a funeral, and the history of Soto Zen funerals. You may wish to have a look.

Peace to your friend and all who loved him.

Gassho, Jundo
stlah

[Onki]

I’m so sorry Koriki.

I will sit for your friend, for you, and for your friend’s family and friends. Sending metta to you.

Gasshō,

On