Buddhist philosophy on self injurious behavior and suicide.

[ZenHarmony]

Two common components of suicidality, whether impulsive or planned, are being overwhelmed and being without hope.

That about sums it up. You can only put up with so much crap being dumped on you before you lose hope of it ever being better. And once you lose hope, really, what else is there to live for?

For people who are either easily overwhelmed by what to others might be slight emotional stress, or who have trauma histories so profound that the average person could not even conceive of the inner struggle they endure, self-harming behaviors without suicidal intent can become a sort of "release valve" that shifts the focus from an overwhelming mind state to the sharp clarity of physical pain sensation.

You cut to be able to feel something, anything, other than the numbness that gets you through the day, and that alone, the act of being able to feel is worth the pain.

Gassho,

Lisa

[lorax]

HI
I want to pick up on JC’s comment comparing the compelling need to hurt or destroy one’s self to cancer. I understand why this comparison is used however cancer is not a communicable disease. I believe the type of mental illness we have been discussing here is more like AIDS; it is like a virus that can spread to those that are most venerable living in a close relation to those that are afflicted.
Over the past eight years as a father and a grandfather I have watched the insidious spread of family destruction caused by my daughter in law’s depression, bi-polar, self-hate, disassociation and “self” destructive behavior. It is not a road traveled by the person who is ill, but one where everyone who loves or cares about the person is dragged along.
Over the last years Jundo’s advise, teachings and his just being there when I crash, have carried my wife and I through the tough times. Sharing this guidance with my son has also, up till recently, gave him strength to do his work and then come home to rescue the children, clean the house, cook dinner and give what support he can to his wife. It was recently I realized that his wife’s illness that she was fighting was not just her affliction, but a communicable disease. In the last couple of years my son contracted restrictive lung disease and as a result was removed from his position of managing the law enforcement horse operations at his duty station. He was placed in a job he was unqualified for and now is failing in that with a real threat of removal from his department. As a result he is now suffering from reactive depression. I relate this so you all will understand that like AIDS, healthy people can co-exist with a person afflicted with mental illness by taking a margin of care however if the care giver becomes ill and his body systems including his mind become vulnerable, then the affliction of the person they care for can spread.
Several months ago I contacted Jundo. I had earlier that evening received a call from my son who had just come out of a meeting with his departments Human Resource Specialist and was crying saying he had lost everything worthwhile, everything that gave him identity. We talked for a while and then he hung up after saying he was leaving the office to drive home but would probably find a convenient telephone poll on the way. I sat for a while, then contacted Jundo, then sat again waiting, and hoping my son would be the next person to call, and not a DPS officer.
I have been on the phone with my son each evening for the past couple of weeks. His wife took the kids and left him. She explained that she could not deal with his anger and depression. She could not deal with the disease that had now spread to my son and to their son. Yesterday she did return and hopefully will keep her agreement to enter into family counseling with my son.
So a long story, however since all the comments have been in relation to the condition of a person afflicted with mental illness leading to self-destructive behavior, I felt it was necessary to point out that it is a communicable disease, but like all such diseases one can protect themselves from it by remaining physically healthy and following the practices taught by Jundo and Taigu at Treeleaf.
Four years ago, Jundo gave me the dharma name Shozan (life mountain) recognizing my struggles in trying to care for myself and family. Sometimes it feels more like “life bog” than Life Mountain. Still “just sitting” is a wonderful practice that allows me to watch this life pass without being sucked down in the bog.
Peace be with all of you.

Jim

[Jundo]

Peace with you, Jim.

[Jiken]

Deep bows Jim and thank you for sharing this part of your life.

Gassho,

Daido

[Jinyo]

Thank you for sharing Jim and metta to you and your family.

Metaphors are tricky and don't always resonate. Mental illness likened to cancer doesn't quite work for me either - but that's just my subjective response.

I understand what you mean by contractable - it is worrying, painful, distressing, to cope with a loved one who has a mental illness but the teachings/practice do help.

It's past 2 in the morning here and I've taken another sleeping pill in the hope of a few hours sleep - the first didn't work! Worry and concern as I heard earlier today that a young relative of mine is self harming and had to be collected from school as she'd cut her wrist three times in the classroom.

The effects of family karma are running deep through my family just now - clearing my mum's house I've had to process a lot of difficult material - the karmic seeds of distress from the past that have affected future generations. It has made me think more on the way in which everything is connected and what might be done to heal and plant more positive seeds for the future. I feel we do this by standing by our families, friends and those in the wider world in their difficulties.

Metta to all who are supporting family members with mental health difficulties.

Gassho

Willow

[Mp]

Thank you Jim for sharing your story with us. Be well!

Gassho
Michael

[Jundo]

Four years ago, Jundo gave me the dharma name Shozan (life mountain) recognizing my struggles in trying to care for myself and family. Sometimes it feels more like “life bog” than Life Mountain. Still “just sitting” is a wonderful practice that allows me to watch this life pass without being sucked down in the bog.
Peace be with all of you.

Jim

Jim, my friend, today's Koan on Mt. Sumeru ... also life-mountain ... is dedicated to you, who embodies such in life's eruptions.

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?10335-BOOK-OF-EQUANIMITY-Case-19&p=89588#post89588

Gassho, Jundo

[Rich]

Jim, thank you for sharing this and much metta and prayers for your family. Seeing your son or daughter in suffering and distress is the most difficult situations to deal with. I don't know if it is communicable but we are most deeply affected by those around us and our inherited genes give us tendencies to react in sometimes negative ways. Hopefully this new day will be a gift to see a path to a better life.

[Daisho]

This is a powerful thread. Thank you for sharing your stories. I've had a form of depression that has been mostly lifted by therapy and antidepressants. Living in the present, a cornerstone of Buddhism, works!

[lorax]

Thanks to all
Fortunately my son is doing much better with meds, therapy and our frequent and long talks. His deep depression is situational, I think they call it “reactive depression” which hit him as he seemed to be losing everything and was most vulnerable. It is obvious that those suffering like his wife have a much deeper cause and perhaps cannot be cured but hopefully they can learn to live with it at some level that allows them relief for themselves and those close to them.
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread, while there are no answers it has helped to see the issue from other perspectives.
Jim

[Mp]

Thanks to all
Fortunately my son is doing much better with meds, therapy and our frequent and long talks. His deep depression is situational, I think they call it “reactive depression” which hit him as he seemed to be losing everything and was most vulnerable. It is obvious that those suffering like his wife have a much deeper cause and perhaps cannot be cured but hopefully they can learn to live with it at some level that allows them relief for themselves and those close to them.
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread, while there are no answers it has helped to see the issue from other perspectives.
Jim

Thanks for the update Jim, I am happy to hear your son is doing better.

Gassho
Michael

[Dokan]

Thanks to all
Fortunately my son is doing much better

Deep bows to your compassion and your son's peace.

Dokan

[Heisoku]

Thank you for sharing this Jim. We can never know what life may serve us and you show how this practice gives us the Way to face it. May your family be well and find peace. Metta.

[Jakudo]

Thank you so much for sharing this with us Jim, I have been touched by depression as well, and i am happy to hear your son is feeling somewhat better. It is very hard for people to be open about these sort of problems so you are an inspiration.
Gassho, Shawn.

[Myoku]

Jim,
like so many threads I missed this and your story. Take good
care of yourself, may you all find peace and health.
Gassho
Myoku