To die well

[Onsho]

Hello all.
I was listening to the Plum Village podcast last year, The Way Out Is In. The cohost Joe Confino said something to the effect that his lifes goal is to die well. Its been a very profound thought experiment for me. I wonder if you all may share a few lines of what it means to you to die well.

Gassho
Onshō
Satlah

[Rich]

If you are lucky enough to avoid a fatal accident then life is a slow death. So to die well would be totally accepting that until your last breath

sat/lah

[Jundo]

Yes, to accept conditions all along the way, including on one's death bed.

Even if I am writhing in pain on my death bed, I hope to accept that too. And to be joyous about it too.

Oh, and to have transcended the whole notion of time, "birth and death," but been there done that, so no worries.

I am also reminded of Bill Murray and the Dalai ...
.

.
Gassho, J
stlah

[Bion]

I have gotten to that age now where death is a topic often on my mind, cause of my parents who are getting to a certain age, and also cause I realize my own unstoppable free-falling in that direction. My wish is to live right now as awake as possible so that whenever my time comes, I can remain accepting and at ease, and I can look back and say I fully engaged in practice and made the most out of the scenery of my life.

Gassho
sat and lah

[Jundo]

I just had a nice comment from my dentist today (true story.) I asked him, having turned 64, if I will start to lose my teeth now.

He assured me that they look pretty good, so I will probably die with most of them still in my head, so not to worry.

Gassho, J
stlah

[PaulH]

I know a person who thinks about death almost every day. At times, the prospect of dying is so overwhelming they forget to live. It's like they "fore-live" the day of their death all the other days of their life which makes them at times slaves of that one day.
I don't want to devaluate the memento mori practice, I just I want to say for those thinking about death too much too often that both attachment to life and attachment to death are dukkha, aren't they?

Gassho
Paul
Sat today & Lent a hand

[Houzan]

To live is to die, so as we live every day, we die every day.
Therefore, to die well is to live well, to live gently.

Gassho, Hozan
Satlah

[Antonio]

Talking about Plum Village. Once I was reading a book of Thích Nhất Hạnh that he was talking about death but also about birth. After some research I found a little part of the book on internet.

---------

“Sometimes people ask you: "When is your birthday?" But you might ask yourself a more interesting question: "Before that day which is called my birthday, where was I?"

Ask a cloud: "What is your date of birth? Before you were born, where were you?"

If you ask the cloud, "How old are you? Can you give me your date of birth?" you can listen deeply and you may hear a reply. You can imagine the cloud being born. Before being born it was the water on the ocean's surface. Or it was in the river and then it became vapor. It was also the sun because the sun makes the vapor. The wind is there too, helping the water to become a cloud. The cloud does not come from nothing; there has been only a change in form. It is not a birth of something out of nothing.

Sooner or later, the cloud will change into rain or snow or ice. If you look deeply into the rain, you can see the cloud. The cloud is not lost; it is transformed into rain, and the rain is transformed into grass and the grass into cows and then to milk and then into the ice cream you eat. Today if you eat an ice cream, give yourself time to look at the ice cream and say: "Hello, cloud! I recognize you.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh, No Death, No Fear: Comforting Wisdom for Life

---------

Like flowers that appear in every spring and cease the existence in every fall, we appear and disappear in constant transformation.

Gassho!
SatLah

Antonio

[Ryumon]

To Philosophize Is to Learn How to Die, is what Montaigne said. It's been more of a topic in western philosophy than in eastern.

Here's an NYT article about the topic. (gift link)

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/11/o...04.Zgvk._1M5Oq Do6723&smid=url-share


Gassho,

Ryūmon (Kirk)

Sat Lah

[Kotei]

... if you all may share a few lines of what it means to you to die well.

I would like to die without fear - embracing change and the unknown. Letting go of what I perceive as Self.
Without attachments. Not clinging to that what needs doing or those I leave behind.
Knowing deep in my bones the oneness of all living and dead things which transcends individual existence.

I have a dear memory of visiting my old mentor in a different, but in some aspects very similar to ours, tradition.
I sat on his deathbed, the last day of his life and after some time of silently being together,
I asked if there is anything that needs doing and I can carry on for him. Anything that would make him feel more at ease with his situation.
With a faint smile he said that all is good and that if I continue our practice for the rest of my life, I will know.

Practicing our way, I am continuing what I started with him. I got a glimpse of what I hope to know when the time comes.

Gassho,
Kotei sat/lah today.

[Matt Johnson]

I have a lot of dreams of dying (or maybe just loosing consciousness?) in car crashes.

Whenever, I imagine my death I always imagine going out balls to the wall screaming.

But the chances are I'll probably die with a whimper in a nursing home like everybody else.

Luckily things are becoming more progressive with MAID in Canada, so that gives me hope.

_/\_

sat/ah

Matt

[Koriki]

This conversation comes up fairly often in my house as my wife is a hospice nurse. I suppose there are three main issues for me: how physically comfortable is my dying process, am I content with my relationships and what I have done with my life, and am I accepting of my death? Knowing a good amount about hospice I think I know what to expect here. Likely conscious and mostly comfortable until my last few days where, in order to be comfortable, I'll be in la la land. As for the second issue, I have been acutely aware of my impermanence for awhile now and have pretty much said what I would want to say to the important people in my life. The third issue is what I continue to work on. It's difficult to accept that my consciousness as I know it will cease to exist. I had a talk with my previous 81 year old Zen teacher about it and he said that as he gets older he sees death more like a friend that he will welcome when it comes. Yeah, I'm just not there yet. But as PaulH alluded to, I'm not going to let the grief over what I will lose ruin my now.

Gassho,

Koriki
s@lah

[Tai Shi]

It is true that at age 72 I think more about death than I did at age 22, or 32, or at 42, or at 52, oe at 62, but like all of us, death meant different things to me than it does now. At earlier times in my life, I had more living to do. Though I be 72, I still feel I have more living "to do." It's not that we cannot or forsee our own deaths butt that we see more living. I have been a member of Treeleaf Zendo for going on eight years. Early in my life all I wanted was to be a teacher and friend, and I expected to be a father. Marjorie and chose to be parents of one child, so many reasons go into such decisions. I am a poor speller, and though I worked at teaching for many years, I was not always at my best, nor when I put keyboard before me do I write flowing poetry or prose, so a young priest-in-training, do you call that usuri?, one can never be perfect in every enddevour, nor as one is learning does one expect to be perfect. So, be merry as you but learn. I myself, though always wanted ro be a writer and teacher, I took to heart Dr William Hotchkiss who was my meantor early on, that though not perfect, I do have a "way with words, "So I have earned four degrees," none are the doctorate as has bee the earned fortune of our daughter, and as I grew in college and university training, so more and more I grew into manhood, and it was not until I was 65, and truly began to study Buddhism, and of which I have bearly scratched the surfice, I did not publish my first book unto into my 60s, and second book in 2014, and I finished my third book onlythis year, and now I must decide how to publish, or if to publish in the fiuture. I do expect though there is no reward, I will keep writing, and though myself, do I suffer from dyslexia, and a host of malidies, I have worked to do my best, and at death all I wish is that someone says, "Ah, he was a good guy."
Gassho
Tai Shi

[Brett]

My wife and I had a pretty frank discussion about this topic last night. I am closer to the door than her by quite a lot, and lately I had been suffer more than usual because of some health issues. I told her flat out, most days I would wake up very pleased to have another day, very thankful for her and our children, and would strive to get better each day anew. But there are days, and moments, where you just want to go. When the pain is just overwhelming and it seems frustration is all you have left. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not suicidal in anyway, it’s a mix of exhaustion and frustration really with just being alive in your suffering.

She felt like maybe I don’t express those feelings to others enough, especially my side of the family. As a result we have some interesting notions about our life that these people have about us. I reminded her though that we are under no obligation to try and garner sympathy from anyone, and how they view our struggles is a them problem.

I think it is the human condition to think about such things and very natural to do, we all know there is a last stop for us all, enjoy the ride and just do the best you can for your fellow humans.

St/lah
Gassho
Brett

[Kokuu]

Hi Onsho

In Tibetan Buddhist practice there is a lot of focus on death, of visualising it and doing practices that prepare us for the eventually break own of our physical bodies. This focus I see as being twofold:

1. To grasp the importance of living right now and practicing, in the same way as the Zen evening gatha tells us not to squander our life as time is short.
2. To allow for a peaceful death when the time comes and, in that tradition, preparation for any lives ahead.

I tend to focus on living as best as I can and figure that death will largely take care of itself if I continue to practice opening to each moment as it comes. I may have a peaceful death or I may not. Mostly the dying process is a small part of our lives and Dogen's advice seems to be that when living, live totally, and when dying, give yourself completely to that. The Buddha way is not outside of birth and death. As he says in Shobogenzo Shoji:

[I]n Buddhism it is said that life itself is no-life. Death is also a position in time, and too has a before and after. So it is said that death itself is no-death. When it is called life, there is nothing but life. When it is called death, there is nothing but death. If life come, this is life. If death comes, this is death. There is no reason for your being under their control. Don't put any hope in them. This life and death are the life of the Buddha. If you try to throw them away in denial, you lost the life of the Buddha. You only cling to the appearance of the Buddha. If you neither deny Nor seek, you enter the mind of the Buddha for the first time.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoay/lah-