Existential Meltdowns

[disastermouse]

Speaking for myself, an explanation for a panic attack is at some level the fear of death of self either consciously or unconsciously. I perceive self as the thinking mind, the entire physical body or its parts, the wife, the children, the dogs, the cat, the job, the home, the food or my story which comprises all of the above. A perceived threat to any of the above causes me fear and possibly a panic attack. Breathing in and breathing out helps me let go of self and fear of death.

Hey John.

Have you ever had a panic attack?

Chet

[Jishin]

Chet,

I have had a few and they have mostly involved the fear of dissolution of the part of me related to being a doctor as I identify so much with the story of me which involves being a doctor. Who is John when he is not a doctor?

Zen helps me immensely with this question.

[Omoi Otoshi]

I have only had one. I wasn't sitting during that period, but I doubt I could have sat through it. Instead I poured a big glass of 95% alcohol (this was in a country where you can buy that stuff in the supermarket!), added some Kahlua and downed it in two gulps. It really does feel like you're about to die (and I don't mean the drink!).

/Pontus

[Jishin]

I have only had one. I wasn't sitting during that period, but I doubt I could have sat through it. Instead I poured a big glass of 95% alcohol (this was in a country where you can buy that stuff in the supermarket!), added some Kahlua and downed it in two gulps. It really does feel like you're about to die (and I don't mean the drink!).

/Pontus

I wish I could do the same and have a stiff drink when very nervous. I would take the first drink and the second drink would take me. I am a recovering alcoholic.

[Omoi Otoshi]

Ah, I see.
Well, I probably wouldn't do that again if I had another (but i can't be sure). And one of the reasons I had the panic attack in the first place was that I had a hangover. I had also been partying to much and sleeping too little.

Good to have you here John,
Pontus

[disastermouse]

I have only had one. I wasn't sitting during that period, but I doubt I could have sat through it. Instead I poured a big glass of 95% alcohol (this was in a country where you can buy that stuff in the supermarket!), added some Kahlua and downed it in two gulps. It really does feel like you're about to die (and I don't mean the drink!).

/Pontus

Yes. Mine were not very intellectual at all. I felt my chest was going to explode. It was pants-crapping terror and it left little room for exploration. When I sat zazen through the edge of a few, it was the edge. I remember one zazen moment where I got a little dizzy and almost passed out, but I just dissolved and it passed.

Chet

[Omoi Otoshi]

Yes, you are completely busy just feeling that terror, just dying.

I have only been scared once during Zazen. It was before my Soto days. I was sitting there silently chanting Mu. Then all of a sudden a powerful, dark, booming voice took over the chanting. It continued even after I stopped. That time I sat it out, but I can honestly admit it scared me shitless. I haven't had an auditory hallucination before or after that, during or outside of Zazen.

Gassho,
Pontus

[SyntaxJO]

Why do these things scare us shitless?

Yes, a hangover can trigger these things. In fact, a hangover, especially if it's a bad one, will always throw me into a low funk–I lose my sense of well being, and have the feeling that the world is after me–at about 4:00pm the following afternoon; almost like clockwork. This will happen especially if I mix in the wrong progression.

I make it a point never to drink when I'm depressed, concerned about something, or wigged out in some way; this includes being severely hungover. I drink mostly when I'm happy and/or celebrating (I celebrate many big and small victories , and I don't even drink then either.

[Jishin]

Ah, I see.
Well, I probably wouldn't do that again if I had another (but i can't be sure). And one of the reasons I had the panic attack in the first place was that I had a hangover. I had also been partying to much and sleeping too little.

Good to have you here John,
Pontus

Alcohol is a sedative. One becomes tranquil while under the influence, but when its effects wear off, anxiety levels increase. Sometime anxiety levels are very high to the point of a panic attack. Thus, a hangover could trigger a panic attack.

[Myoku]

SyntaxJO,
just to add what others said: I had panic attacks and have the occasionally but bringing myselv into some (a bit more) balanced state with zazen did help tremendously, just not overnight, I rather talk about years here (for myself). Take care
_()_
Myoku

[Risho]

Jo,

Are you a programmer? I thought you might be from your name 'SyntaxJO'. Anyway, I ask because I am a programmer, and i get a cold sense of dread at work from time to time. I literally feel the cold throughout my body. This gets brought on by things like uncertainty and fear in terms of why my code is not working the way I want it to work. It happens if i don't know the answer to something, but no one knows the answer. It happens if I'm not particularly busy; I actually start feeling as if I'm useless. These are all tricks of my ego; I love to be the center of attention.

I was also curious if you are a programmer because in talking to other programmers these feelings of dread can be normal. We are supposed to know everything about computers, right? hahaha

In any case, I can completely relate to you on this. Sometimes I feel worthless and down, or afraid and unsure. It's nothing that requires counseling, but I'm much more sensitive to my negative narration with practice. In fact I think that I never really noticed it as much until practice. I think it is a good thing, but it can be hard to go through those periods.

Thank you for sharing this.

Gassho,

Risho