Karmic kick in the butt

[ctpowers8]

I have recently received what I jokingly refer to as a "karmic kick in the butt", awhile back I was mugged and had pneumonia. Well I got an x-ray a couple weeks ago to see if I was on the mend and I I was told there were some abnormalities on the stomach and pre-aortic sack. So I did testing and it turns out I have stomach cancer and cancer on the pre-aortic sack. I have been processing this and getting second opinions and doing all the fun medical stuff when a week from last friday my vespa was stolen.So I kinda felt like the cosmoses kicking boy and to top it all off certain muslims and christians in my family said it was God punishing me and if I was a good buddhist why didn't Buddha protect me from my bad karma. Now their understanding of Buddhism and their own religions as well as compassion in general is shoddy it still hurt to hear them say those erroneous statements. So I have been spending my time dealing with the shock and depression that has come with these events. I first started to think about karma and realized that I first was not going to approach the situation from a karmic perspective because it has no bearing on my improving my health or getting my scooter back and also karma is all about perspective. If I was to deal with this in karmic terms I could see both the good and bad in it. If I approach the situation through buddhism and see it through the eyes of a boddhisatva cancer and dealing with the treatment will give me a chance for serious practice (reflecting on impermanence, metta, ect..) it will also give me a chance to be able empathize with others going through the treatment. Changing my perspective really allowed me to overcome my depression. Now even though I do see the positive I still have bouts of depression which is healthy and I am feeling a little of it now but I am righting this post not only to share with you my experience but also to remind myself of those positive. One the most difficult thing in dealing with this is all the complications medical bill and treatment effects, being positive but also honestly assessing the situation. I decide not to write about this on the forum until I had good handle on all four of the above complications. In regards to the treatment if anyone has any experience they want to share that helped them be it a way of thinking meditation or medication please contribute to this post it will be most appreciated. So as I stated before I have those people who were negative and on the other end of the spectrum I have those have been very sympathetic and some overly compassionate (If I didn't have scruples I could have received a new Mac). Others have been avoiding me I think because I am a walking reminder of human mortality. Now the scooter was icing on the cake. I at first wasn't honest and tried to tell myself "who cares everything's impermanent you can't take it with you".Through deep thought and meditation I realized that though I did need to let it go and not be attached to it I could still miss the scooter and I need to acknowledge my anger at the thieves and the hurt of loss before I could move on. The scooter was found this weekend but it was damaged but now I am waiting to see if it is repairable. These situations have in some way been blessings in disguise and I have grown from them. I know I have not completely come to terms with my medical problems and still have anger at the thieved and I don't know if I ever will completely be able to. What I do know is that zazen and the Buddha's teachings are integral to my positive outlook and coping mechanisms.Oh one last thing the most annoying thing is every one is asking if I am going to get my medical marijuana card and will I hook them up with free pot and since I don't smoke they get mad when I say no to them ( I find this way of thinking odd). Sorry for the long post
Gasho
Chris

[Jundo]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Dear Chris,

There are times when we must just cast out our arms, drop all resistance and let life's wind carry us where it will and wills.

We can do so even as we see the doctors, take our meds, give it a tough fight and hope for a quick recovery. All at once as one.

Boy, you are really where the rubber of this Way meets life's road! Man, you have had a couple of wild months, as if trying to pack all of Buddhism's mastery of lovely Wisdom and Compassion and "non-attachment" into an 8 week intensive course!!!! It could be Karma, it could be a few bad rolls of the dice. I sure don't believe for a minute God or Buddha is punishing you, but I know there is a lot to learn here about real Freedom! I feel in my heart of hearts that God and Allah and Buddha would all want you to see through the surface of these events to something that sweeps it all in, shining through these little trials.

All things to which we cling must be allowed to go as things will, for all is impermanent. Motor bikes, money in the wallet, people we love, our own bodies, everything.

We have several members of the Sangha who have been through some real health crises these past years. I hope that all of them will chip in here.

We will put you on our well-being list, and be chanting and sitting with all we've got for you.

You may not get that bike or money back, but will receive a real Treasure in turn that will take you anywhere! And as you recover your health, you will learn how to spend that Treasure very Wisely and Compassionately in this life.

Gassho, your friend, Jundo

PS - Let us also thank the robbers who beat you up and, thus, may have saved your life. We are all interconnected.

[Shokai]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Chris wrote;

What I do know is that zazen and the Buddha's teachings are integral to my positive outlook and coping mechanisms.

Wow, what strength of spirit ! Much metta to you, please know that we are pulling with you

[will]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Like all things. You can learn from it. I'm not going to talk about tolerance because I'm probably the least tolerant person you'll meet. Well, some moments.

Like all things it's a chance to learn. Zazen, life, impermanence, tolerance, compassion and so on.

Gassho, and take care. I'm pulling for you

[Hoyu]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Chris wrote:
Well I got an x-ray a couple weeks ago to see if I was on the mend and I I was told there were some abnormalities on the stomach and pre-aortic sack.

Hi Chris,
I'm with Jundo on this one!

Jundo wrote:
PS - Let us also thank the robbers who beat you up and, thus, may have saved your life. We are all interconnected.

This is the same first thought that came to my mind when I read through your post. The second thought was how lucky you were to have found Treeleaf at a time when you were going to need the support of a comminity. Much Metta to you in this difficult time! I want to write more but I'm almost out the door to work. Please know you will be in my thoughts.

Gassho,
John

[Dosho]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Chris,

I don't know what to say other than this: We're here for you for whatever we can offer you. Probably not a new Mac, but hopefully a sounding board, place to vent, and safe harbor when you need it. And of course metta, which doesn't immediately seem like much in light of what you are facing, but in fact is everything we can do in one moment for all beings.

We're with you.

Gassho,
Dosho

[Ekai]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

I am very inspired by how well you are handling this. I am not sure I could handle it as well as you are. I hope you can heal from all that you have experienced.

Thanks,
Jodi

[Myoku]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Dear Chris,
unfortunately I cannot provide much of help; I lost a family member
due to cancer, but my brother did survive its cancer, I'm familiar with
it only second hand, so to say.
Personally I think every illness is our body/mind's attempt to tell us
something, which might have gone wrong in our lives, though I must
admit its not always easy to find out what it is.

A year ago I read "The 9 priciples of self healing" which I found very
inspiring and quite close to my own buddhist practice, though it has
its specialities.

_()_
Peter

[Rev R]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

wow...just wow.

no poetic words of wisdom here. all the best to you and yours.

[ctpowers8]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Thank you all for your understanding and metta. I wasn't shure whether to post this here or in the life section but since I think zazen is for me intrinsically attached to my outlook and understanding and I wanted to share my experiences through the eyes of my practice and hear others I felt this is the best forum. I do feel blessed that I found treeleaf and even if I am to sick or having difficulty codifying my thoughts due to medications and treatments I due find solace in reading the post that others put up hear and being connected to this sangha. When I first got the news shock, fear, depression and a plethora of other thoughts and emotions kept me from being fully present in the forums here. I think one of the things that I have found interesting is that I heard people come in to therapy and say depression was keeping them from doing stuff and then they would be depressed because they weren't doing stuff but I had never truly experienced that until now. I am also blessed that I have insurance both medical and for my scooter so financially I will not suffer but the greatest boon is that I have many of you who have written me here or through PM and I know I will not go through this alone. Thank you very much. I will say that in all honesty the opening post sounds strong and some days I feel that way but other days I am just aspiring to have that strength. John if I remember correctly you work in a hospital in ER. I don't know if you have heard about herpectin the doctors said it would help in alleviating some of the symptoms of chemo and radiation. I know it is given to breast cancer patients and I have read many positive things about it. I was just wondering if you have any thoughts on the medication. There is so much that goes on with this situation but I would like to summarize what I have learned and have been trying to practice and feel (though it is not always the case)
Gasho and metta to all at treeleaf who have been kind and welcoming to me. Teaching me humbleness and bringing back the beginner mind that pride of 15 years of practice had hidden.
Gasho and metta to my attackers who taught me that had situations differed I may have been in their shoes. They helped water the seeds of compassion in me
Gasho to my knee which taught me to treasurer my sitting meditation and allowed me the opportunity to learn sewing meditation
Gasho to pneumonia which taught me patience and allowed me to find the cancer in my body
Gasho to my cancer which is allowing me to see my own impermanence and is teaching me to many things to write down.
I will end my post here for the sake of brevity. I want to thank you all again and I want to apologize in advance if my post seem jumbled I am on a medication for anxiety and other for pain and they seem to effect my cognitive processing as well as making me drowsy.
Gasho
Chris

[Shohei]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Wow Chris I have nothing I can say to help really.
I thank you for your teaching and many deep bows to you for sharing.
You are in my metta (as are your attackers, the thief and all who are suffering) and thoughts and we are here for you in any way we can be.

Gassho
Shohei

[Tb]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Hi.

If there is anything, we are here.
Always.

Mtfbwy
Fugen

[Taigu]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Hi Chris,

I am here too. It is very hard. Take great care. Many people go through what you are going through now. You now have a great teacher at home. A wonderful enemy too. Fight hard and with warmth. The practice of Tonglen comes to mind. Also, this woman Zen teacher, a French lady, who survived and has a great take on this, she says that it helped her to realize how kannon was present in every single dded of life, we could every nurse, every smile, every sky as a manifestation of kannon helping her, healing her and loving her.

Not two, all along


gassho


Taigu

[Risho]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

Wow. Much metta to you man, and thank you for giving so much during such a time as this. We are here with you. If you ever need anything, just write me.

Gassho,

Risho

[Rimon]

Re: Karmic kick in the butt

I'm here too Chris.
Lots of metta and a deep bow for the courage to share this.

Gassho

Rimon