Re: Getting mad fits sometimes
I want to be very careful here about my point, or points, which are * below:
*My take-away from when I studied the precepts as part of Jukai was that to be angry was not good, but that being passionate about something was good, but the line between passion and anger can be a thin one, thus the dance. But it’s hard to dance with anger if you don’t acknowledge the music of anger that we all have in our lives.
*As a very fallible human being that is not yet a fully realized Buddha (as I suspect you are also), I am subject to anger; I have not yet transcended it, and it’s highly unlikely I ever will. As such, I believe it is better to acknowledge and accept my anger than try to suppress it. Anger can be an honest expression, thus okay. But it’s not okay to get trapped by it, caught up in it, because then I am clearly violating the precepts.
*To be averse to anger seems dishonest, thus piling delusion on top of delusion, not good. On the other hand, to be aware of anger allows you some control over it so that you won’t get caught up in it and can then let it go. There are times in our life where we are going to get angry, so it fits in our life in those times and places, but this is no excuse to live an angry life. Be angry; then move on. Think of it as bad tea; you make it, drink it, and move on from it trying to make better tea ever after.
*To be simplistic about anger is to miss the point. First of all, no emotion is that simple. Second of all, anger is really complicated. A prime example is how anger can come from love, as any parent can tell you when talking about how much they love children yet they also are inevitably infuriated by those damn/great kids. Honest expressions of anger can tell you a lot about yourself as well as be an effective means of communicating with others. We all learned a lot from our parents’ expressions of anger, and for most of us that was good and important stuff, though possibly painful in more ways than one. It's that early history that sets us up for how we deal with anger (or not) later on, which is exactly what we need to be aware of.
*Dosho, I have a very free class as far as expression goes. The message I unceasingly try to convey is that they are to contribute as honestly and often to me as I do the same to them. In that context, my anger at my students was entirely unpremeditated and totally honest in that moment, and it effectively conveyed to them my passion for the topic and their responsibilities as students. Once that moment was over, I then tried for the rest of the day to let it go, and it took all day to do that. But I was aware enough to not get too caught up in it any more than I already was. Again, I am just another fallible human trying to deal with things the best I can. Could I have handled that situation better? Probably. Would suppressing my anger have been healthy for me? I don’t think so (see below for more about this). Would suppressing my anger have been helpful for them? It’s hard to say, but probably not because life involves responsibility and consequences and sometimes this needs to be conveyed in strong terms. Such is the day-to-day delusionary reality we live in and must acknowledge. Also, and maybe more importantly, or at least more personally, I have no kids except for these students, and my attitude toward them is often parental care and concern, so in a way I was just mad they ran out into the street without looking for cars, which in this case was doing a simple yet important homework assignment.
The main reason I started this thread was because I have just recently become aware of just how angry I am. As I said in my original post, I have spent most of my life suppressing anger, and that was functional for me for all that time. But no more. I’ve been living a lie in regards to anger and I just can’t live that way any longer because it’s been eating me up from the inside out. What am I angry about? To keep this short, let’s just say disability related issues such as the death of many friends and the mistreatment of them and the living by society. It’s been a passionate issue for most of my life, but I am just now beginning to hear the music of that anger, just now learning how to dance with it. And when I say just now, I mean within the past couple weeks or so, which means lots of dancing missteps, and that’s okay. We learn from our mistakes, such is their blessing upon us.
Anger fits in my life somewhere, of this I am sure, and now I am working on the how and where of that fitting process. My guess is that I am not without dance partners here.
Thanks for listening
Just don’t be angry at me, because I will totally kick your ass! :twisted:
I want to be very careful here about my point, or points, which are * below:
*My take-away from when I studied the precepts as part of Jukai was that to be angry was not good, but that being passionate about something was good, but the line between passion and anger can be a thin one, thus the dance. But it’s hard to dance with anger if you don’t acknowledge the music of anger that we all have in our lives.
*As a very fallible human being that is not yet a fully realized Buddha (as I suspect you are also), I am subject to anger; I have not yet transcended it, and it’s highly unlikely I ever will. As such, I believe it is better to acknowledge and accept my anger than try to suppress it. Anger can be an honest expression, thus okay. But it’s not okay to get trapped by it, caught up in it, because then I am clearly violating the precepts.
*To be averse to anger seems dishonest, thus piling delusion on top of delusion, not good. On the other hand, to be aware of anger allows you some control over it so that you won’t get caught up in it and can then let it go. There are times in our life where we are going to get angry, so it fits in our life in those times and places, but this is no excuse to live an angry life. Be angry; then move on. Think of it as bad tea; you make it, drink it, and move on from it trying to make better tea ever after.
*To be simplistic about anger is to miss the point. First of all, no emotion is that simple. Second of all, anger is really complicated. A prime example is how anger can come from love, as any parent can tell you when talking about how much they love children yet they also are inevitably infuriated by those damn/great kids. Honest expressions of anger can tell you a lot about yourself as well as be an effective means of communicating with others. We all learned a lot from our parents’ expressions of anger, and for most of us that was good and important stuff, though possibly painful in more ways than one. It's that early history that sets us up for how we deal with anger (or not) later on, which is exactly what we need to be aware of.
*Dosho, I have a very free class as far as expression goes. The message I unceasingly try to convey is that they are to contribute as honestly and often to me as I do the same to them. In that context, my anger at my students was entirely unpremeditated and totally honest in that moment, and it effectively conveyed to them my passion for the topic and their responsibilities as students. Once that moment was over, I then tried for the rest of the day to let it go, and it took all day to do that. But I was aware enough to not get too caught up in it any more than I already was. Again, I am just another fallible human trying to deal with things the best I can. Could I have handled that situation better? Probably. Would suppressing my anger have been healthy for me? I don’t think so (see below for more about this). Would suppressing my anger have been helpful for them? It’s hard to say, but probably not because life involves responsibility and consequences and sometimes this needs to be conveyed in strong terms. Such is the day-to-day delusionary reality we live in and must acknowledge. Also, and maybe more importantly, or at least more personally, I have no kids except for these students, and my attitude toward them is often parental care and concern, so in a way I was just mad they ran out into the street without looking for cars, which in this case was doing a simple yet important homework assignment.
The main reason I started this thread was because I have just recently become aware of just how angry I am. As I said in my original post, I have spent most of my life suppressing anger, and that was functional for me for all that time. But no more. I’ve been living a lie in regards to anger and I just can’t live that way any longer because it’s been eating me up from the inside out. What am I angry about? To keep this short, let’s just say disability related issues such as the death of many friends and the mistreatment of them and the living by society. It’s been a passionate issue for most of my life, but I am just now beginning to hear the music of that anger, just now learning how to dance with it. And when I say just now, I mean within the past couple weeks or so, which means lots of dancing missteps, and that’s okay. We learn from our mistakes, such is their blessing upon us.
Anger fits in my life somewhere, of this I am sure, and now I am working on the how and where of that fitting process. My guess is that I am not without dance partners here.
Thanks for listening
Just don’t be angry at me, because I will totally kick your ass! :twisted:
Comment