The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

[Amelia]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

What triggers various emotions?

Things not going "perfectly" for me will set me off inside.

What reactions and behavior do they set off in you?

Frustration at not having things done the way I wanted them to be and when I wanted them to be.

When you meet someone in your family about whom you hold strong emotions, watch.

The first person that comes to mind is my sister. Most things I say to her are in an effort to lecture or direct.

When you get a red light when late for work, watch.

This is usually something I am quite patient about.

When someone says something with which you strongly disagree, watch

I usually feel a strong urge to respond, but lately I can let it go. I prefer not to get into debates as much as before.

When someone says something flattering to you. watch.

I always feel like I don't handle it well!

When someone says something insulting to you, watch.

I always feel defensive, for sure!

Yesterday my son got off the bus with two red marks on his face, one a scratch right near his eye, the other a very small cut on his cheek. I think I've found ways to observe and even control some of my reactions, but that was a new one. Is he hurt? Who did it? What happened? Is he ok? Am I ok?

Lol, I hope your son is alright. Is it for sure that he is being bullied, or did he just have some kind of accident?

[Dosho]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

Lol, I hope your son is alright. Is it for sure that he is being bullied, or did he just have some kind of accident?

Hi Amelia,

He's fine, thanks for asking! I don't think it was bullying, but that's where my mind went since my wife and I both had trouble with that at school...so bad in my case that I didn't go back to achool after half of 7th grade (and my wife's may have been just as bad and she just dealt with it better than I). I think it just goes to show how easily we can project our feelings and emotions about our past on to our kids' experiences in the here and now. Mind theatre indeed!

Gassho,
Dosho

[Amelia]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

I was bullied a bit too, so I'm sorry to hear about you and your wife. I can see exactly why you might be projecting that. I do it all the time myself, but in a different way because my fault is seeing a lot of bad in situations that don't have to be.

Heh, if he really is getting in some little brawls, I'm sure at that young it is very easy to put a quick stop to if the teachers know about it.

But, of course, I'm sure he probably just took a little tumble off a swing or something. I hate the idea of little ones getting into fights.

[Dosho]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

I was bullied a bit too, so I'm sorry to hear about you and your wife. I can see exactly why you might be projecting that. I do it all the time myself, but in a different way because my fault is seeing a lot of bad in situations that don't have to be.

Heh, if he really is getting in some little brawls, I'm sure at that young it is very easy to put a quick stop to if the teachers know about it.

But, of course, I'm sure he probably just took a little tumble off a swing or something. I hate the idea of little ones getting into fights.

Unfortunately, he came home with another cut on his face and it's a boy from his class who hit him both times. Going through a lot of emotions now...not sure I'll be able to do nurturing seeds which is up next, but I hope so. Maybe I'll just stick with observing mind theatre for now...plenty of it at the moment.

Thanks for your kind words Amelia.

Gassho,
Dosho

[Amelia]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

I'm sure that once attention is raised to the issue, the offending boy will be suspended. Take some pictures of your son's face. Call the other boys' parents. Threaten to take legal action... Haha, oops, I am taking this too personally!

Do what you want. =) You are his father and you do know best.

Gassho

[Dokan]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

Dosho,

Being a very active parent in my twin 8 year olds lives this really has hit home. They have not been in this situation, but around friends who have bullied friends. I have been reading your Practice Partner Exercises recently but hadn't participated. Your personal experience has brought them home and I will contemplate these emotional triggers as well. I had begun during a recent outing with my family to see some trains and have dinner...two days before Christmas. At that time, it felt like a nightmare. But to be honest, this thread and particularly this post helped me to analyze and compartmentalize each moment and after a short analysis bring my emotions back to centre. Granted, being late, cut off in traffic, stuck in an HOV lane, having grumpy kids, etc, etc is not a emotionally challenging as what you have experienced, but maybe the point is the same. Being aware of each emotion, accepting it and letting it be just what it is. It seems, at least in my mind, the compounding of emotions is what brings much suffering to me.

While I hope you find peace with your situation, I also hope it helps strengthen our practice.

Gassho and thank you for sharing,

Shawn

[Dosho]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

Shawn,

I am graetful that my posts offered you some perspective in your practice and perhaps some peace as well.

As for me, I needed to step away for a couple days from the forum while I dealt with the incident with my son. There wasn't all that much to be done in relation to the incident itself, but I did have to deal with the emotional repercussions for my son, my wife, and for myself. Of those three my son seemed the least affected by leaps and bounds as he didn't hesitate to head to school following either of the incidents. My wife and I, on the other hand, brought so much of our past into the present that would have been better left in the past. But that's not quite how this world works, is it? I am eternally grateful to everyone here at Treeleaf who has helped me develop my practice over the years.

So, after a bit of a break I'll be starting up the rest of the exercsies, although I'll have to break my 12 day theme just a bit. I think that'll be just fine...as the perfectionist in me grumbles in the background. :lol: I'll be home for at least a couple more days and then on the road soonthereafter as the weather dictates. I'll read the rest of the exercsies tonight and apply them over the next week as the situation deems appropriate. And when dealing with extended family, appropriate times may be plentiful.

Gassho,
Dosho

[Dosho]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

On the tenth day of practice partner exercises, our priests in training gave to us...a breath of fresh air!

Here's a link to practice partner exercise #10:

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3116

If you have any thoughts to share on this exercise or the previous ones, feel free to chime in any time!

[Dosho]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

On the eleventh day of practice partner exercises, our priests in training gave to us...a zazen quiz!

Here's a link to practice partner exercise #11:

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3142

If you have any thoughts to share on this exercise or the previous ones, feel free to chime in any time!

[Dosho]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

On the final day of practice partner exercises, our priests in training gave to us...a review!

Here's a link to practice partner exercise #12:

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3169

If you have any thoughts to share on this exercise or the previous ones, feel free to chime in any time!

[Tb]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

Hi.

The first excercise was about getting a ”partner” get to know him and you.
Sadly we weren't good enough at explaining what we meant by whats your edge, but as we're doing this for the first time, we claim an understanding readers understanding of our missteps...

You got some questions to work from and then we're off!
We will do the excercises one by one,as you have had a chance to start on your own, just follow along if you so choose.

Gassho and Mtfbwy
Shohei & Fugen

[Dosho]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

Fugen,

Glad this thread was of help to you! This coming week I'll be finishing off my posts as I finally had my holidays with the extended family. Lots of good practice is happening!

Gassho,
Dosho

[Tb]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

Hi.

The second practice was about getting to know a bit more, share an meal and gratitude.
All these things are important in our practice, not just only the excercises.
U were to eat in silence and cook something u liked and something u didn't like, all in the spirit of getting to know.
The thing was realizing the difference, if any, between what u felt about the things u did, and maybe getting an feeling for how things could be.

Now we're not saying this is an easy thing.
It might take you lots of times to do this practice over and over and over, because it takes practice, and u still might never get it, who knows...
thats the thing, practice wont stop just because the Ango is over, these practices are still here, use them.

Gassho and Mtfbwy
Shohei & Fugen

[Tb]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

Hi.

The third excercise in an extension of one of Fugen's favourite Dogen lines, it's from the Tenzoky?kun:

An ancient said "when steaming the rice, regard the pot as your own head; when washing the rice know that the water is your own life.

And Jundo kindly brought it up as he was talking about the Tenzo kyokun a couple of years ago, here's the link:
http://www.treeleaf.org/sit-a-long/with ... fugen.html

Added to that we had another line from the Tenzokyokun,

...Carefully watch with clear eyes that not one grain is wasted; then put in a pot, light the fire, and steam the rice.

First up is making an meal mindfully and with great care.
Next thing is eating slowly, exploring the eating and the food.
This, we believe, is not something we are used to do, neither the unrashfulness of the first part nor the slow pace of the second, in our lives today.
Although things like this excercise has been the craze in some cultures and is most often used in different mindfulness societies and sanghas associated with for example Thich Nhat Hanh.
An shorter extension that you might try out is eating a raisin.
Do this by first exploring it in your hand, looking at it, feeling it, and the putting it in your mouth and examining it there thoroughly before swallowing it.

The practice is much about being mindful of what goes on and is experienced.
Now, we had some different experiences regarding this excercise, and they're all good.
It is perfectly normal to stand there and be rashful and want to do this and this and this as at the same time it is equally good to just see the thoughts come rumbling on.
The question is what do you do about it?

Gassho and Mtfbwy
Shohei & Fugen

[Tb]

Re: The 12 Days of Practice Partner Exercises!

Hi.

The fourth ecxcercise is doing the dishes!
We've all done some cleaning up in our lives, now we do it with a twist. :twisted:
Actually, if you just get into the habit, it makes washing so much more fun...

Some notes on the excercise is that you should clean up around the sink before getting to the dishes, because, as in fengshui, there is something about open, clean spaces.
Next you might want to just have one plate (or whatever your washing) in the sink, much like the Kyudobowman only carrying one arrow, as he's about to go and shoot.

Some people feel a lot of stress as they do this excercise in the beginning, and we might not encourage doing it with all your kids running around your legs either.
The stress is normal, because we are, sometimes, not use to taking the time to reallly do things like this.
Better to wait a bit into the evening and when everything settles down, go do the dishes.
And thats the secret behind the excercise, do the dishes.
Nothing else.

Gassho and Mtfbwy
Shohei & Fugen