Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

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  • Stephanie

    Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

    When we are being perfectionists, we are acting with total faith in the self, total faith that with enough effort and training, we can make the self into exactly what we think it should be. We think we can make it function exactly how it 'should' function.

    Of course, the Buddha's discovery was that this self that we have so much faith in does not exist. There is no "absolute essence of me" that can be made perfect. The self arises in the field of perception in the same way a mirage does. Certain conditions cause our brain to perceive something that is not actually there. All we are, all the self is, is an expression of conditions.

    When we think, "I should have been better than that," or "I should have been more of a Buddha," when thinking about how we got angry when that person cut us off, we are in the thrall of a narcissistic delusion, that we are so special we should not react the same way an ordinary person does to a situation.

    The Buddha's discovery was not a hopeless one. What the Buddha discovered gave him the freedom not to be a slave to conditions, gave him the freedom to imagine and make different responses, the same as Jesus (William Blake described Jesus as an avatar of Imagination): if someone harms us, we can forgive and wish them well instead of lash out and harm them in return.

    But this ability to act differently doesn't come out of guilt or self-punishment. It doesn't come out of worship of the self. It comes out of dropping worship of the self. The same act (dropping the self) that allows us to accept and forgive ourselves for being angry causes the anger to fade more quickly, because who or what are we defending? It's not that we force ourselves to "be better than that" and not flip someone off and tell them to fuck their mother, it's that when the desire to do so arises, it feels absurd, and we don't do it because we don't want to. And when we do want to, we admit it to ourselves, and accept the consequences if we choose to do it.

    Waking up is not about making myself into a saint. It is about seeing what is actually going on. When I see what is actually going on, the desire to do a lot of stupid shit falls away. Not all the time, because some days I am too addled by the heat, too exhausted, too psychologically wounded to see clearly or act from a place of equipoise. And I can see and accept that, because I no longer believe in the Gilded Self, the transcendent entity that is Me and that is Better than Others. Like all other beings, I find myself caught at a nexus of various conditions. These do not have to dictate my response, but they will inform it, because I cannot remove my self from those conditions. Take those conditions away, and that self goes away too. Because my self is not some solid, unchanging entity that is independent of circumstances. It is instead, the expression of circumstances.

    How is it then that we can ever act creatively, rather than simply react instinctively? It is because there is a part of us that can override instinct--what Blake called our Imagination. But this part of ourselves is not the self, it is not a self at all. It is not a transcendent 'True Self.' It is just the Tao, just the way things are when stripped of the illusion of a self. Our ability to look at, respond to, and act in a set of circumstances not from the perspective of a self, but from a perspective of the situation as a whole. When we see how all the different players and parts of a situation act as a whole, we are free to act based on how we think we can make the best result overall, rather than how we think we can make the best result for Me. This frees us to see how giving up the best spot for ourselves might make someone else happier than holding on to the best spot would have made us. It frees us to see how a peaceful or harmonious result could play out overall if we don't defend and attack from the perspective of self. And sometimes, it frees us to see that taking care of ourselves is what needs to be done, because just as we are not unnecessarily defending the self, nor are we unnecessarily attacking it either.

    We are not "spirits in a material world." We are not Selves that can become ever more Perfect. We are mammals, mortals, in a violent and constantly changing world. Our saving grace is not a transcendent soul, but imagination. We can imagine, and act, and make a different world. But we can't escape it or rise above it, we can't become breathatarians or catch a ride to Alpha Centauri. As Buddhists, we have freedom from the wretched delusion of sainthood, which has led so many people of noble sentiments to do such atrocious things, thinking themselves appointed by God to do them. No, we are free to be our perfectly imperfect selves, knowing that the self is no more a thing of substance than a rainbow.
  • Risho
    Member
    • May 2010
    • 3179

    #2
    Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

    Right on! I struggle with this point of practice a lot, A LOT... I'm constantly going from one extreme to another, trying, trying trying... I shouldn't be thinking, I shouldn't be angry... but that just makes me a "fake" reflection of who I am. Gotta just let it be. I'm not saying be passive, but take real action based on the circumstances instead of fettering myself with all these ideals.

    This reminds me of what Taigu spoke about in the fourth Oxherding Picture where we lead the Ox, I'm trying to guide my practice instead of just letting it be.

    Excellent post Stephanie, I need re-read this for a while!

    Thank you

    Cyril
    Email: risho.treeleaf@gmail.com

    Comment

    • Stephanie

      #3
      Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

      Thanks cyril

      Gassho

      Comment

      • Rich
        Member
        • Apr 2009
        • 2614

        #4
        Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

        Seeing things as conditioned arising frees the self but it doesn't do away with it. There is something and I CALL IT MYSELF. Maybe we are just playing games with words. Maybe I understand one but not two. Maybe it doesn't really matter as long as you can just do it and cut off all your thinking about it.
        /Rich
        _/_
        Rich
        MUHYO
        無 (MU, Emptiness) and 氷 (HYO, Ice) ... Emptiness Ice ...

        https://instagram.com/notmovingmind

        Comment

        • ghop
          Member
          • Jan 2010
          • 438

          #5
          Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

          Originally posted by Stephanie
          Waking up is not about making myself into a saint. It is about seeing what is actually going on. When I see what is actually going on, the desire to do a lot of stupid shit falls away.
          Had you said nothing more than these three sentences,
          still you would've spoken volumes. There are is so much
          good teaching here at Treeleaf. Sometimes I just have
          to pause and give thanks for being a very small, very
          unripe leaf on such a vibrant branch as the one that
          Jundo and Taigu tend to daily. Stephanie, you sound
          so ripe that you are ready to fall. Deep bows. Thanks.

          gassho gassho gassho
          Greg

          Comment

          • Stephanie

            #6
            Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

            Rich - my experience/understanding is that the self is a perceptual trick, like a visual illusion (such as the "rotating snakes" illusion). But like visual illusions, even after you see the elements that contribute to the illusion and that the image is an illusion, you continue to see the illusion (the "snakes" continue to appear as if they are rotating), because that is always how your brain will interpret that information.

            Greg - thanks so much for the positive feedback. I'm glad the post resonated with you. I think I've got a lot of ripening to do yet, but who knows :wink: I learn a lot from you too.

            Comment

            • Jronin

              #7
              Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

              Wow!
              The only thing I can really say is thank you for the post.
              I've read so much literature that seems to try to convince the reader that their inherent self does not exist, and here, you just explained it so plainly and succinctly, that it seems obvious.
              I'm going to be thinking about this for a while.

              Gassho,
              Jim

              Comment

              • disastermouse

                #8
                Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

                This no-self thing is tricky business. As a concept, it seems alternately to appeal and repel. On seeing it, non-conceptually, it's not a problem at all.

                That is, it's sort of a bogey-man.

                Chet

                Comment

                • Bids
                  Member
                  • Mar 2008
                  • 56

                  #9
                  Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

                  You say it so well and so clearly Stephanie ..... such a beautiful healing voice in our sangha.
                  Bless you.
                  Gassho, Nadi

                  Comment

                  • Jinyu
                    Member
                    • May 2009
                    • 768

                    #10
                    Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

                    Hi everyone!
                    Thank you for this VERY inspiring post! As often Stephanie was the one behind the keyboard... Are you a writer or something?

                    Well Thank you again!
                    I'd better get back to sitting,

                    gassho,
                    Luis-Jinyu
                    Jinyu aka Luis aka Silly guy from Brussels

                    Comment

                    • Jundo
                      Treeleaf Founder and Priest
                      • Apr 2006
                      • 40351

                      #11
                      Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

                      Originally posted by Jronin
                      Wow!
                      The only thing I can really say is thank you for the post.
                      I've read so much literature that seems to try to convince the reader that their inherent self does not exist, and here, you just explained it so plainly and succinctly, that it seems obvious.
                      I'm going to be thinking about this for a while.

                      Gassho,
                      Jim
                      I thank Stephanie for this gorgeous and rich post.

                      If it is helpful on the subject of "inherent self does not exist", today's sit-a-long happens to be about the traditional Buddhist model for how the sense of 'self/other' develops in the mind of the newborn child (with myself ham acting it all out ... as the baby!) :roll:

                      http://www.shambhalasun.com/sunspace/?p ... more-17336

                      Gassho, J
                      ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

                      Comment

                      • KellyRok
                        Member
                        • Jul 2008
                        • 1374

                        #12
                        Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

                        Hello all,

                        Stephanie - I'm always amazed at the depth and sincerity of your words. Such a beautiful and spot-on analysis. You have such a gift and I'm glad you share it with us. Even after many years of practice, I doubt I'll ever manage to convey my thoughts as easily as you convey yours.

                        This was my favorite part:
                        We are not "spirits in a material world." We are not Selves that can become ever more Perfect. We are mammals, mortals, in a violent and constantly changing world. Our saving grace is not a transcendent soul, but imagination. We can imagine, and act, and make a different world.
                        Truly wonderful!

                        Gassho,

                        Kelly-Jinmei

                        Comment

                        • Risho
                          Member
                          • May 2010
                          • 3179

                          #13
                          Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

                          ok so I just created a separate topic on self/no self because I'm utterly confused about it, and this thread totally inspired it.

                          But the imagining piece... who is doing the imagining if there is no self?
                          Email: risho.treeleaf@gmail.com

                          Comment

                          • Kent
                            Member
                            • Feb 2008
                            • 193

                            #14
                            Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

                            Stephanie, a clear and lovely post. Thank you. Gassho Kent

                            Comment

                            • Tb
                              Member
                              • Jan 2008
                              • 3186

                              #15
                              Re: Perfectionism: Faith in the Self, Faith in an Illusion

                              Hi.

                              Originally posted by Stephanie
                              No, we are free to be our perfectly imperfect selves, knowing that the self is no more a thing of substance than a rainbow.
                              This self is bowing deeply.
                              Gashho.

                              Mtfbwy
                              FUgen
                              Life is our temple and its all good practice
                              Blog: http://fugenblog.blogspot.com/

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