Practice in Daily Life

[JohnsonCM]

Taigu responded to a post I made in the "Is Zazen the highlight of your day?" thread, that leads me to a question, or rather a request for tips on how to deepen my practice. Taigu said,

Trying is extra. Trying is misleading, I am afraid. Allow your practice to flow into your life and let your life turn into practice, allow the moment where you cannot separate one from the other. That's practice. Otherwise you are pretty caught up in the trying and trying again.

I feel that the path I am on is helping me to a greater understanding of the Dharma everyday, but I do not feel that this is enough. There are still times when I won't let another car in front of me at an intersection because I'm in a rush and I'll think afterwards, " Well that wasn't very compassionate of me." or my son will be sitting behind me on the couch and regardless of how many times I have told him to cover his mouth when he sneezes, will sneeze directly overtop of me and cover me in snot (true story) and I will loose my temper and later think, "That was not in keeping with the Precept on Anger." Sometimes a person will cut me off in traffic and I will curse them and stew about it for the rest of the day, knowing full well that they might have been in an emergency (they might have cut me off to take their son to the hospital for all I know), and if they didn't have an emergency and just cut me off because they felt like it, I know that that karma and the karma of their other actions is theirs to bear. Later, sometimes much later, I'll think about that and feel bad for how I reacted in the moment, what if they really did have an emergency? How could I not be understanding? What if they cut me off because they were just trapped by their delusions and desires? How unfortunate for them, how I wish I could help them get free from that. But that's only later. In that moment, and sometimes for a while afterwards, I react as though I did before coming to the Way.

So, my question is..... How do you guys and gals keep the faith in your every day lives? What helps you to speak and act from a place of buddha-nature, when things pop up through out the day? How do you live your practice? And do you have set backs? Or rather, is it as difficult for any of you as it seems to sometimes be for me?

[em]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Hello Johnson,
Thank you for your post. I too think a lot about how to keep my practice present through out the day.

I've found that for me, it is important to try to create a lot of space, in time and in mind. I try to make sure I won't be a in a hurry or have too many things going. I'm much less likely to loose my grounding in practice if I have plenty of time to deal with whatever comes up, whether it is to be able to listen carefully to what someone has to say or to handle an emergency or mistake.

Something else I do is to make sure I practice in the morning so that I can carry that with me through out the day. Listening to a dharma talk, for example from San Francisco Zen Center, can also help remind me of my practice and the precepts. Often when I wait for elevators or wait in line for things I am reminded of practice and try to return to my breath for a bit.

That said, I still struggle and can identify quite a bit with Taigus comment.

Gassho,
em

[disastermouse]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

So, my question is..... How do you guys and gals keep the faith in your every day lives? What helps you to speak and act from a place of buddha-nature, when things pop up through out the day? How do you live your practice? And do you have set backs? Or rather, is it as difficult for any of you as it seems to sometimes be for me?

The essential problem is wholeheartedly believing 'this should not have happened'. Delusion is the root of anger, but when anger is there, anger is there.

It's further delusion to look at anger and say, "You - anger - you shouldn't be there'. Also delusion to say, 'Anger is here, I must express it'. Also delusion to say, 'Anger, I expressed it and should not have.'

The cup, once broken may be fixable, but instead we further smash it to bits. Nonetheless, it's never unrecoverable - just stop smashing.

Chet

[ghop]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Hey Johnson.

You're right. It is hard. I don't know how to do it. I try and fail everyday.
Every...single...day. But I try to keep in mind what Jundo said about
mindfulness, that no one can do it 24/7. We're not supposed to. That
would be a narrow and unnatural way to live. The fact is, sometimes I
am selfish, sometimes I am selfless. Both are aspects of who I am.
But the more I sit, like you said, the more aware I become of these
episodes. Somedays I get caught up in thinking all this "buddhismstuff"
is supposed to be making me better at the game of life. Then I look
at my life and think, "What's the use? I suck!" Then I remember that
the point of zazen is to "suck" with all my might. Otherwise, I am
just picking and choosing what I want my life to be. My life knows
what it is. A tree doesn't choose the weather of the day. It just stays
rooted and grows. It knows when to blossoms, it knows when to bend.
Yesterday, after just finishing cutting grass in 98 degree Alabama
humidity and heat, I came inside stinking and sweating and headed
straight for the shower. Well guess what? The water was cut off.
They are building an overpass close to my appartment and had
turned off the water. It stayed off for hours. Buddha doesn't cuss,
but I did. Then when the water finally came back on (brown) it
blew the aerator out of the bathroom faucet. Then, when I finally
made it into the shower, the cold water stem broke and I couldn't
turn the cold water off. Man. What an episode. I was far, far
from being a buddha then. I was more like a Tasmanian Devil.
But that's me. Right now. Sometimes it seems like life is just
having fun at our expense. Then I thought about Jen's father,
and my Dad's cancer, and my brother's loneliness, and the oil
spill in the gulf, and on and on and on. And the shower thing
didn't seem like such a big deal. But in the heat of the moment
I always seem to fail. I lose my temper. I say things I shouldn't.
I look when I should look away. It shows me how far I have to go.
Which really is no farther than right here, right now.

bows

[CraigfromAz]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

I don't try to stop the anger of manage my reactions. I do attempt to be aware of the anger as it grows. I find if I am aware of things as they happen, and don't feed them, the anger goes away. Not always, but usually.

[KellyRok]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Hello all,

Christopher - I think perhaps you are being too hard on yourself. I think we all have setbacks from time to time...very recently for me if you've read the "crumbling" post. ops: I guess the best we can do is to try to learn from these setbacks and focus on being more mindful the next time. I do have bad days, when anger is the first emotion that arises toward pretty much everything...kids misbehaving, things not going the way I would like them too, etc. When I have these days, I can usually tell that I'm not myself and I avoid speaking or reacting immediately, that way I try to let that original anger settle and transform. Sometimes it helps to just sit even for ten minutes to let the anger fade. This is all part of our practice.

How do I keep the practice in my life? Well...I find that if I keep up with the book club readings, the sit-a-longs, and recite my metta verses along with sitting zazen on a daily basis...it really keeps me grounded in my practice. These little things stay with you throughout the day. Find something that works for you - one of the chants, reviewing the precepts, or simply reading from a text in our lineage.

I try to live the practice by being the best example for my kids that I can be. Granted it doesn't always work out in the best way possible, but my kids are pretty good at pointing out my flaws which is a teaching in and of itself. So when you mess up, apologize or do whatever you can to make amends. It's okay to screw up, we all do. Then forgive yourself and try to do/be better.

These are just some things I use...hopefully they help in some manner.

take care,

Kelly-Jinmei

[disastermouse]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Hey Johnson.

You're right. It is hard. I don't know how to do it. I try and fail everyday.
Every...single...day. But I try to keep in mind what Jundo said about
mindfulness, that no one can do it 24/7. We're not supposed to. That
would be a narrow and unnatural way to live. The fact is, sometimes I
am selfish, sometimes I am selfless. Both are aspects of who I am.
But the more I sit, like you said, the more aware I become of these
episodes. Somedays I get caught up in thinking all this "buddhismstuff"
is supposed to be making me better at the game of life. Then I look
at my life and think, "What's the use? I suck!" Then I remember that
the point of zazen is to "suck" with all my might. Otherwise, I am
just picking and choosing what I want my life to be. My life knows
what it is. A tree doesn't choose the weather of the day. It just stays
rooted and grows. It knows when to blossoms, it knows when to bend.
Yesterday, after just finishing cutting grass in 98 degree Alabama
humidity and heat, I came inside stinking and sweating and headed
straight for the shower. Well guess what? The water was cut off.
They are building an overpass close to my appartment and had
turned off the water. It stayed off for hours. Buddha doesn't cuss,
but I did. Then when the water finally came back on (brown) it
blew the aerator out of the bathroom faucet. Then, when I finally
made it into the shower, the cold water stem broke and I couldn't
turn the cold water off. Man. What an episode. I was far, far
from being a buddha then. I was more like a Tasmanian Devil.
But that's me. Right now. Sometimes it seems like life is just
having fun at our expense. Then I thought about Jen's father,
and my Dad's cancer, and my brother's loneliness, and the oil
spill in the gulf, and on and on and on. And the shower thing
didn't seem like such a big deal. But in the heat of the moment
I always seem to fail. I lose my temper. I say things I shouldn't.
I look when I should look away. It shows me how far I have to go.
Which really is no farther than right here, right now.

bows

Look into Byron Katie's 'The Work'.

Chet

[disastermouse]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

I don't try to stop the anger of manage my reactions. I do attempt to be aware of the anger as it grows. I find if I am aware of things as they happen, and don't feed them, the anger goes away. Not always, but usually.

Heh heh! I think this is why the Buddha praised restraint. Countering fire by fire doesn't work - if the fire is there, sometimes just not feeding it will help immensely.

I wish I was better at doing this in my own life.

Chet

[ghop]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Look into Byron Katie's 'The Work'.

Thanks man. Will do.

bows

[Taylor]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

So, my question is..... How do you guys and gals keep the faith in your every day lives? What helps you to speak and act from a place of buddha-nature, when things pop up through out the day? How do you live your practice? And do you have set backs? Or rather, is it as difficult for any of you as it seems to sometimes be for me?

The essential problem is wholeheartedly believing 'this should not have happened'. Delusion is the root of anger, but when anger is there, anger is there.

It's further delusion to look at anger and say, "You - anger - you shouldn't be there'. Also delusion to say, 'Anger is here, I must express it'. Also delusion to say, 'Anger, I expressed it and should not have.'

The cup, once broken may be fixable, but instead we further smash it to bits. Nonetheless, it's never unrecoverable - just stop smashing.

Chet

Many thanks for that. My sequence of thought goes something along the lines of: *insert negative emotion here* > Damnit, shouldn't have done that > Why can't I get rid of this > Damnit! Don't get rid of it > Why can't... etc... until I end up snapping out of it.

Indeed there are small setbacks all the time. Sometimes I try to understand all of this, get some kind of angle so that Shikantaza is something I can hold onto and say "I've got it!". I've managed to do that with a fair number of things but I get rather discouraged because I'm still finding my footing. Often times I'll think I understand a concept, or an idea, only to find out I'm way in left field (like I probably am right now :? ). I find it hard not to try to be "Zen" or whatever you want to call it. The enlightenment in every moment hasn't really clicked yet. But! We see a thought come up, and we can always let it go (well, maybe not ALWAYS).

Gasshos to avoid smashing the cup any further,
Taylor

[ghop]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Sometimes I try to understand all of this, get some kind of angle so that Shikantaza is something I can hold onto and say "I've got it!". I've managed to do that with a fair number of things but I get rather discouraged because I'm still finding my footing. Often times I'll think I understand a concept, or an idea, only to find out I'm way in left field (like I probably am right now ). I find it hard not to try to be "Zen" or whatever you want to call it.

This helps me...

"No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, mind;
No sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, nor object of mind;
No realm of sight, no realm of consciousness;
No ignorance, no end to ignorance;
No old age and death,
No cessation of old age and death;
No suffering, nor cause or end to suffering;
NO PATH, NO WISDOM, AND NO GAIN."

I find it hard not to try to be "Zen" or whatever you want to call it.

Just be yourself. Problem solved.

gassho

[Seishin the Elder]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Hey Chris,

The best way to keep it going is to get up after you fall down, get up after you fall down, get up after you fall down, get up after you fall down, get up after you fall down :? Don't expect the magic door to open at the bottom , or the top of the escalator you (and I and all of us) are on, to reveal the perfect place, with perfect understanding, etc., etc. Anyone who says they got to that place, ain't got there. We are all still slogging along. Some days are better, easier; some are harder. The important part of this practice is to not stop when we get a boo-boo, or kick the wall, or get snotted on. Know it has happened, learn something about ourselves by it happening and get up after you fall down.

Gassho,

Seishin Kyrill

[Jinyu]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Know it has happened, learn something about ourselves by it happening and get up after you fall down.

Could seem a bit "mushy" but this is so true. You are precious Seishin!
Getting up without a spirit of revenge, of trying again... just getting up like you wash your face, or eat your breakfast... without any "zenny" spirit just with your very ordinary way!
Easy to say... but not to do :roll: or is there something to do?

Gassho,
Luis/Jinyu

[Rob_Heathen]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

I wish I had more to add to this thread. I don't. Ghop, Chet (d-mouse), you are both brilliant. I also love the bit about not feeding the anger, like a fire hopefully it extinguishes, and again like Chet said. This is something I always wish for in my own life. Sadly I am rarely able to achieve it.

Usually I just find myself thinking post-incident about how I know I shouldn't have acted/reacted that way. Self-loathing usually ensues. My practice is seriously lacking lately, hence why I love this thread I think. Misery loves company...

Bowing and all that...

Rob

[pinoybuddhist]

Re: Practice in Daily Life

Thank you for the wise words. I know this already, but I need to remind myself of this.

So, my question is..... How do you guys and gals keep the faith in your every day lives? What helps you to speak and act from a place of buddha-nature, when things pop up through out the day? How do you live your practice? And do you have set backs? Or rather, is it as difficult for any of you as it seems to sometimes be for me?

The essential problem is wholeheartedly believing 'this should not have happened'. Delusion is the root of anger, but when anger is there, anger is there.

It's further delusion to look at anger and say, "You - anger - you shouldn't be there'. Also delusion to say, 'Anger is here, I must express it'. Also delusion to say, 'Anger, I expressed it and should not have.'

The cup, once broken may be fixable, but instead we further smash it to bits. Nonetheless, it's never unrecoverable - just stop smashing.

Chet