Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

[disastermouse]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

*gassho*

Chet

[Rich]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

Chet, thank you for your clear expression of self. I will keep practicing.

[ghop]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

Just read some stuff from Kosho Uchiyama. Thought it might go well here.

"Some people begin with the practice of shikantaza and then give it up quickly because it does not give them that feeling of fullness or because it bores them. They do so because they only understand this awakening a billion times in their heads. That’s why they think, “Oh no! I have to awaken the mind a billion times? What I need is satori! If I hurry up and get one big satori, I can wrap up this billion-times business in a single stroke!”

It is exactly as if we were told as babies, “From now on you will have to breathe, your whole life long, this very breath, again and again, every single moment. You will breathe in and breathe out billions of times.” What baby would say, “Oh no! I’ve got to find some way to take care of these billion breaths once and for all, with one really big breath..."?
Even if we tried, we would not succeed."


"The reason for this is that no matter how much you sit, you are never fully satisfied with your zazen. “Not fully satisfied” means that it does not feel the way your stomach does after a big meal. So many young people who had dedicated themselves, body and soul, to the practice of zazen began at some point to wonder if they weren’t wasting their youth with this zazen that does not fill them up at all. And many finally left, saying: “Aren’t even the older disciples, who have already been practicing this zazen for years, at bottom just ordinary people? I need satori!”

gassho
ghop

[Shugen]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

Gassho Chet.

Ron

[Shogen]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

Thank you Chet, Jundo, Al, Janne, ghop, and all for a truly great post.

Shikantaza has not a breaths gap from This!

Gassho

[Dosho]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

Hi all,

5 days isn't any indication of what will result from an experiment, but I will say I've had a few sits I would previously have labelled "really good" and a few that I would have called "really bad". I'll use neither term here and merely point out that I've been sitting more than I had been in any previous week, perhaps ever. I'd like to label that as positive, but I'll try not to. Seriously, I do think sitting more without judging is a very good thing and that it is all right to say so.

The experiment continues and truly never ends...

Gassho,
Dosho

[Shugen]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

I've discovered I'm really judgemental. I keep creating "perfect" scenarios in my head and then getting angry/upset when they don't work out as "I" think they should.

Ron

[ghop]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

e experiment continues and truly never ends...

Gassho Dosho! 8) I like saying that...sounds funny. :lol:

I like what you say. I'm going to adopt this view. In an experiment we don't look for certain
results, we just wait and see what happens. I seem to be addicted to form. When practice
doesn't go the way I want it to I start grasping at a "form" of practice, i.e. counting breaths,
watching the breath, focusing on the hara. I start thinking about Thich and Suzuzuki and
other teachers who handed out techniques to calm the mind and think, "man, if I just do it
that way then the results I am looking for will happen." Wrong. Self is a bitch, man. But
Jundo is giving us something that will change our lives. I think when he says "There is no
bad zazen," it is just his way of reminding us to be kind to ourselves, unconditionally kind.
I need that because most of the time I treat myself like a stray dog. It seems like everytime
I say something about my practice going well, for the next few days it goes just the opposite.
Anyway, can't go wrong with a lifetime experiment, can I? After all, who knows? Who knows?

gassho
ghop

[Taylor]

Re: Experiment: Don't judge your practice (really!)

So much and so little all at the same time! My meditation experience prior to committing to zazen was very elaborate, with many visualizations, symbols, commitments, magical promises, etc... And for what? To experience something different? Different than what! Because I am a fresh fish out of the ocean I have a hard time not judging, and then not judging my judging but it is something I try to be mindful of. Many expectations of what "should be" when it is more "what is". Oops, judging myself again! ops:

I did a piece of calligraphy last night. An enso with the word "Sit." in the center. I hung it right above my cushion because that's all I feel like I need to bring. Myself, and just sit with that.

Gasshos all around for the very helpful advice.

Taylor