Temptation

[Jinyu]

Re: Temptation

Hi everyone,
Once again I don't really have something to add to the wonderful things you folks just said...
but I wanted to thank you all for this inspiring thread!!!

So Thank you!

Gassho,
Luis/Jinyu

[Shogen]

Re: Temptation

Hi Stephanie
I can relate to your situation perfectly. Over the past 40 years I've been in and out of Zen Practice so many times you could call my practice revolving door Zen. It seemed there was always a certain spark that relit my passion for the practice. This last time it was merely wanting to know more about this fellow Dogen designated as the founder of Soto Zen. At the time my practice was Rinzai Zen. Through my research I found Dogen Sangha and Nishijima Roshi, Dogen International, Brad Warner, Jundo and Treeleaf which I now consider my Zen domicile. It seems that at this time in your practice someone or something has temporarily blown out the zen candle you had burning. The spark will appear for you, but in the meantime enjoy this life video games included. Just sit when you can and post when you can and be attentive for the spark.
Gassho Shogen

[Jundo]

Re: Temptation

I just wanted to express ... Monkton Michael, and Al, Luis, Zak too, Stephanie on the other thread (viewtopic.php?p=33639#p33639) ... how nicely said and conveyed ... Thank you.

[Stephanie]

Re: Temptation

Thanks all. This discussion has been helpful to me.

Michael--actually, your response was helpful. I don't know what I know or not, and I don't know whether that is a problem or not Anyway, your last statement was particularly helpful. I do think the old perfectionism creeps in and 'skews' my practice toward it, even though I have dropped quite a bit of it compared to how I used to approach things.

I think I'm also still getting over realizing that I'm really not going to get anything out of it, which was the delusion that kept my practice going for so long. I know that the "me" that runs the show, that wants what it wants and wants to have control, is not what should be driving my practice, because all it can do is drive it into a brick wall. But even knowing that, I forget, and "me" still creeps in.

Especially when I'm not sitting! So the injunction to "just do it" is welcome also (I did finally sit tonight after a few weeks of not sitting).

And Shogen, your words really helped, and brought a light to my heart--an excellent perspective, that perhaps circumstances have doused the flame, but circumstances will reignite it also.

I think that just "dragging my butt to the cushion" is going to have to be what it is for right now. The flame of inspiration may re-alight so that I am not just forcing myself to sit out of a sense of duty, but in the meantime, that's all I've got!

[Manatee]

Re: Temptation

Stephanie,

I always think of that Thich Nhat Hanh image of "taking a little brother or sister by the hand" when I'm dealing with some part of myself, or someone else, that I don't like. When I don't feel like meditating, I take my animalistic self by the hand and sit with it. Not trying to get it to go away, but saying, "I'm fine with you. Let's just sit together. What's making you want to play so many video games? Tell me about it."

I often joke with my daughter, that she likes sugar so much, that I am thinking of just giving her only pure sugar to eat for a whole week. I would probably never really do this, of course, but can you imagine? Just giving her a five-pound bag of sugar. "Have at it! No, you can't have any fruit, milk, or bread! Just sugar. Here's a cup measure to measure out your meals. Enjoy."

I think it would make her appreciate real food in a hurry. Maybe you could try that with your video games, just make yourself play it for as many hours as possible until it becomes irritating to you? Who knows. Some of that reverse psychology--- was that in Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer?

Lately, my meditation time has also been my "sloth" time, but mindful slothiness, if there is such a thing. It's a time when I make myself stop solving problems and worrying for just 20 minutes. Maybe looking at it this way might be helpful, even if just for a while?

My daughter doesn't like doing chores. The other day, she was jumping on some hay bales in the barn, and having a ball. She said, "Mom, I am having so much fun!" I asked her, "Would you still have fun jumping in the hay if I MADE you do it?". And she said no.

It strikes me that you might have a similar strong-willed nature! Maybe you are associating zazen strongly with something you are "supposed" to do.


Manatee

[will]

Re: Temptation

I think the five Skandhas, and Ayatanas are worth taking note of.

Shall I post them?

Skandhas are:

Sensual desire, aggression, dullness, excitement, and hesitation. These are so called "coverings" of our experience etc.

Ayatanas:

Wanting to live a normal life
Search for entertainment
Taking one's self too seriously
Self pity
Reluctance
Lack of energy
doubt
anger
and criticism of one's self and others

These mostly spring up when we are not paying attention, or don't have insight into the root cause, or "how they arise".


Gassho

[disastermouse]

Re: Temptation

My daughter doesn't like doing chores. The other day, she was jumping on some hay bales in the barn, and having a ball. She said, "Mom, I am having so much fun!" I asked her, "Would you still have fun jumping in the hay if I MADE you do it?". And she said no.

It strikes me that you might have a similar strong-willed nature! Maybe you are associating zazen strongly with something you are "supposed" to do.

This!